Photo: Said Khatib / AFP
Hello there! Step away from the fence for your own safety, and find shelter - ok, I lie, ain't no damn shelter in post-modern wars, but I will give you a breakdown of wtf is going on - in this week's installation of The Weekend Holyland Update, where we detail some of the various ways Israel is stumbling, bumbling, and kinda crumbling towards its 70th anniversary in six weeks.
AIN'T IT A SHAME?
So the "Million Palestinian March" was NOT called off, and despite numbering in the five figures, rather than the seven, it is presenting Israel with some not-insignificant problems. As former COGAT (Coordinator Of Government Activities in the [Occupied] Territories) Amos Gilad once said, "We don't do Gandhi very well." Around 20 Palestinians were killed (mostly by sniper fire) and 750 or so wounded in clashes near the border fence, as tens of thousands came to the border fence to march and protest Israel's harsh blockade of the Gaza Strip and its denial of their rights in general. This happened on a volatile confluence of calendars - Passover eve AND the 42nd anniversary of "Land Day", when 6 Palestinian-Israelis were shot dead while protesting the theft of their land by the state.
Although Israel claims 10 of the dead were high-ranking Hamas military operatives (i.e. terrorists), that still leaves about 10 who were not, and footage shows almost none of those killed or shot was carrying a weapon or actively threatening the integrity of the sacred border when shot. Check out Israel posting footage of shooting a dude nowhere near the border, threatening no-one, and sneering "Ain't it a shame?" Twitter
Israel seems pleased with how it handled things, even though it is now talking quietly about using more non-lethal methods in the next round (or not... just saw on the news IDF is saying they WON'T change the rules of engagement). Still, the number of casualties seems manageable, and it will be if it stops there. However, these "return marches" are not and were not planned as a one-time thing. There are precisely six weeks until the Gregorian date of Israel's 70th anniversary - or the 70th anniversary of the Nakba, as Palestinians view it. If Hamas can keep this up, with many thousands crowding the border each week, provoking Israel into stupid over-reactions... Then the world, which left to its own devices does NOT want to get involved with the Palestinian issue, will have no choice but to take notice; and the more the Trump administration and the cartoonishly unobjective US Ambassador David Friedman mindless back Israel, the more the rest of the world will do the opposite.
If, and again this is a big IF, Hamas can keep this going for six weeks it will also deal the PA and the PLO a massive blow in the fight over control of the Gaza Strip, and to a lesser degree over leadership of the Palestinians in general. the PA and its dying corrupt leader, Mahmoud Abbas (aka "Abu Mazen), already losing the public opinion battle in their decision to starve Hamas into submission by witholding salary funds, will find themselves in an even worse look if Hamas shows it can do NON-violent resistance better than them too. This is the main prism through which this whole exercise should be viewed. Hamas doesn't think it will topple Israel by making it mow down even a thousand people, let alone a couple dozen per week times six. This is about solidifying Hamas as the only legitimate regime in the Gaza Strip, such that Egypt and Saudi Arabia are forced to acknowledge and deal with it as such. Right now, if you actually want to resist Israeli occupation and repression, rather than collaborate with and do its dirty work for it, Hamas offers the only game in town.
And yet, it's not just Israel's nationalist leadership that imagines Hamas can simply be replaced or and the people of Gaza bludgeoned into servile submission. Non other than the loser in the primaries for the leadership of Meretz, the most left-wing Zionist party, came out today on Facebook calling for "the world" to replace Hamas. With. What? With what precisely, for fuck's sake? But thank you, Mr. Avi Buskila, for reminding me why, despite her myriad faults, I still think Tamar Zandberg will suck at the job of offering an alternative to the already-incumbent stupidity less than you.
All this Hamas/Abbas wrangling, btw, comes as US Ambassador to Israel, David Friedman, intoned ominously that "If Abbas won't come back to the negotiating table (on the terms we dictated to him), we'll find someone who will". So the swinging dicks of the world are gonna replace Hamas in Gaza, Abbas in the West Bank, the Islamic Republic in Iran, Kim Jung-Un in North Korea... and then, when peace and tranquility fail to magically materialize, it will be someone else's turn. Those who believe Israel will always be exempt from this approach are invited to an exclusive auction I'm holding to sell my lovely bridge.
Want it? A bargain!
ITH OUR SKYLINE! AND IF YOU DON' LIKE IT YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT!
Staying with a theme of magical thinking - Housing Minister Yoav Galant had a conversation with someone, who complained to him that our fair Jewish country's skyline is over-dominated by mosques and churches. To amend this intolerable state of affairs, the august Minister has unveiled a plan to erect giant stainless steel Stars of David in 90 locations around the country so that it won't look so "Muslim-Christian". This is a disease of the mind, a constant need for purity and affirmation of control. Even if this sick mindset is taken to its extreme conclusion of genocide, it won't stop there. The insecurity and hate and intolerance will be turned inward. Israel is already in the process of writing off most of the Diaspora's Jews - the ones that aren't Orthodox. That won't be enough either. There will eventually be concentration camps for the likes of me as well, although I may well be dead by then.
THE YEAST ALSO RISES
In keeping with the ethno-religious obsessions, each year the official restrictions on the presence of leavened grain-based foods (i.e. foods that are not kosher for Passover) in public spaces becomes more and more ridiculous. This year the Ministry of Health (controlled by the Ultra-Orthodox "Torah Jewry" party) has issued a directive that turns a de-facto policy of the past few years into an official one - You can't enter a public hospital with "chametz". Some of the hospital security personnel are rebelling, saying they are, well, security guards and not kashrut inspectors. A friend of mine was almost thrown off a bus - BEFORE PASSOVER STARTED, the morning of - because he held a gd baguette sandwich. In IDF bases, on top of the dietary restrictions for the week-long holiday itself, soldiers have to suffer a week prior because the kitchens and mess-halls are readied for Passover in advance, so they can't get a decent meal. Hospitals, buses, even the IDF are places where non-Jews serve, let alone non-observant Jews, but all these have to bow their heads to ever-tightening strictures and obsessions.
Clear and present danger
MUCH TO BE PROUD OF
Finally, as Israel prepares for its 70th anniversary bash in three weeks, Culture-less Minister Miri Regev is threatening to turn the main event - the torch-lighting ceremony that marks the end of Memorial Day (sad) and the beginning of Independence Day (levity, forced or otherwise)[1] - into a travesty, in a dumpster-fire of an unforced error. See, for 67 years, since the ceremony began on Israel's third birthday, the only person to speak from the political world was the Speaker of the Knesset, who also serves as the deputy to the President, and is hence a "unifying" figure, despite being a partisan member of Knesset. But Miri has decided that because it's a nice round anniversary, this time the PM just has to speak at the ceremony too. Knesset Speaker Yuli Edlestein, to his credit, has firmly rejected this bullshit, and has informed Regev that if she makes this change (which she is empowered to in theory as Chair of the Committee on Ceremonies and Symbols) neither he nor the Knesset honor guard will attend. Regev is doubling down, saying "I am in sole charge of the ceremony, and if I want to say that once every ten years (starting now, of course) the PM speaks - then so it shall be written, so it shall be done, dammit!" Her Majestic Ministery also came up with a smash-bang fire slogan for the 70th anny bash: "Yes, There's Much To Be Proud Of!" The petulant defiant tone of that "Yes," is pricelessly apt.
Also, while trying to change a tradition from literally the dawn of the state, Her Ministerialness wants to add some torch-lighters from the Diaspora. Torch-lighting is an honor given to Israelis who made a significant contribution to Israeli society, or who embody this or that virtue. So forget the fact that Regev's list of candidates to represent the diaspora all represent one specific diaspora (the American one), check out who they are, in order of repugnance: Mayim Bialik (anti-vaxxer), Alan Dershowitz (occupation shill, Trump shill, Lolita Express frequent flyer), and... Ivanka fucking Trump. I shit you not. I can't even.
JPost
HOW SICK IS BIBI?
Meanwhile, an interesting thing to conspi about: Early last week, Bibi was rushed to the hospital with coughing, a high fever and gastric distress. On Wednesday he returned to the PM's residence and a laconic statement said he was OK, just needed some rest. On Thursday he uploaded a pic to facebook - a drawing with captions wishing everyone "a happy and kosher Passover" - in handwriting that isn't his. No other holiday statement, no holiday interview to one or more media outlet - basically unprecedented. His voice has been utterly absent from the entire "Thousands of Palestinians marching on the ghetto's border" thing. So, no holiday greeting, taped speech or intrview, no comment on the most serious incident on the southern border in almost four years... Could it be that Abu Mazen isn't the only ailing leader between the Jordan and the sea? Could it be that the pressure is really getting to him, or conversely is he preparing a health-based excuse to declare himself incapacitated, so he doesn't have to do it because he's a crook about to be indicted? Hmmmm...
(Check out this image comparing Bibi's known handwriting with what he released for the holiday this year.)
And on that morbidly hopeful note, I wish you a very good week, and don't commit any crimes against the skyline.