A Bitcoin ‘Big Bang Theory’ Episode Is Coming, God Has Abandoned Us

Close your eyes and think of the word “insufferable,” what comes to mind? For me, it’s two things: Bitcoin lords and The Big Bang Theory.

Next week, because we have all been abandoned on this slowly-dying rock in space by whatever supernatural forces may have saved us from complete ruin in the past, TheBig Bang Theory will dedicate an entire episode to Bitcoin.

According to a promotional clip from the episode making the rounds online, theBang gang are shocked to learn that the digital currency is now worth “$5,000,” a figure already hilariously out of date and the episode airs next week. The crew is reminded that they mined some bitcoins a few years ago, and are now rich.

Glasses man asks sweater guy (I don’t know their names) what he’s going to spend his Bitcoin on (this is funny, I think, because you basically can’t spend Bitcoin on anything practical) and sweater dude answers, “A tiger.” Oh, you boys!

Things get marginally more interesting when tucked-in-sweater guy (perhaps to differentiate from regular sweater guy? More research needed.) realizes that their Bitcoin wallet is… empty. Sheldon, whose name I do know somehow, appears to know where they went but is being a dick to his friends for some reason and won’t tell them.

I would like to imagine that Sheldon is a cryptocurrency hacker, and the episode ends with him flying to Malta and never being seen again while his friends argue on Reddit about who stole their Bitcoin.

More likely, though, the show will simply introduce Bitcoin as a magically fortuitous investment to the millions of average Americans who watch The Big Bang Theory, which seems totally wise and not at all likely to lead to some yokel’s financial ruination.

Either way, it looks like this is happening. How did we get here? Where do we go next, like, as a society?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.