Thinking Out Loud; The Nigerian culture and Domestic Violence

I woke up to the sound of children crying this morning.Their father was at it again, doing his "usual". He would always beat their mother and throw her things out of the house to "discipline" her and then she would beg and beg for him to take her back at least for the children. She had left once; after he hit her against the wall and her tooth fell out coupled with a broken head with all her kids beat up. Then she came back because, "who would raise her children?" "Who would marry her with four kids?" And the popular "if man no beat you, e get another babe for outside. E no love you be that". I used to go out and play peace maker before but I discovered that she was like the slave who loved her chain.

Bukky was beautiful and amazing. She had it all; the jewel in her father's crown. She was the only girl surrounded by four handsome boys. Her mother; her role model who she looked up to with great admiration. Mummy would always tell her

"A man is your crown. Without him,  you are nothing.  If you like,  have all the degrees in this world.  You will be useless without him."

She would wash all the clothes in the house,  do all the chores.  Her brothers were the Kings.  She was beaten at the slightest provocation because they had to prove to her that they were the "men". Mummy supported it all because this was training else, how would she "respect" her husband.  She was always going to be the "lesser being ".

Pastor Taiwo was the adored Leader.  Very caring and loving.  He was everyone's sweetherat, always ready to go all out for the church.  Outside he was the perfect leader and inside,  he was the terrorist.  He beat the "word of God and the spirit of submission" into his wife every night.  Little Becky watched every day.  It became a norm.  Pastor Taiwo passed away,  little Becky grew up.  She went out into the world,  she fell in love.  The very first argument with Melvin brought great "discipline". She cried every day but she loved him and it was "normal" . Daddy did it to mummy,  and mummy smiled to church still.  There was no way in the world this was wrong after all,  daddy was God's child. 

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These stories and many more are the ones I have seen and heard. Most women and men who suffer domestic violence are brought up to think it is normal. It's a way of life of some families.
As soon as you are married and your dowry is paid, you "belong" to your husband. As a matter of fact, you are his "property". The men are brought up to think that they rule the world. From the first day they realize that they own a penis, it is drummed into their ears that they are the "leaders". I've seen a family where the boys don't do chores. When I asked why, the mother of the kids looked at me and said,

"My sister, that is why we have women na. If they do all the work, what will the women do? Let us leave house chores for the women oh. That is what God created us for"

I was astonished. How can someone be so dumb. As far as I know, there is nowhere in the Bible where it is written that we are the ones "created" to do the chores. I left without saying a word because, I know how my smart mouth can talk when I'm angry. The word "helpmate" has been twisted. We make our kids feel that one gender is greater than the other. The boy isn't supposed to do this or that. And sometimes the girl isn't supposed to do this or that. It's sickening. I have a son and I'm not going to raise no fool walking on the face of the earth living like he owns the world and it was created just for him. Parents especially Nigerian parents should leave that old, dead and gone idea that one gender deserves more than the other. I believe they are both equal. Everyone should have equal responsibility. Raise humans that will impact lives not bring them down or end them.

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The family unit should step up their game. Raise your kids right and I'm sure we won't have half baked brained humans who think they deserve special treatments. Teach them respect, for themselves and for other people and things. Parents should leave up to their roles as role models, good ones in fact.

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The effects of domestic violence have been talked about over and over. Let us begin to make visible changes and I believe it starts with the family.

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