Naija Women NEVER learn

There's a woman, somewhere, set to meet a prophet for deliverance from, err, infertility. He's going to insert his fingers into her vagina, tweak her nipples; then suck it; get a hand-on and ask to pour his "holy sperm" inside of her. She'll nod as he covers her in tongues and spittle. Hallelujah, someborry!

There's a woman somewhere shopping for wedding souvenirs, set to marry the man who slaps her "once in a while".

Somewhere, in this green earth, there's a Naija woman who has made the decision to drop out of school so she can satisfy a man who needs her to get pregnant so they can start a family together. Education is distracting her eggs from fertilising.

There's a woman, somewhere, looking everywhere for a "father" for her child. Any man will do.

There's a woman with a medical degree, pounding yam for a mother-in-law who has sworn never to be impressed by this wife she insists isn't wife material enough. Medical doctor wifey is going to give it her very best to please this in-law who despises educated women. She is willing to strip herself of every ounce of dignity for this mission. Throw her medical degree aside and fetch firewood in the village for the rest of her life.

A wife, somewhere, is set to confront a side-chick (bwahahahahahhaha!).

A woman, somewhere, is heading to the village to answer the "elders", a mission that may require her walking around the village square, naked. She's ready to get booed for this "offence", for the culture.

A woman is, at the moment, being kicked out of her matrimonial home by her husband's brother and aunt. Her things are scattered all over the compound. She's crying and begging neighbours to "help me beg my husband and his people".

A woman, somewhere, isn't going to flush her own poop in her boyfriend's house because she is an e-feminist. She is liberated from her own shit.

A woman, somewhere, is about to perform fellatio quietly, away from prying eyes, after writing her latest post on Facebook: "Men are Scum".

A woman, somewhere, is about to marry a man way beneath her social scale because society won't let her be. Someone she's ashamed of when he speaks.

A woman, somewhere, just rejected a job in Europe because her man needs her to stay, else he "won't propose any longer oh".

A housewife, somewhere, is pregnant with her 6th child, in search of a male child, for a husband who earns N45k guarding the front door of an insurance company.

A woman, somewhere, is about to make an important decision: beat her daughter for telling her school teacher that she was raped by her stepfather OR drag her to the village and let her live there permamnently with her 85 year old grandmother.

(Naija) Women NEVER learn.