After yesterdays weird lunch, my weekend just got stranger!
I set off on my cycle this morning with my daughter in tow, we were heading to the home made ice cream shop. It is a superb tasting ice cream to be fair. The location is a few clicks down the lanes from where we live, and the sunshine was out to play so all was good in the world.
NIGEL!
I heard this loud obnoxious English voice behind me, that just does not happen here, I have been here 4 years and never seen a Brit within 15 miles of my farm, sure there are plenty in the next big city, though none on my stamping ground.
I turned to look and was greeted with a very enthusiastic smile - Nigel, he said, as though I was supposed to be delighted somehow. He repeated it again though this time with a nod and a wink. My heart somehow shrunk and any semblance of a smile disappeared.
Within 10 seconds Nigel was standing over my table offering his hand. I heard you speaking English said Nigel, I guess this meant in Nigel's mind I would be as happy to meet him as he was me.
4 months he boomed!
Turns out I had somehow avoided him for that long, though no more it would seem, to make matters worse normal Nigel had a daughter and son both around my daughters age. Nigel called them over to meet my daughter Amelia, and insisted they should be friends. My daughter reacted about the same as me, recoiling in her seat, and retreating nose first into her ice cream cone.
Nigel pulled up a seat and insisted on telling me his whole life story, it took around 5 minutes! He also had to show me his new BMW X5 and even went as far as offering to take us all for a drive, I politely refused.
Nigel then went full English retard on me, and started complaining about people not speaking "English" here, in the middle of rural "POLAND" Nigel also hates the food. I am not sure what Nigel likes apart from his car, children and house.
Can it get any worse?
YES! It turns out Nigel has bought a 6 bedroom house only 1 mile from me, it is 2 houses down, making him almost my next door neighbour.
Nigel started asking where I live after telling me which house he had bought 4 months ago. Over there I pointed to nowhere near where I live.
Now this is what I do not like about normal Nigel's of the world, apart from everything about him. He invited himself to my BBQ this afternoon after my daughter let slip we were having one. I pointed to the sky and said "rain" later, Nigel was having none of it though, it will be fine he boomed.
Sharp exit!
I bundled my daughter on her cycle and made a sharp exit, leaving Nigel still talking as we left, I kept waving and saying BYE as loud as possible, above his requests to come back. You see unlike normal Nigel, I moved here to get away from the UK and from everyone knowing my business.
To be continued? I hope not, I am loading my shotgun as I speak. :-)
Deliberators verdict = Truman show be dammed - I refuse to partake.
Image CC0 Pixabay
Haha, have to say this story made me laugh. Its that ah shit moment u never want to happen. Im the same way, I kind of like to keep to my own business and not chase down all of my neighbors and talk non stop. So i can feel your pain. Hope u can keep away FROM HIM!
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Noooo not a chance, he turned up again, read part 2, and he is amusing me now, to be fair.
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I will check it out
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Some peaple just don't know when to leave you alone. I hope he works it out soon.
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I have 4 guns, it will. :-)
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Haha :)
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Nowhere to run, eh?
You think you found a little piece of paradise all to yourself and here comes Nigel. Bummer (but I have to confess you had me in stitches).
Funny how people assume that just because you're the same nationality it's enough of a basis for friendship. When you have enough of a Self , nationality becomes largely irrelevant, and relationships rest on kinship of a deeper sort.
Looking forward to the rest of the saga.
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Read part 2 now, it did not take him long to find me, well considering there are only 5 or 6 houses in 5 miles, and all on the same road, it took him hours lol.
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Sorry to find humour at your expense, @deliberator, but your story cracked me up... especially the part about loading the shotgun! 😂
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Oh trust me I am laughing also now.
I was not earlier.
I do hope Nigel gets bored and goes home though,
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Holy shit, it seems creepy! It is possible that it's a coincidence and someone told him about your accent (if you have one). That may have caused him to seek you out. Yet, he really does seem to be trying to burrow his way into your life. Proceed with caution, or with shotty, as you were.
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I guess he was told there is another English guy around, so he went looking for my local haunting places, I am changing scenes a little from now on.
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That's weird. So he approaches you and says: "I heard
you speaking English" acting all casual and happen-
stance and then later you find out that he may have
sought you out and then pretended it was coincidence.
Very strange...
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He is lonely I guess, his loneliness though is not my problem. When I came here I knew what to expect, I checked the country out on 6 different holiday visits to different places, I knew what I was signing up for, I guess he did not do the same.
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I read part 2 first and kept waiting for you to tell us it was a piece of fiction. Then I saw this and realized it was all too real! Oh man, this should get even more interesting! (Getting the popcorn ready...)
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Shhhh it is all clear so far today.
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wow
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