Chapter Eighteen - Louis Berry's Novel - Erstwhile

Chapter Eighteen

Richard walked out of Buster’s and into the parking lot. The gravel that crunched under his feet was a mixture of sand and crushed seashells. Without hesitation, he began to walk toward home. When he moved past the Tahoe he didn’t stop or even look at it. Once he had made his way past all of the parked cars, the noise associated with the thriving business, tires rolling across the gravel, kids playing, and loud conversations, began to wane. Fewer people populated the beach below the roadside. He appreciated the crashing waves as he tried desperately to forget how alone he was.
The evening had flabbergasted him. What could he have done to warrant such treatment from, not only his wife, but also a perfect stranger? After all, he was not in love with a single woman from his past. He wasn’t even sure he knew what love was before meeting Susan. For the first time, he felt no expectation that their marriage would last.

He placed one foot in front of the other and looked down the road at the long walk ahead as he re-called a similar trek he made in college. It too was a result of being confronted by two angry women. The only difference, in Richard’s mind, was that those girls had a legitimate gripe; Susan didn’t. At some point between the two he had satiated his uncontrollable desire to conquer women and began a search for something more fulfilling. Purely physical relationships proved hollow and without substance, and the women he was attracted to afforded little hope for him.
The shoulder of the road was never less than six feet across at any point. There were no streetlights and he had to concentrate on each stride to avoid stepping in a hole. He vividly recalled spending the night in the hospital when Susan broke a bone in her foot while walking along the side of the road in front of their house. He remembered how happy he was that he was there to help.
He estimated that it was only a few miles to the house. It would make for a brisk walk; something he had not done in a while. All the time he spent at the store did not afford many opportunities to be active. The most exercise he had gotten was when he stocked the shelves. His new sedentary lifestyle was counterbalanced by an overactive imagination. Richard thought about how the two of them should be working shoulder-to-shoulder. Instead, they stood at the brink of estrangement.
Lost in his thoughts, he did not hear the hum of truck tires on the highway as it approached him from behind. The approaching sound was masked by that of the waves crashing along the shoreline.
“Yeeeee-haw!” a voice exploded from the passenger’s window as a pickup roared past him. Richard was startled. The tires on the right side of the truck ran off the road, kicking up sand and shells. Debris hit his pant’s leg. Calmly, he moved farther from the road and onto the shoulder, then continued toward home.
His imagination continued to work in overdrive. Aw Man, how can I be so stupid? Ralph is here, and to-night was all a setup to get them together. Richard realized his paranoia was causing him to think illogically. But I was the one who asked her to dinner. Just as quickly, Susan’s supposed rendezvous once again be-came rational. That doesn’t matter, my request fit perfectly in their plan. Should I confront her about it? No! She is going to have to come clean. If she doesn’t want me around any longer, I’m not going to make it easy for her. He laughed at the pain. It was too familiar, and he was as inept at filling in the voids in Susan’s life as he was his own.
Richard moved farther away from the road as he heard the hum of another set of truck tires approaching from behind. “Asshole!” the voice yelled from the open passenger’s window.
Sweat soaked through his clothes. The armpits of his shirt were drenched. Occasionally, a drop would trickle down his spinal column and onto the waistband of his boxers. His brow was dotted with beads of perspiration that he wiped dry with his open hand every minute or so and then would sling it away. He unbuttoned his shirt to his waste. The cool gulf breeze on his wet skin felt refreshing.
Richard guessed he had covered about a mile. Whenever he walked along the beach, it was in the opposite direction of Buster’s, so he had no landmarks to gauge his progress. He would readily accept a ride from a friend, but the only friend in town he had was Talitha, and surely she hadn’t finished her dinner. He plodded forward.
Inevitably, his thoughts began to repeat them-selves. There was no reason why Susan should question his devotion to her. Comparisons of his wife and women past were the only logical means to the answer of how it would all end. The chronology of those relation-ships illustrated growth for him, so he thought.
Richard had to smile as he remembered some of his early encounters with girls. He knew that as an adolescent he was incapable of emotional depth, but mistook the urges he felt as a worldliness known by no other. Those early memories centered on exploring the physical nature of being a man. The first time a woman touched him in a sexual manner was when he was four-teen. It happened in the Haunted House at the Miracle Strip Amusement Park, on a hot summer evening. The house had no outside windows and only one door to allow for the circulation of air. A layer of sweat was the only thing that afforded relief from the heat. A girl, who was close in age, grabbed his butt. When he turned to face her, she smiled coyly at him. He ignored the advance and nervously continued through the house, fearing it may happen again and not knowing how to react. The fact that there was an anonymous woman in Georgia, Alabama or Tennessee to thank for his first sexual experience brought a smile to his face.
In October of the same year he recalled feeling a bare breast for the first time. Richard and his family were attending the Fall Festival at their church. All of the teenagers had gathered together to spew forth their adolescent bravado. It wasn’t clear to him, at the time, but a young lady had her eyes on him. When the conversation ended the boys decided to play football in the courtyard of the church and ignore the girls. Finally, the young woman felt the night and her opportunity slip-ping away. She saw the opportunity to get his attention; so she stole the football and ran into the vacant church offices. He pursued her and ran into the building behind her, stopping and watching as she ran into the bathroom at the end of the hallway. Richard walked slowly down the corridor and into the lavatory. She stood against the back wall holding the football tightly in her hands, and smiled at him. He smiled back and then moved slowly toward her. He took the ball from her hands, firmly but gently. She resisted only slightly. He dropped it onto the floor, then leaned into her, pinning her back against the wall, and kissed her with as much passion as he could muster. While they kissed, Richard slowly slid his hand under her shirt. He moved it along the soft skin of her tummy, and upward. When his hand came to her bra, he wiggled his fingers, desperately trying to negotiate his hand beneath it. Finally, he was able to slide his hand underneath without causing any major bruising. The memory was vivid of how soft her flesh was. He recalled being afraid to touch her nipple.
His mind then progressed to his seventeenth birthday, as always, it was the middle of summer and steamy hot. Midnight approached and the magic that surrounded the anniversary of his physical entry into the world waned. Richard swam in the pool behind his girl-friend’s house. The warm summer breeze did not offer much relief from the heat, even at such a late hour. The water in the pool was cool and refreshing.
The house had been built on a hill, well above the bay that oscillated below them. There was a dock and a boathouse at the foot of the mound that extended into the water fifty feet. A thirty-two foot Pursuit fishing boat dangled from the boat-lift and swayed slightly in the breeze, causing the steel cables to creek. There was a full moon without a cloud in the sky to obstruct it. Beams of light danced across the gentle water as Richard and Maria swam. Each acted as if they were the only one in the pool; ignoring the other, but both had the same desires stimulating their libidos.
When his lust for her overcame him, he stopped swimming and positioned himself in the shallow end of the pool, with his back against its side. He watched as Maria swam. Her head occasionally broke the surface of the water. Each time she looked at him, and then disappeared. He watched, patiently, as this sport went on for several minutes. She emerged at the deep end of the pool, as far away from him as she could possibly be and remain in the pool. It worried him that she hadn’t moved closer. Staring directly into his eyes she reached up and grabbed the diving board by placing her hands on either side and hung there. Neither knew the words to express what they wanted or how they felt. She then pulled herself up. When her body rose out of the water, she dropped her head so that it didn’t hit the board. Richard did not watch this. He focused on her breasts as they appeared from beneath the water. No longer being buoyed, they fell into the cups of her bathing suit, stretching the string around her neck to its tautest. Urges raged inside him as he drank in the sights of his girl-friend’s nubile body.
Acting on impulse she let go of the diving board, plunged into the water and stayed below for several seconds. Richard looked across the surface, waiting for her to emerge. Then he saw her shadowy form in the water approaching him. It danced back-and-forth with the action of the waves. She emerged in front of him and stood, slowly sliding her body against his. He felt her breasts as they brushed along his torso. The couple embraced as they stood in the shallows. She stood on her tiptoes and reached to kiss him. He slouched to kiss her. Neither cared how uncomfortable their posture was. They were exactly where they wanted to be.
Richard fidgeted as he wondered what to do with his hands. At one point he interlaced his fingers behind her back. At yet another, he placed his hands on her hips. After a few moments he pressed his hands against her back and pulled her body into his. When he loosened the embrace she backed away and dropped beneath the water. Her head remained exposed as she affixed her eyes with his. She drifted away a few feet and stopped. He had no idea what to do next, neither did Maria. The well-developed muscles in his back caused his arms to hang away from his body. His shoulders were broad and his back plunged into his narrow waistline. Maria could not see his equally muscular legs, but her imagination created the vision of their limbs fervently intertwined.
She moved slowly back toward him and he dropped his body into the water leveling their fixated eyes. He made up his mind to make a move, but had no idea what it was he should do to please her. She was just as unsure.
They embraced a second time and kissed. Regardless of his indecision, Richard’s courage could not be stopped. They continued to embrace and kiss as he slid his hands up her back to where her bathing suit top was tied. Fumbling with the multitude of strings, he could not readily discern how to release it. She remained patient with him.
He struggled desperately to maintain a quality kiss while figuring out how to untie her bikini. For an instant he wondered if she had double knotted the strings. Finally, he found which string to pull so that it fell apart.
Feeling the tension dissolve from her top piqued his anxiety to view the treasure he had uncovered. He did not want to seem too eager, so he maintained the kiss for a second longer. When he tried to back away he realized that he was pinned against the wall of the pool, and Maria’s modesty caused her to secure the embrace. At first, Richard did not appreciate her moving closer, until he realized her bare breasts were pressing against his chest.
When he could stand the suspense no longer he placed a hand on each of her shoulders and pushed her away. Instinct took over and she covered her chest with her hands. Her top was still knotted behind her neck, and it floated on the surface of the water directly in Richard’s line of sight. Maria lifted it over her head and threw it onto the pool deck, still covering herself with one arm. The wet fabric stuck to the concrete behind his head as she returned both arms to their original position. When Richard finally coaxed Maria, without words, to remove her hands, he was disappointed because the undulating waves distorted his perception. She then lifted her legs beneath her, treading water while removing her bathing suit bottom. His heart pounded inside his chest. He knew what to do, but not really how to go about doing it. She tossed the bathing suit next to her top.
Richard waited, not knowing if he should allow her to remove his bathing suit. Once again, she moved closer. He looked at the surface of the water intently, wishing for a clear vision of her nude body.
Maria approached him, then reached out and gently tugged on the waste band of his swim trunks. She wanted them off and she wanted him to do it. He obliged.
The adolescent couple held each other closely. The dark, warm water was like an amniotic fluid, protecting them, keeping them from facing complete nudity at such a tender age. Holding her naked body was the most wonderful feeling this seventeen year-old ever imagined.
Richard was so caught up in the memory of his first sexual experience that he passed his house without recognizing it. He walked to the one next door before realizing what he had done. When he stepped onto his porch he removed the keys from his pocket and opened the door. The emptiness of the house reminded him of the void in his soul that was once occupied by Susan. She had been everything to him. Ralph had stolen his lover and Emma his friend. Maria was the first woman he had ever told he loved. The irony was that he still had no idea what it was a woman needed from a man. That realization crushed his fragile soul. His breaths became shallow and quick as the desperate reality that he may never find someone so special began to take hold.