FUCK, I DUNNO

(I'm a princess to me)

This can be a well isolating lifestyle. The ratios of people I can tell what I do, people that are interested, people I can't tell, creeps, and the people/creeps that wanna be friends is pretty skewed. I've got some amazing friends and if I had bigger balls I'd tell more of them. To be honest, I've poured my heart out to some mates about everything, but I chose the wrong moment and they were too drunk to remember. The moments I've realised they forgot everything I said is quite disheartening. Really, I'm quite introverted and I don't like to spill my feelings/life/guts too often. I've been at the centre of gossip before and I hate it. I live in a big town, but it feels fucking small sometimes.

Sometimes when I'm camming I get a nice relief in the way of people that don't want or expect a damn thing. They don't ask me to do owt, they just chat. They literally wanna know how I am. Some of them are people that I used to cam with but now it's too weird cos we're mates. Some are people I've never spoke to who come into my free cam room with some good banter to perk me up when I need it. Sometimes people pay to cam and they just wanna chat, clothes on.

For the record, I'm an ace camgirl; I have good shows all the time with people that just want a quick wank (sometimes well detailed fetish shows..) then vanish into the night ha ;) it's just the regulars that make it worth sticking around for, like, they make it fun and comfortable.

I got a message from a guy the other night; we used to get on pretty well, back when I'd started out. We cammed, we got on, we chatted a bit on skype, but when he disappeared into obscurity like loads do I thought nothing of it. So he pipes up the other day, re-adds me on skype, wants to video call to say 'Hi.'

I always charge for video calls. Plus at the time I was busy getting ready. One part of me wants to believe he legit just wants to say hi, but most of me knows he's gonna be trying for a wank. Not for free mate. Later on in the night he asks me how it's going. I say it's alright. I get this:

I know I'm naïve to think I can make any proper mates doing what I do - any staff party is gonna basically be a massive orgy. Nah, dead serious, when I'm feeling particularly lonely and girly and sensitive, [like now] being seen as a free cum bucket is the last thing I want.