"...After cake, candles and the people leaves, that's when you turn off the lights, darkness comes, and you realize, you ain't no longer your "past" self, you're forced always by natural selection, humour changes, health issues or sensations that ain't what the "happy birthday blah blah blah", can reflect on the person that should "celebrate" that is going to die sooner than before... "
Here, from the time eddie that bounds our communication from skaro metal bunker like city to this virtual but solid place made of words and payments for upvotes, we, the dalek hierarchy are back to communicate with your planet. We, the daleks pay our due promise to start full cyber conversion in a parallel evolution state as our second communicate for you humans from Steemit is here as now the time-space visualizer has started collecting data, writtings, and past thoughts of the man form behind the couple of recently turned to be fearful daleks, memories from less than 24 hours ago just retaining some of humanity in a flesh made machine filled planet.
These are the non fictionalized thoughts of a 24th year old "adult" living the last hours of this "age" and also living in a constant state of "The two masters" audio book, always trapped between the memories and moments (Bad... mostly) of his 23 past selves and his own year long life cycle of 24 coming to an end, remembering all the smiling, frowning, laughing, crying, victories and on a bigger scale, defeats, failures and many past versions moments that would love to rewrite if it was possible before "regenerating" to be a different age of "the own self" linked all together. (The full metaphor expanded at the end of this formal "first issue" of Time-Space Visualizer Presents).
Reflective/syntax combo: This by thinking way more and extending the written things and it's relations with other moments in life, more than the quick catch propaganda or commercials show, more movie like instead (see: aspect ratio) And you see there's a big difference between them two words, ask hitler... NO SHIT ASK THE DUSTY GHOSTLY REMAINS OF THE MAN IF THERE ARE ANY... or simply:
Propaganda is that famous and very well directed, cinematographic speech video with the troops following like assholes and causing a real life butterfly effect that led to what social life is today and not even tarantino can replicate with basterds on an account of what the hell keeps going on by removing hitler and adding some other nowadays power like figure that has a lot of of power hungry wolves behind saying the real shit you rant about on media today and tomorrow (won't talk about the man, won't give him credit, we all know who you want to say so, but this place is to talk about real great minds that will do something for our future someday, Elon Musk, Vitalik Buterin, John McAfee and people that will leave something worth of working with and enhancing for next generations to keep working on next couple of years).
And well, a commercial is an advertising selling "The Führer" paintings on ebay or tv lame ass 30 seconds format marketing, with big boobs to distract way more, you see? It's about money too but you have to consume, in the propaganda it's you being consumed by your morals of what's right or wrong and voting to play "im a good person" with your nearby people.
Oh isn't that already sad enough? I missed my last "4:20 synced time" to write this nonsense, hope at least to not miss this last "self" sunset, that special moment of the day when isn't afternoon or day anymore, it's for me the end of the life of the day, and the collapse to a full dark like the titanic once sank in liquid blackness 4,200 and so metters down... oh today, the passing of a version that can't watch another sunshine saying "Goodbye, i'll burn earth anyway in 130 million years, see your 25th self tomorrow as you have a misserable birthday BOOOOOOYYYY" <Phantasm anybody?>
"...The long thing is to go beyond of what's among those emotions based on the vivid moments themselves and not their definition on the books, you know, like face-book popular and successful people rant everyday with so much security being nothing more than a commercial themselves (been there, tried to do that, rose some hell for talking so "full of myself" to strangers). Well, this is the same if us were showing our faces, right?..."
I guess it isn't about loving myself at all... it's loving those special shades of red and orange fading away tru the white and grey skyline each day that my future self will have a mental picture of them saying goodbye... It brings me memories of my grandmother, that special moment of a day in fact and it's the saddest thing of this writting itself as I have no pictures with her anymore, after her passing our family computer/hard drive got damaged little time latter back in 2007 and as her physical self, now all of my memories remain as so, the three dimensional paintings that are just a step away from tangible, locked in past, in a grey matter shell that will die with them anyway one day, trying to remember what those pictures and days where like. Well, ironically our last new year's eve with her on 2006 (2007 already actually) in a group picture is my only image next to her by the date... <Need to take a break in here to keep wrapping this bullcrap load of sorrow and autobiographical moments to watch the sunset as said, maybe by the end of the night the full circle of the writting will have a meaning for someone uh?>
And as for any actual reader of this bullshit "article" or so; the long thing is to go beyond of what's among those emotions based on the vivid moments themselves and not their definition on the books, you know, like face-book popular and successful people rant everyday with so much security being nothing more than a commercial themselves (Been there, tried to do that, rose some hell for talking so "full of myself" to strangers, well this is the same if us were showing our faces right? the symbol loses it's meaning, nobody wants to follow another human and is what we're trying to live on our lives lately, this ain't a space to follow a trend, it's to reply and say some meaningful thing that will be saved on the blockchain, a debate for future generations to say "hey past wasn't that shitty" they had freedom of speech beyond an objective/informative radio or tv carton milk like lifeless news broadcast...
And been there on some extension too ironically promoting motor pumps and restaurants to get like 17 bucks sometime or another for something that kept being played while 17 bucks flew quicker than they came all the time, but well here is crypto and our second chance of trying outside the real face to face using others world.
Oh yes it's that constant soliloquium in a mental fight between past, present and an idealized future image of <WHO> would you love to be, better than those that you've have already tried to be on everything you've done, who've you done them stuff with or what's the real reason behind every action that bent the future of your life all along this moment in the first place, thoughts that only shall remain frozen as a death wish on a three dimensional painting adding more and more strokes of happiness, sadness, dramedy, tragedy and the fun behind every version that will be added to that mental painting each year before it's own self demise at 12:00 in the morning of the 6th day of each October leaving pass to <"the next doctor"> until his final death.
A 3D painting that no computer ever on gallifrey could recreate; This all hidden in this pitiful and manipulative mind going to be somebody else and yet the same person as the day on the calendar turns to the 6th and another race will begin for the 25th to fight himself and the past selves all along another "full year" to give his next versions a better future to pick up and smile truly one time or another, even if self hatred prevents him from it most of the times multi doctor stories and paradoxes pop up on the imagination of your writer as this is being typed.
<It's sort of more than lame when you read it all along uh? like "dude it's only your birthday, go out, do something and celebrate your life and be happy on your day blah blah blah" mmm not sure... there are many things to debate about happiness and the meaning of a day in the life of "a new self" and well, this is where all of this attention whore thing goes anyway>
"...George Carlin used to say that words are just that... WORDS, and that the real meaning or emotion as a compliment or an insult is up to the one that is the object or feels identified with pro or against of what another is expressing, so please once more turn your brain off from this and enjoy the script if you're reading up this point and if you're feeling identified somehow, and still I'm wondering "will someone actually read any of this shit at all?..."
Now back in dalek character... Through the eyes, the third person view of "Dalek J" this is his 24th incarnation leaving his will to the next doctor and anyone who can break the 4th wall of life itself and feel... feel, visualize and imagine yourself watching the scene as the director of the movie that this metaphor filled script of a dying version from a completely hated human entity divided between past, present and future is trying to guide you to direct, watch, think and reflect of too, that if there's empathy on your human emotions, the chemicals that your brain pump to respond quickly with a "uhum" or that most than common "LOSER, I WONT READ THIS LONG GEEKY SHIT FROM SOMEONE WITH A PERSONALITY DESORDER THAT IS DEPRESSED OF TURNING 25, AND TALKING LIKE TWO DIFFERENT HUMAN AND ALIEN BULLSHIT WRITING, THIRD PERSON REFERENCIAL AND ALL THAT SHIT. GROW UP KID! GO TO WORK!"
Well maybe we would like to make you feel like there are more than a simple couple of dipshit wetbacks managing this account/blog with one of them using it specially to write personal shit in euphemisms and comparisons like we were the fearful supremacy seeking but geometrically perfect creation that in real world the beauty of the daleks is since Terry Nation and Raymond Cusick let them as a testament to pop culture since 1963; And regarding any word that can heat up sensitive pals like the "wetback" expression, then this is not the place for you as I'm not in any way trying to harm or disrespect anybody than my own self at the moment and any given time to pull an internal laugh to the pity that is living anxious and fearful of tomorrow itself and the day after and so... and well, wife don't give a shit either about the "harmful" expression and that's why the next reminder goes with a PS:
Here we'll remark something; George Carlin used to say that words are just that... WORDS, and that the real meaning or emotion as a compliment or an insult is up to the one that is the object or feels identified with pro or against of what another is expressing, so please once more turn your brain off from this and enjoy the script if you're reading up this point and if you're feeling identified somehow, and still I'm wondering "will someone actually read any of this shit at all?.
But this special day/afternoon/night after a full year of changes that went by the end of the 23rd and beginning of 24th incarnation of this humble but same time egocentric kid, these same memories of past year "birthday" overcomes what reality will always be; after cake, candles and the people leaves, that's when you turn off the lights, darkness comes, and you realize, you ain't no longer your "past" self, you're forced always by natural selection, humour changes, health issues or sensations that ain't what the "happy birthday blah blah blah" can reflect on the person that should "celebrate" that is going to die sooner than before.
"...Now your dalek here rambling to his past of a fake life that never went full circle anyway when coming back to my past home drunk and puking felt worse, but hey, that ain't me anymore... but it's part of a someone that tried to feel complete and that's something this and my next set of versions will always seek in any possible matter to hold on to something, don't yours?..."
So yes, as now darnkess is falling and my window calls me to watch once more the skyline in a different shade I do realize, someone else has a birthday tomorrow, our fates never got connected by anything else than our day of birth, anyway I guess it may be a succesful day for that person to get out and celebrate as most should do, surely it's a known person, if that brings happiness then her congrats will be lots publicly, but let's go wondering if them will be sincere or very much cybermen emotionless carbon copy wishes that this self is trying to evade at all...
You know, now as the lame dude here, no inspired writter/third person dalek talking stuff to refer to ones selve and that shit...never was good for that sort of poetic, metaphor, euphemish filled shit thing anyway, always end up missing the point and going longer... but here i'll leave it to the reading pals to debate if these are simple rambling nonsenses of an asshole agoraphobic or something to take time and read, time after time, reply or who knows, leave a tip or two as this long writting had some sort of value at all in the upcoming times when the 24th year old me is no longer allowed to change anything at all of what is already said and done and lost in the past.
So yeah it's funny how everybody wish you a happy birthday without knowing if your "last year self" felt good of "keep changing" ... Changing clothes, changing and leaving friendships <less and less of fake sympathy that was only convenience anyway, so i'm thankful for that self favor to my future since that>, changing age and increasing in numbers but decreasing your lifetime ironically as you breath one more time; changing weight, health and food lifestyle,trying to put the body to work but for what anyway?, changing strategies to get some money and try to fill an emotional emptiness that only objects and comfortness; far away from harmful contact and "roast" one liner phrases to put you on a list of nothing more than an stereotype to fulfill others ego's on a shitty change of scenarios when they used to talk nice to you... Hmmm.
Yeah those are the reflections of the man that was me for the 2016 - 2017 and now your dalek here rambling to his past of a fake life that never went full circle anyway when coming back to my past home drunk and puking felt worse, but hey, that ain't me anymore... but it's part of a someone that tried to feel complete and that's something this and my next set of versions will always seek in any possible matter to hold on to something, don't yours?.
And yet, there are your relatives every year to remind you on that forced call full of advices that they won't know if works for your life, but yes they will be there to remind you that no matter how much your age increases, you need to show up that you ain't stuck being the same unearthly child of 25 times tomorrow those 25 times before being born, that little kid that's afraid and that don't know how to express in crowds <body language is shit and got the master diploma on being misunderstood specially on first impression> this free to leave prisoner that prefers to be locked in the 3D skaro painting, blasting lots of different music genres with the female dalek, yes, really do prefer that than to take the hypocrite "congratulations" from somebody that could hurt your future somehow anyway by fulfilling their own plots...
So... Have that one in mind, this will link the idea of this attention seeking person, seeking not to be accomplished or filled with unknown congrats for another year to remind me that I didn't chose or want to be born but indeed as said before with the Carlin's example supported or detracted in a very respectful way, like life used to be in "ye olde" days when gossip wasn't as needed as today for making a life full of ones-self's ego.
And now trying to go full circle with the actual beginning of the third person view of the day, this first next draft as the epilogue itsef began retroactively much like after a 2 A.M smoke break to reflect on the "upcoming last day of being 24". I guess its way more lame when you read it and know that it's again a dark 7:27 P.M. night of the same day almost full circle once more, soon to end your actual incarnation, an ontological paradox of a same man.
"...Trading and music, shows that every little thing in life is made up of pauses or progressions, by basically. taking time and counting. And yet the words of these women don't reflect on the claims and ideas behind everything that the actual women's right movement was based off more than 110 years ago; time... You see? how can the same women genre twist the fight of the women from 1900's now in the 2000's? yeah gorgeous, the woman anatomy is art to be admired, but at which cost to your own?..."
<Third Person POV Mindset Required> At 2 and so in the morning, after some smoke filling the lungs and some view of the sky, the street, the buildings and the nature itself around it. this body located on a roof on a 4th floor on a building on a city on a country on a water filled planet, this person known as "J" went back to his 4 walls asylum full white like a padded cell "apartment" and typed this on his mobile cellphone, the writting has been enhanced and ordered to reflect on what an slow mind needs to organize twice or more times in a quick life style that most of "centred" humanity relies on; quick responses that for me took up a day to organize in a letter to noone... without an even specific order:
Most people would reflect on their "new life" cycle when it's already his/her "birthday" they go to sleep the night before way before midnight normally and then the day happens as a birthday should do right? even more if their life styles are 5 day job routine. So here's the full READ TIL HERE? IT'S YOUR OWN QUIZ TIME SUCKAH:
After all that has been said in here, the reflections and so should go forward as a future self and accept forced compliments from those that don't know anything at all about the birthday boy/girl (And there's another worse than anything stuff, here's my open letter to why I hate that fake and soft "pc culture" army of "freedom of speech" hypocrites that is the same all over on any case, it's like "any group with an opinion can do this, we the (fill the blank) need some rights on society". This speech is the same paradox about any opinion or need of attention from any individual or group that raise themselves in a supremacist egotastical act much as this same letter to my own megalomaniac ego is anyway too at 9 pm already tru the only in my mind change.
But getting a little grip to conclude another side theme, it's funny to watch some pretty and full of security on themselves women claiming equal rights and to be treated with no privileges than of men do and so, being bullshit of their own so called "strong and independent feminism" when again in the opinions of yours truly, the Carlin call to words and their meanings, definition and even the mathematics on the syntax of every language, as in trading and music, shows that every little thing in life is made up of pauses or progressions, by basically. taking time and counting. And yet the words of these women don't reflect on the claims and ideas behind everything that the actual women's right movement was based off more than 110 years ago; time you see? how can the same women genre twist the fight of the women from 1900's now in the 2000's? yeah gorgeous. the woman anatomy is art to be admired, but at which cost to your own? (nonsense rambling).
But anyway in a more general "any rights seeking" group vs the rest of the world, anything next will be used to insult another opinion that for the "freedom speech/others freedom of speech oppressors" will be a paradox that you can far away notice is bothering them all sides, yeah by claiming the so called equal rights and all that shit talk ironically crushing yours in the process. Oh baby we have all seen that case on either of them sides, change the someone vs someone else and it's always the same ending: Misunderstanding and trying to be the right over the wrong. I'd say let's reflect on what's left of this own self few 3 hours to go back full circle to the roof and face my 24th self death alone and trascending to another self that will retain the same happiness and sadness and at the same time, them all will change the choices of the future doctor when past is already written on the stars.
But contrary to the red and orange afternoon ending of this same day, The skyline openning the October 5th of 2017 looked sad, (Now in third person but reading it as i was stilll the present moment, imagine this as the time it was written originally). The skyline looks sad, the streets are crumbled to the machinery and their roaring sounds even at this 2 am landscape, even over my always on headphones on and soundtrack at full volume to watch and reflect on another year that went by for my own third person vision, and so like the twelfth doctor I feel my actual version near death so pity when there in contrast of my history written into them; there are no stars on the beautiful nothingness of dark canvas that is the night sky of 2 A.M. With a contrast of the sea of darkness full of reflections and cancer mixed with some THC that is one's mind, full as well like this landscape, of rainy clouds and lighting around them.
Goodbye I bid to this own self, at times I enjoyed this full year o' changes, when this version felt he was doing it right, here I am now as the paradox of an impossible man, changing minds with my past selves, always stuck in the dull happiness of a child knowing what the world is for the first time, then realizing what it is, and starting all over again trying to forget, full of desires, ideas, and then "human sinful lust" feelings and thoughts that won't overcome a single day "to celebrate my life" to call myselft a good or a bad man, to love my life more than I despice the sole snowball effect that went by each day full of mistakes, you know, because being slow, shy and sometimes trying to play nice to the female genre when in fact should have been more of an asshole than in fact was, those things and memories that tend to repeat themselves with each doctor taking over the actual, are what gives the next me something to fantasize dying quickly with.
You know those "KILL ME PLEASE" moments in life? ... have a list for each self that could take over a book or two. crowd and female related anxiety moments that make me literally slap myself in a quick reaction after, yeah those times on your life when disappearing or never being born sounds like a possible thing when the shameful moment is actually getting written on history, no ticket back ever.
And then when the eleventh hour is gone and the clock strikes twelve, through the trasnparent mirror of my metaphors, I'll see myself transcending to be "a new self". "birthday" humans would say. (Finally the full metaphor from the beginning comes full in this retroactively written post, up next and it's when the most of your third person view is mentally/photographically required).
But in this mind always full of euphemisms and very vivid photographic moments that will never happen on this particular reality, as a movie, as a day of the doctor ending for my 24th incarnation, my 25th shall turn back to see an spiral stairway that seems to go up with my older version getting to act way more like a kid, but is in fact a falling stair in a zero gravity, never to occur moment trapped in my mind as my next self will try to hold on, to my 24 other selves that are holding hands tru each next layer of the mirror... Trying to never let go completely what this nobody is in a world full of beautiful faces, long legs, burgundy lips, chimichangas, hundreds of likes, quick responses, and total security on one selves, when in this brief multi doctor story; each of my own splinters scattered across my past is hating and yet trying to not let the next one lose faith on something in his own humanity to love, even if anything on this precious water filled world could kill me and you my reader that could be only myself fixing this text...
Agoraphobic, thalasophobic, afraid of all and away from my never to be self, someone that can enjoy 24 hours of a day that will never come back... I can feel today that my body is wearing a bit thin, and I don't want to go; any birthday wish on October the 6th from people that will break your will later anyway? This cosmic hobbo is prepared to meet his death off screen, and then return to help my future and say to myself "thank you past me, even if we all don't get along, I'll never forget being you" ...
…And this loser is watching through a window as the deepness of objects and buildings near and far, mimics with the clouds shapes full of rain and thunderbolts, when the clouds themselves are floating on another optical layer that beyond is the vast 92 billion light year diameter sphere of observable universe in that same dark space that we can't touch, fly nor explore, but me; only can respect and wish for some future generations to study and understand at full and see with their own eyes, afraid not of the change of scenario for your mind and body and it's stress altogether…
And as this day is coming to an end, finally on 10 pm, I can go back to the roof soon and watch the beauty between a place and time where my things don't blend at all, then maybe this self can trascend almost in full to keep being me after all, as this bullshit writing based on doctor who euphemisms created 54 years ago by many hands that the franchise has passed through ain't more than a long mental thing anyway for the author or shit writter of this long geeky sad panda bible.
The reality is as simple as a loser creep with headphones standing stoned at 2 A.M. then smoking a cigarette on a rooftroop of a shitty building thinking about his lonesome 25th birthday in less than 24 hours that at this precisse typing are more or less than 1 and a half, and this loser is watching through a window as the deepness of objects and buildings near and far, mimics with the clouds shapes full of rain and thunderbolts, when the clouds themselves are floating on another optical layer that beyond is the vast 92 billion light year diameter sphere of observable universe in that same dark space that we can't touch, fly nor explore, but me; only can respect and wish for some future generations to study and understand at full and see with their own eyes, afraid not of the change of scenario for your mind and body and it's stress altogether.
And as on this planet nothing else is left for my happiness rather than "just another day of the same but trying to do some little extra worth thing to learn and feel like this day really meant something"; Well this long rambling ends finally to reflect on the constant irony of giving explanations to everyone about depression and the doubts of what the world tells you what you must feel on a day when nobody really knows if your last full year before was happy or not, embracing the fact that the only happy thing of your birthday are the gifts you could receive and then hope to now having to cross path with them hypocrites until the next cheap soap or perfume.
For me that part of my life I hope is now finished completely and the only happiness is to spoil myself and the female dalek with some <Doctor Who> stuff that we really want the way this girl that also has her birthday tomorrow surely will be spoiled with perfumes, roses bouquet, and her life being celebrated and recognized, no problem, no envy at all, but never knew somebody that I shared my birthday with in a very "different worlds" like way so the comparison ain't at all a way to reflect on a "poor me" state, all said up to this point makes me want more talking daleks anyway so it's time to keep scalping some crypto downtrends and sideways for it to happen.
So now in the true and final epilogue, as to as this selfish narcissistic letter to the own self, the 24th version of "Dalek J" fading away is telling his past selves and his futures, that even on the last day, of living my full cycle <I'll never forget, when the doctor was me">
Back to the roof at 11:25 P.M. October 5, 2017, thanks if someone truly reads for a while, the mind of a mindless... goodbye from the 24th doctor.