Steemit Openmic Week 88 and Comedy Open Mic round 16: Sick Little Puppy (an original song)

This is a song I wrote while I was in high school in 1998(ish).

In my circle of friends, there was a girl (we'll call her 'S') who was having some problems at home and ended up staying at another mutual guy-friend's house. This guy (let's call him 'J') was our age and lived with his dad but had the whole basement to himself (S slept in their extra bedroom upstairs). It was a big open basement that pretty much just had his bed and dresser on one side of it, a couch, tv and a drum set on the other side and a fooseball table in the middle. We would regularly all hang out in his basement and play video games or fooseball, or just fuck around.

One day while she was staying there, S was cleaning up the basement when she noticed a pair of her underwear under his bed. When she retrieved them, it appeared that he had been using them to masturbate. She dug under the bed some more and found multiple other pairs of panties. But these ones were not hers. It turned out he had also been stealing them from other people's houses when he could sneak the chance.

Needless to say, S did not stay there much longer and the rest of us didn't invite J over to any of our houses again after that. Last I heard, he just got of prison for meth distribution.

One day, not long after the discovery, S, some other friends and I were hanging out and she was telling them all the story of J the panty thief. "What was he doing with them?" Someone asked.

"Well, let's just say he wasn't putting them on his head." S replied, referencing the 80's movie Weird Science.

I happened to have my acoustic guitar with me. After she told the story I started playing this simple 3 chord progression from a Gap commercial that was always on around that time and started singing jokingly about the sick little puppy that put 'panties on his head.' S began making up her own verse once I was done and it just kept going. We would go around the circle, all taking turns making up new verses to the song. It was kind of a fun ending to an otherwise creepy situation. There have been a lot of verses made up by a lot of people over the years. However, I have only ever really remembered the ones that I wrote. So, here they are...

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Lyrics

Well there he is
Sittin’ all alone
He takes those panties out from under his bed
He looks around
Makes sure no one’s watchin’
Then he puts them on top of his head

‘Cause he’s a sick little puppy
Such a sick little puppy
Well, he’s a sick little puppy
Putting panties on his head

He sneaks around
Taking peoples panties
Even if he don’t know just where they’ve been
I don’t know much
Ain’t read much of the bible
But, in my book
That’s gotta be a sin

For that sick little puppy
He’s such a sick little puppy
He’s a sick little puppy
Puttin’ panties on his head

He goes around
No one’s really sure
What’s going on inside of his head
Don’t look now
Just when you turn around
Your underwear is on his head

Cause he’s a sick little puppy
He’s such a sick little puppy
Well he’s a sick little puppy
Puttin’ panties on his head

Well a
sick sick
sick little puppy

He’s a
sick sick
sick little puppy

Such a
sick sick
sick little puppy

He's a
sick sick
sick little puppy

And he’s got
panties panties
panties on his head

Well there’
panties panties
panties on his head

He’s got
panties panties
panties on his head

Well there's
panties panties
panties on his head
He’s fucking sick.

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For the @comedyopenmic nominations, I would like to nominate a couple of Steemians who seem to have great senses of humor:

@mongoosely
@gibic

Thanks for listening everyone. Stay outta trouble. And keep those panties off of your head!

Best wishes,
@veckinon