2018 In a Nut Shell

Where to start. 2018 started like just another year. January 12 started with Major Surgery for me. I have been dealing with extreme pain for a very long time. So on this day I had a full hysterectomy, and 2 days in the hospital. For the past year before my dad had been in and out of hospital for numerous medical issues. Our relationship has always been strained. For about 3 years we have talked on an off, trying to mend our broken relationship. I thought I would have more time, to mend that ravished broken bridge. So while I was in surgery we thought he would make it through this time. Two weeks after surgery my doctor cleared me for flight. So I went to Las Vegas to see him. He was so weak, in and out of sleep, heavily medicated. I put on the gown, gloves and mask, due to the fact that he was in ICU. I held his hand, had not seen my father for at least 15 yrs. But he would open his eyes and I knew he could see me, his First Born child. Even with the breathing tube and all the beeping, I could see him smile. He knew I was there. I stayed with my sister, and we went to see him everyday while I was there. I hated to leave, but I still have to recover from my surgery, so I flew home back to Nashville, TN. Continued my recover because I wanted to get better, and get back out to Las Vegas to see my dad. Unfortunately on February 4, 2018 my father passed away, a mere 48hrs after I left. I feel that I was brought there, so he could see me one last time, and know that I love him and he loves me and that it was ok to go. I haven't been the same since. I put up a front for everyone at work, my family and my friends. My body too, wants to give up. My heart breaks everyday. I loathed going to work, eating, doing anything other than crawl into a very dark place. A place full of demons, nightmares and dread. I listen to a Swedish Metal band called Ghost. The words to Life Eternal, is my anthem. The words penetrate my soul like no other. If anyone out there listens to them, you understand where I am coming from. I know I need to just pull my big girl panties on and steamroll over all this BS. My father is my Guardian Angel and I know he is just shaking his head at me, and telling me I can do anything if I set my mind to it. I have an awesome husband, wonderful friends and family, and a daughter I am so very proud of. I need to be here for my future grandchildren, for my daughter and my husband. Life has thrown me some curve balls, many with spikes on them. Cuts me like a knife and thought I would never recover, but somehow I was able to, this time it's so much harder. This is my first posting, so be kind. I'm just learning this whole Steemit thing, thanks to a very dear (not that old) but have known him for more than 1/2 my life, so thank you RC. Well good night, and hold your family close, cause tomorrow is not promised.