An asside: Years of agony solved in one post for me - here

https://steemit.com/blog/@loveon/tarot-wyzdom-with-love-7-steps-in-30-minutes-or-less-to-learn-the-tarot-cards

I learned to read cards from this post. I have been agonizing over them for years, and this one post cleared it all up - so I am including it for you.

The main topic of this post is

Community

Social Media vs. REAL FLESH AND BLOOD HUMANS AND NATURE.

The reading tells it all - Present: Disappointment. Past: The promise of great intuitive insight- which I got from my friends on steemit - @jphenderson, @dana-varahi and her husband @antonchanning, @alchemage (who is still on here), and @sift666 who is the ONLY person I have gotten and email address from who I talk to on email and others... but they are mostly all gone now - I wasn't willing to chat on Discord and they seem to have gone away. Anton and Dana are married so they have community together. I think I just put too much faith or too much energy into social media.

And the future - Transformation - the death of the old. My social media community is dead. I need more human connection than social media connection. It sucks me in and then it does not have enough to give me.

15 years - it took for me to come to this. I deleted my Facebook account 5 weeks ago and I can read again. I am reading
The Hidden Way Across The Threshold https://www.amazon.com/dp/1375673807/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_PGeVDb3QXHMMC by J.C. Street -

here's a link to the .pdf https://www.preteristarchive.com/~preteris/Books/pdf/1887_street_hidden-way-across-the-threshold.pdf

And I have a new friend. It took 14 years for me to find a FRIEND. A female potential FRIEND. 14 YEARS. OMFG!!! I have a boyfriend too! These are the only reasons why I am staying here in Colorado. If it was not for people I love, I would leave and try it somewhere else - but it has taken 14 years for me to meet a female who I think I could actually be friends with.

Friends

I did have a friend back in 2009 - but she liked to gossip and our whole relationship was based on gossiping and I fell into it because I wanted a friend. In the end it blew up because she said I gossiped about her. Lesson learned.

I have one friend that I made 14 years ago. He is the only one left from the old crowd. He just went back to his home town in PA to be near his biological family. He lives an hour north of me in Longmont, CO and although we talk on the phone, I never see him hardly. I tried to move “home” to the East Bay of California back in 2013 but that was a fiasco. If I did not have a boyfriend here, I would have taken a geographic cure by now – maybe back to NY, but I would not have found what I am looking for.

We had a great group at one time. We hung out almost every night of the week at one another's houses. But shit happens. And now we don’t talk anymore. People have left and gone on to different groups and we are no longer friends. We are so selfish that no one notices the ones who are missing. Most of the shit that happened had to do with relationships. One guy broke up the marriage of a woman I was mentoring – and everybody was appalled and he was shunned – so those 2 are gone. Another guy got in a relationship with a woman who was jealous of his previous friendships with us gals, so he blew us off and they are married - when I run into him, he looks over my head like he can't see me...

– the others moved away – some went back to the dark side, some went to church… but that flourishing community that we had turned out not to stand the test of time.

I am more respectful of that now that I can see how flimsy it is. I don't have children or biological family which is instant community.

Real people. People who are real. Fortunately I have that with my boyfriend. Now, this new friend – it could last. I have another gal here who is a potential friend as well. In a little while she might grow into a friend but right now I am her spiritual mentor. In order to be someone’s spiritual mentor, I can’t be her friend – it’s a conflict of interest. I must have spiritual licence to tell her what she is doing and she does not have that with me. Eventually, though, once she grows more, we can be friends.

I have met a lot of people. But none of them have grown into friendships. In 14 years! Why? I don’t know – but it seems like the internet has a lot to do with it. I am not a joiner, either. I have very eclectic tastes. I take a little from this and a little from that and if I can’t talk to you about a variety of topics – we are not friends.

I have friends i talk to on the east coast and some in California - on the phone. Still no flesh and blood people.

I had a friend who helped me out a lot when I lost my job and my apartment back in 2008. But he’s a democrat – and I just can’t talk to him and his wife – because I am not either – he still thinks chemtrails are condensation and all he wants to talk about is Donald Trump - I can't talk to this guy anymore.

By educating myself about what’s going on, I set myself apart from most people. Then by studying the occult – I set myself apart from my spiritual peers. I was just looking for the Truth. But most of them are content with the proxy. I met my new friend a while ago but we did not start talking until the shadow of Mercury Rx began, so I am worried that we won’t be friends after it goes direct. That did not happen with my boyfriend. He and I started talking during the outgoing shadow and after Mercury went direct we got in deeper – so I hope that it works out with her.

She and I have so much in common… she knows what’s going on. She was at Naropa and learned a lot from peers and her brother also knows – about the Dark Occult and the pedophiles and the take-over from within – the New World Order and eugenics via the medical establishment, scientism, gmos, etc – she knows all that – not quite as much as I know – because I have been studying with Mark Passio since 2015 – but it’s unnecessary for her to know all that. What’s important is that she does know. She’s not letting her kids get vaccinated and she’s seeking to raise her consciousness through spiritual means and live by Natural Law.

She is becoming a certified yoga instructor. After Mercury RX I think she and I might work together on yoga. Right now I am doing Kundalini with Nervair Khalsa on DVD.

My main problem is discipline. I rebel against it – and I just have to surrender to a daily practice. I have to ask God to help me do that. I have never succeeded – but having her – in community, helps me. I can't depend on a person but having people helps so much. I get so lonely.

Having not had community for a while, I now know what I was missing – when I am without community, I don’t challenge myself much to do anything. But when I have a friend – who I have to answer to spiritually in my mind – I will challenge myself. She is a double Leo and so being fixed – has a natural discipline – which I don’t have at all. My boyfriend is also fixed – an Aquarius – so I am surrounded by them and I see now that my challenge is to learn from them not reject them – my body needs a disciplined practice to heal and get strong.

My hope is that the 4 of us will hang out – she and her partner and me and my boyfriend – he’s a biker dude also like my boyfriend. Her husband was killed in Iraq – and my boyfriend is ex-military. We have a lot in common. We love God- all of us love God in our own ways… another thing we have in common. We have our common spiritual practice that we share.

But, it may not work out after Mercury goes direct.

Mercury RX

The thing about she and I is that she and I both have Mercury in our Sun signs which make Mercury RX very tough on us – and being that we are both firey leaders we don't take kindly to having to put a halt on things for 5 weeks – but I showed her this about her Sun being in Mercury and my experience with it – and she can totally relate so I got a lot of credibility from that…

It is something I have observed. The only thing I can do during Mercury RX is nothing much – go back and finish things I started and clean the oven… not bring up controversial topics - be quiet. So against my nature. Rest.

Steemit

I am going to stay on here but try not to rely so heavily upon it. My next addiction is Netflix/TV - I am going to try to give that up.