Why I'm not having a child (ever)

People seem to lose their mind at the idea, that I'm selfishly not going to have a kid of my own. To me, the reasons seem pretty obvious...

1. I think they're dangerous.
I'm told constantly that I'm "great with children". Of course I am. I'm 6'2" and 200 pounds, if I wasn't great with them I'd be behind bars, or worse.

I saw what happened to Harambe, I know what's up.

2. They're a legal liability. Until they're 18, their fuck ups are yours too.
Look away for a moment, next thing you know, you're on the news being moralised about by coke addled news anchors humming and hahhing about responsibility.

3. They'll lock you in to whatever shitty job you're at.
Think your job sucks? Want to quit it? You can't. You know you can't and your boss does too. Little Timmy needs new shoes. Want a payrise? Tough. We know you need this job.

4. It gives your partner a huge tool for emotional blackmail.
This person you had a child with can now call you, for any reason, for the next 18 years, demanding something using your child as a bargaining chip.

How can I change this diaper when I'm trying to change the world?

5. Money
See all that sweet Steem Power in your account? That's the downpayment. Braces, food, housing, shitty SUVs that get 5mpg, family vacations, lawsuits, proms, alcoholism. Children are financial masochism.

This is how you pay for braces

6. Freedom
Nope, you can't do it.

Timmy's home from school in five minutes and he has an infection. How wonderful.

7. Global Warming and Inequality The world is getting fucked at an increasing rate. Would you want to be born into the Trump presidency? I think not.

Written for Steemit on my neglected HP laptop