First time mum expectations

When I was pregnant I had such big ideas about how life would be with a baby. My days were going to be filled with long walks while the baby sleeps in her stroller. I was going to be able to get the washing done, tea cooked and live in a spotless house. It was going to be awesome.

This is not me pushing the baby, it's how I had imagined life would be....I wish!

Shortly after we got home from the hospital did I start to realise how wrong I was.

It quickly became apparent that I didn't have time to cook us a healthy meal. I barely had time to feed myself. I was limited to eating food that I could eat with one hand, while I was either nursing my baby, getting her to sleep, or walking around in endless circles of our lounge, keeping her happy. There really wasn't much time to cook. I was eating toast, scones, muffins or sandwiches. All types of food that my body doesn't like. But I was STARVING and needed to eat. I didn't have time to cook an actual meal.

A few days after being home I thought that I had better walk our poor dog. Man, I felt guilty about him. He's my fur-baby! I treated him like my child and then we turned up home with an actual baby that took all my time and my poor dog got shoved aside. I thought to myself "no problem, I'll get out for a walk and my baby can sleep while we are out. Babies sleep in prams right?"
Wrong again. This baby doesn't sleep in a pram. The opposite happens. Lots of crying and screaming about 3 minutes down the road. I tried for 3 months to get her to like her pram with no luck. Each walk would end up with me carrying her in my arms while trying to push a pram and walk a 40 kg dog. I ended up buying a carrier which I think has been the best thing I've ever spent money on. At least now I can get out for a walk with my baby strapped to me, and the dog is happy with his life again!

As for having a spotless house....hahaha! Some days I struggled to clean myself, let alone my house! I had to let my partner know what to expect when he got home. In the early days the house was usually untidy with dirty dishes, tea half prepared, dirty washing piling up. He always told me that my job is to look after our baby and he didn't expect anything else. I did though. I felt absolutely useless. How could I go from a senior team member in a high pressure job to someone who couldn't look after a household and do a few basic chores? Seriously, it was hard work and I felt guilt for pretty much everything that I couldn't do, especially when my partner would get home from a long day working and then having to come home and either clean up and cook tea, or go straight into looking after our baby so that I could cook or clean.

I've learned over time to let go of any expectations for what I can achieve in my day. Once I realised that I was the one putting the pressure on myself to get everything done and when I learned to just let go, I started relaxing and enjoying the time with my girl. It's okay for us to live in a house that isn't spotless, or have washing that isn't folded immediately. I'm not going to remember those things in the years ahead, but I will remember my daughters first smiles and laughs from our playing. I will remember watching her learning to use her hands. I will remember how much she loves our dog and how she just wants to be close to him and watch him. I will remember the cuddling and the closeness and how strong our bond is. It's time I won't get back and I will never regret spending time with her instead of doing chores.

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