Today I want to take some time to talk to you about your children, no matter how old they are. I want to tell you that it’s okay that your kids aren’t exactly like you. It’s okay that they make different choices, things that you may think of as mistakes. What’s not okay is trying to force them to be your clones.
“If you love something, let it go.”
A lot of parents, especially those from more conservative families, think that their children should act the same way they do, listen to the same music they do, dress the same way they do… they want their kids to grow up exactly the way they did. Why is that so important to them? Deep down, they believe that the way they were raised was the best way. They believe that they are, as parents, flawless in their thinking. But as times and cultures change the old ways of raising children tend to expire, and new methods become necessary.
Expecting your kids to be exactly like you isn’t fair to them. As parents it is your job to raise your children to be good, respectable members of society, not drones. You can guide them, explain to them your beliefs, show them what you believe to be true, but ultimately you have to let them make their own decisions. You have to let them choose what kind of music they listen to. You have to let them get tattoos and piercings if they believe it’s okay. You have to let them choose their own beliefs. All you can do is explain to them your side of things and leave them be.
There are far too many parents who try to force their beliefs on their children, and their kids are the ones that end up unable to see past what their parents have told them. They can’t make their own choices. They become sheep. These are kids that often end up resenting their parents for not letting them make their own choices. Forcing your opinions on your kids builds a wall between you and them that takes years to tear down. God gave us free will so that we could make our own choices. Nowhere in the Bible does it ever say your kids have to be your clones.
Maybe you are raising your kids in this way because you love them and want them to grow up well. I can accept that. But I also caution against choosing your own selfish desires over your child’s happiness and well-being. As humans we tend to choose the path that gratifies us, and not what is actually best.
Parents, please, do not punish your children for not making the same choices as you. If your teen wants to listen to rap, let them. Punishing them for exercising free will, especially when they aren’t harming anyone, is a terrible, terrible thing.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that your 6 year old should be choosing what to have for supper or what music you play in your house. But when they get to a certain point they have to make their own choices. If your kid is 17 and they want to eat only iced cream for three days straight, let them. They can learn from the consequences. The best thing to do in that situation is to warn them of the consequences they might be facing, and then let them be. You cannot make their choices for them.
I hope you take what I’ve written to heart. The way you raise your children has a huge impact on their lives.
-Sean