Over the last years, the approach to bringing up children has changed dramatically. It wasn't a rapid change, though. It was such a long and non-invasive process that most of us haven't really noticed it. But it happened. Our approach to children, childhood and responsibility is different now. In short – the process of learning life has changed.

If you still don't know what I'm talking about, do a quick test: try to remember your childhood. Not the whole thing, just specific situations. Did you use to go out alone? Shopping on your own? How did you settle things between you and your friends? What games did you play? What toys did you have? How many times did you hurt yourself?

Pocketknives, knives and Rambo

That's the point. A while ago I spoke about childhood with my brothers. We were trying to remember our favourite games. One of them was "the mushroom" (a game where you throw a knife). It was a common game among kids in my neighbourhood. We were 8 or 7 years old (I was born in 1982) and nobody was surprised to see us playing with knives on the lawn in front of our block. I can't imagine children playing with knives in my neighbourhood right now. Did children get dumber over the last 20 years? I don't think so. They may be a bit more aggressive and surely less responsible.

Let's focus on knives for a moment. I remember getting a beautiful Swiss army knife from my grandfather. I also remember that it was a totally normal gift. And when my brother Marcin turned 9, he bought himself a fake Rambo knife for his own money. It may not be completely normal, but it was far from being controversial. And I need to point out that I wasn't brought up in a dysfunctional home and my parents were among the most conservative ones in the whole neighbourhood.

I also remember that we used to go out on our own. We had some limitations regarding where we can go and where we can't, but generally everyone was cool with it. Nowadays I see that a lot of people are afraid of letting their kids go to the local shop alone.

Responsibility

Parents of the modern day try to do pretty much everything for their children. They invest in plenty of after school classes, not letting the kids learn the most important thing – responsibility. The problem with getting off the leash is much stronger these days. We are so afraid that our children will get hurt, that we produce emotionally handicapped people.

"We snatch the child from life's hands so that death does not snatch it from ours; we do not want it to die, but we do not let it live." ~ Janusz Korczak.

Because after all, the only difference between us and the children is the lack of experience. Parents have been responsible for helping the children to gain this experience, before they leave home, for ages. We cannot prevent children from hurting themselves. We can teach them to avoid it, but we cannot avoid it for them. Such experience is best gained at the young age.

Fire burns, knives cut, and the world won't end if you get smacked in the face. It's us – parents, fathers – who are supposed to bring up children so that they won't get eaten by the world. But we must also remember that regardless of our attempts to prevent it, the world will try to eat our children anyway.
In the end, we shouldn't try to live for our children. We should let them live. And stand BY them instead of doing things FOR them.

P.S.

I sincerely recommend watching this short lecture by Gaver Tulley. It's absolutely genius and eye-opening. It shows where the West has gone (and how stupid we are for chasing it). It also presents some clever solutions. Gaver Tulley is the author of the book "50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do)".

Best wishes,
Zuch

---

If you like this article, do not forget to share it with your friends! Please also consider following my account. Once a week I publish a slightly longer article (like this one) and even more often you can find on my profile new episodes of The Office Tales.

P.S. 2

I can respond to comments with slight delay, because right now I am on a trip with my son to Intel Extreme Masters