It might be tempting to want to vent your frustrations over your child's argument on social media, but it can end up making things worse.
When Sarah Marpell's 5-year-old daughter came home from school and told her mother the lunch room monitor called her a monkey, she was outraged. As a mom of a black child, she was used to talking about racial bias in the Houston community and posting about the incident on social media. like Many parents take her child's story as if it really happened.
Kindergarteners aren't always the most reliable reporters, however: "It turned out that a lunch monitor made the comment while teaching kindergarteners how to open a banana." first step Should talk to the school and find out what's going on. A friend of Marpell's lunch supervisor saw the post and was able to explain what actually happened. "Friends explained and apologized, but it was awkward for a while," she said — even though they Still friends now.
Like most parents, Mapel was emotional when she heard her child had been injured. Like most modern parents, she turned to the internet for help out of frustration. In a 2020 Pew Research Center study on parental attitudes, two-thirds of parents believed that increased smartphone and technology use had Making parenting harder than it was 20 years ago — partly, no doubt, because of the tricky social situations that come with using it. It is becoming more and more common that an outbreak or change of circumstances in the online space tends to make things worse. Ability to connect with virtually any teacher Or fellow parents in the virtual world, some parents have blurred lines about when and how they should actually intervene with their children.
For Imani Jackson*, a parent in Washington, D.C., problems that started in school spilled over into every aspect of her personal life due to online interactions.
In 2019, students of color in her children's 5th grade class were asked to role-play various scenes from history, including slavery and drinking from segregated water fountains. While the incident itself received national media attention, the impact of parental opinion has filtered through the entire school Community. Jackson was horrified to hear her daughter discuss the incident with friends. "A friend of hers was forced into slavery," she said. Another girl was chosen as a slave owner and had to participate in tears.
While the school has apologized and changed its teaching strategy, parental views of the incident have raged online. In an unofficial Facebook group associated with the school, as well as in the anonymous DC Urban Moms forum, accusations flew and real-life relationships became awkward, Jackson said It's clear that some white parents don't care about fairness. “When rubber hits the road, for a community that likes to think of itself as very progressive socially and politically, it’s only a question if it affects ‘me and mine,’ she said.
While leading an event for a children's community organization, Jackson had to have tense conversations with other parents who she learned from their posts saw the world very differently than she did. She completely ended a relationship. "There was a mom I thought was a friend, but I After her comments on social media, I distanced myself from her,” she said. Jackson now has a smaller chat group where she feels comfortable, but after seeing so many parents publicly abuse other parents, she is more cautious about what she shares in public places.
Part of the question says Emily King Ph.D. is that society is still learning how to navigate a world with blurred digital boundaries. As a school psychologist now working in private practice, she sees families struggling every day to figure out how to parent within these blurred boundaries. sometimes like to be in In Marpell's case talking to the school first would provide useful insight. Other situations do not require parental mediation at all, but given how accessible other parents and teachers are these days, the urge to intervene may be strong. "It's important to practice our Preaching and simulating face-to-face social interactions for our kids when emotions are running high or when we don’t know someone well,” says King. Her rule of thumb: If you don’t know a parent well enough to talk in person, you probably shouldn’t be doing it contact them online.
We are a generation of users who were never taught how to use social media.
"My generation of social media users was never taught how to use it," Kim said. She's not surprised when parents who remember life without social media now struggle to use it to communicate effectively. Step back and look carefully at each Know the situation - if any - before deciding how to intervene.
It's good for kids if they can handle their drama without adult help.
As Dr. Tasha Brown says, when a child tells them about a conflict, the first thing parents should consider is whether parental involvement is needed. As a child psychologist in New York, she helps families resolve conflict of all kinds every day—and help them realize when they Need to step back and allow their kids to exercise some autonomy. "When we were growing up, something happened in school -- it happened in school," she said. "There was no movement until the next day. But what's happening now is what happened at the school spread to the night. "Parents unnecessarily get caught up in situations where kids may be able to navigate themselves, sometimes amplifying it. When an overly involved parenting culture meets a world of constant connection via social media app groups, the ensuing drama will happen Chat and other digital access points.
In Milwaukee, Brandi Hampton* dealt with unsolicited social media messages — sometimes daily messages — from a mom about their daughter, who was in elementary school at the time. Complaints were minor, Hampton said. "It's usually something trivial, like her kid thinks my kid Made a face at her," she said. "She always blamed it on my kid's fault and said I needed to 'talk to her'. "
Hampton, however, never felt the need for adult intervention and said she was happy when the girls drifted apart as friends. To her, these little friendship squabbles are something girls should be able to sort out on their own as they grow up.
Kim agrees that letting the kids handle minor disputes is a good thing. "I recommend letting kids figure things out on their own in any setting," she says, "unless there's name-calling, teasing, or physical contact, and that's when an adult is needed to defuse the situation."
Laura Bierbower is a licensed school counselor, mother and administrator in Northwest Pennsylvania. As with all things, children learn the most when their parents set an example for them. "It's really important to teach your kids self-advocacy," she says. "Authorize them to tell Growing up in school and following up to make sure this happens in due course helps them develop important life skills. As a parent, you're not always in a situation where you can fix things for them. "Remember, kids are watching how their parents talk and interact with others Parents at school do the same and try to be as respectful as possible.