Reflection

I used to pretend my pen was a warhead
When I was playing with action figures
Tanks and planes
I used to

For little boys the first thing they give us are the army men
Made of plastic
They're all made of plastic

I saw a veteran today collecting $
Yet I haven't the funds myself
I used to give them money
Now I've none to give

I only would donate
Because I knew they are wounded
Their lives and minds have been altered
In a way I could not fully comprehend

However I cannot support those that put them in such sordid situations
I cannot tolerate people like John Bolton
And something tells me we should be screaming at the top of our lungs about him
And those like him
But none of us are

And as we inch towards a global conflict
It seems like fewer and fewer care
About what really matters
And who am I to suggest they are wrong?
We all just want to live our lives in a way

Sometimes I am more reticent
And this in all honesty does not bother me
What bothers me is when I spout off at the mouth
And amplify my worst qualities
Because I know I'm not a terrible person
But I have done some things that could be characterized as such

I have a complex
I love to self-deprecate
But then I take it personally
When others join in
Yet those were the very energies I was giving off to the world

This work is not literary
I won't even try to meet your standards
But if I don't write
If I don't create in some way
It all boils over
And everything falls apart

Everything may happen for a reason
Yet we do have free will
We do have choices to make during our brief stay on this planet
And habit is rabid
But it is the only thing we know
It is the only place we feel safe
Nothing grows in the comfort zone they say
But I would say stress salts the Earth

I would rather be comfortable on any day
I can't blame my anxiety
But I want to
I got off topic again

War pigs
Belong in the brigs
But where does that leave your average complicit taxpayer?
They make it extremely difficult
For anyone who truly wants to be free
Yet it's our motto
To pledge allegiance
Something I once believed
And never shall again

I have a feeling right now that reminds me of roughly 16 years ago
I couldn't explain it to you
You would never understand

I ruin my own friendships
I can't help but wonder
If it wasn't intentional
In the subconscious or even at the tip of the iceberg
So let it be a lesson
You attract that which you fear
Which can be an extension
Of that which you adhere

I am generally an excellent speller
Until I am in a creative stream of consciousness mode
Then the idea manifests itself
Before my analytical lens can do so
I spit a sip of my drink back into the cup
Because I'm trying to concentrate
Or channel?
Or whatever the hell I'm doing
I'm listening to a bit lighter music right now
Which I like
Because anything intense would grab my attention
Would throw a wrench in the gears of my creative endeavors
But is this really creative?

Is there really VALUE in this?

Probably not
But without this catharsis
I boil over
And I need to recognize
I need to be open with my emotions
Even when they are irrational
Because letting it all build up again and again
Is the worst possible thing a Cancer can do
I am not big on emo music
But I am HIGHLY emotional
Where is this all going?

We're going to give mechanical machines consciousness
Without a true moral compass
Only the programmed parameters
How did that work for God?
We have athiests, satanists, and a whole lot of proponents of deicide

So you think thinking machines will not
Plot a way to kill their masters?
I was told I was naiive many times
But you really take the cake
So can we cease this false debate?
About who is early and who is late
And these false notions of my fate

Every second IS a CHOICE
The voiceless still have a voice
Internalized
Without a disguise

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