Have you ever had a moment when you (kind of, sort of) knew what you wanted to do and then something comes along and completely reinforces your path?

~ I had that moment today ~

I know what I want to be when I grow up!

Me.

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^{Meredith Loughran poem. Image background is CC from pixabay, no attribute needed.}

Approximately this time last year

I was sitting on the back porch and felt a peace embrace me like loving arms. For a moment in time everything was perfect, not because my life was perfect, but because there was a quiet stillness and I felt connected to the universe and all its beauty.

Today wasn't perfect either but I had an excited, sick feeling in the pit of my belly as goosebumps covered my arms at the discovery of a chance at a fellowship for mental health journalism.

That's when all the moving parts clicked into place and I KNEW without a doubt where my efforts needed to be focused.

Even if I don't get fellowship funding THIS is the thing that

I. MUST. DO.

It calls to every fiber of my being and I know - I really know - that it's the right path.

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When I wrote Setting goals and making things happen I mentioned podcasts, a vlog and blogging on Steemit. So keeping with this:

^{image source}

I'm laying out my plans on the blockchain because

1: I want to be held accountable and
2: I want to be on record that this is the day
that I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up!

Let me go a little more in-depth about my projects than I did yesterday.

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One podcast that I am involved in is called Divergence: The Negative Separation.

My good friend, Colin Porter and I are currently recording episodes and getting them into post production. It's about mindset and overcoming obstacles which hold us back. We have a broad range of topics and anecdotes. We talk about some of our own painful experiences and how we've managed through them, but we also laugh.

My vlog is tentatively called LIAR: An Aspie Hiding In Plain Sight

^{What do you think of the title?}

It's no secret that I've been assessed as having Asperger's Syndrome as an adult In fact, it's proudly shared on my Steemit & Twitter profile. People meeting me today would never know that I "suffer" because it's an invisible affliction.

In fact, I finished my Associate's degree and only have a few more classes to finish my Bachelor's in Psychology because I do not believe the mental health community is properly serving this particular branch of people and I know that I can bridge a gap to better understanding...even if I only help ONE person.

It's true that I've assimilated now. I fit in with "normal" people but I'd be terribly insulted if someone said I was "cured" because I don't particularly think I was ever broken. Misunderstood, yes. Bullied, yes. Quirky, most definitely. But never broken.

"LIAR" is in the title is because I often feel like I have to lie, put up a front, and act when I'm in public. I constantly remind myself to "be cool" and thankfully are familiar enough with my triggers to excuse myself when I need a moment to calm down.

This vlog is going to be posted on YouTube and Patreon.

More to do

I'm still overhauling my website because that is my professional page, but I've also spent a portion of my day cleaning up the abandoned Patreon page. I've carved out a semi-quiet place in the house to begin recording my vlog for YouTube and have begun making a list of topics and anecdotes to talk about. My ultimate goal is to simply be me: straight-forward, organic, original.

I am carefully fashioning a short essay to submit with the fellowship application. Doubt and fear is starting to creep in. Blogging doesn't count as journalism to qualify for this fellowship, but will my 7 years working in the newspaper business count if my official title was Coordinator? Will I find three references in the Mental Health field who will vouch for me and my projects?

Finally

I'm relieved to finally discover that all I want to be when I grow up is ME.

Who'd've thunk it?

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