There is this person we look up to – someone who, in a way, sparks our insecurities and ignites our admiration, motivated to overcome what it was able to conquer. A sky so hard to reach but is able to inspire on its own. As I looked up, dazed, I remembered moments.
I’m not sure if the room is too warm or cold – or probably something in between, classmates murmuring behind and aimlessly staring at nowhere – like I am – totally made the atmosphere a bit busy and humid. Our teacher as disturbed and bothered as his students, indirectly complaining about our short attention span and unrelated actions to the discussions, made me drift off space. But more than that, it’s probably the glass door’s fault for exposing the clear, wide, beautiful and blue sky. Mesmerized as I wander and float in thoughts – fading out every noise around me, I began writing down stuff I wonder why about the wonder sky.
Every individual in this room has probably – if not all, most – looked up and seen the sky, but do they wonder why? It has a beauty accessorized by the bright sun and white clouds at daytime; starry and moonlit at night time. It embraces Earth with spectacle. With its wonders, do we even wonder why? Do we bother to look up at the sky when it rains or do we acknowledge its existence only when a beautiful sunset or sunshine paints the sky? Do we never see more of its beauty? Do we see its pain or even wondered if it has? Does it only matter when we find it beautiful and wonderful, or even when we just feel like it? Just like in this moment, when they are torn between listening to a vexed teacher over doing something necessary, have they ever bothered witnessing its magnificence in this early hour of the day?
I see it – you see it. It’s right above us, it’s out there in the vast space visible to the public, but do we bother wondering about it? We probably adore and admire how it shines – how it has it all. It is capable of shinning – both at night and during the day, attracting attention – displaying moving images of the clouds painted in the clear blue sky, blessed to be able to reflect vibes that can change one’s mood; cannot be harmed and has inconspicuous flaws. However, have we ever pondered that the sky might actually have less despite it feeling like everything is under him/her – free of anything, bright even at night, calm and clear but also composed under any weather circumstances? Do we think that just because it is not deprived, does it mean it has it all? Those things we look up to are probably as empty as the clear blue sky, but it doesn’t matter because it will still shine nevertheless – at least for the people who are looking up at it, expecting from this sky full of wonders. And I, who can do things on my own, persist to ponder if people even wonder why I do well on my own or if I’m suffering at all?
With all these skies I see and people I consider as skies, I can be considered as my sister’s sky – capable of doing well in school on my own with flying colors. I can feel that most in my family look up to me as a rising or expanding sky. I’ve always wondered why my parents would do the things my sister is obligated to do when in fact, I’ve been through those activities or probably worse and I never asked for their help and they never offered either. They said it’s because I can do it on my own and that she needs more attention. I understand my parents though because she really needs to be helped, but how can she stand on her own if she lives relying on others? I’m not jealous.
Point is, did they think staying up as a sky is easy? When I fell down deep, did they think it was easy to hide it from them because I felt so low and disappointing them would be tragic? Don’t you think you’d be disappointed if the sky would fall down from up above? Storms were results of those fall outs. Storms that evaded the people I love because I want to be a sky that gives them hope and happiness; and when they found out about it, it was when I was able to bring myself up in the sky once again.
Or how about when people highly regard my physical attributes, without wondering how many times I have been harassed –physically, emotionally and verbally. Did they see the sky falling down because of those? If they did, it was probably the sole fact that a sky so infinite could be on edge - could be tired and be so full of it that despite the desire of sheltering people with brightness and peace, it could summon the tremendous typhoon they wouldn’t and couldn’t expect. I am desperate of being a sky that people look up to – most especially with hope and positivity. There are different skies I see and I want to believe that I am to some people. I want to be the same blue, calm and bright sky that I am seeing at this moment – Unfaltering and radiant.
Nevertheless, I came to a conclusion that the sky is never better than me. The sky seeing how the Sun chased for the Moon, how Adam met Eve and how two organisms became one, has always been alone – has always been big, wide, and vast but lonely with change being constant in its surrounding environment and nothing permanent by its side. The sky witnesses it all – the unfolding of fate with nothing but space. We see the sky, but it never had any spice. It was just... there.
These people we look up to are people who are there out in the public. They see narratives with different measures of happiness, but it is never a guarantee that these people we look up to are actually and truly happy or have even experienced genuine bliss. We probably don’t see more to it, refuse to see it, or are hidden from it. And as someone who is constantly bewildered at the sky, I’d like to stay on the ground and drown in thoughts as I notice that significant sky subtly becoming trivial to most ordinary people.