All In

As fortune would have it, I have found a full time faculty position. As multitaksing would have it, I am still completing my document. It's much prettier now than it was and it's way closer to a realized document than I had ever even imagined. Now, I'm not too keen on having my job depend on my defense of dissertation, but it's a loaded gun pointed at my head daily. As I try to acclimate to my new environs and be the best Assistant Professor I can be, I find that my time and energy spent working while ABD could be better channeled into polishing my thesis. I'm not worried about Imposter Syndrome. [It's a very real thing: http://www.xonecole.com/black-women-ph-d-students-get-real-about-impostor-syndrome/?rebelltitem=4#rebelltitem4]

My history of research and teaching help me rest easy about my place in the academy. However, I do worry that my lack of sleep will catch up with me and that I'm less available to students than I'd like to be while I am still pushing to reach writing and editing goals. And I wonder how can I do it all while keeping a close watch on an ill parent.

There's a bright side to my trilemma, though. I get a paycheck that reminds me that I can and must do it all.