THE MAN WHO ABANDONED ME

How are you? I think it has been 4-5 years ago since you left me behind. We’ve met in highschool, I’m 3rd year and you’re 4th year during that time. You asked for my phone number then we became textmates. We send messages almost every second of the day. Simple goodmornings and goodnights from you are enough to make me smile. Having late night conversations with nothing sensible to talk about yet we are laughing. Calling out of the blue just to hear each other’s voices.

We became officially in a relationship. We go to school together and during our breaktime you wait for me so that we can eat together in the canteen. After classes, we leave the school together. It was the peak and happiest days of our relationship as if nothing can go wrong. In our anniversary you gave me a ring, it was a couple ring. You even said that it symbolized your endless love for me, that you will never leave me.

You graduated in highschool while I’m entering 4th year by then. For few months nothing change. We are still the sweet couples who are so inlove to each other. I thought it wouldn’t last but I was wrong. You became short-tempered and you get mad easily even for small things. We always have fights. My smiles turn into tears whenever you’re being inconsiderate. You are the reason why I’m happy but you’re also the reason of my sadness.

Your goodmornings and goodnights lessen. You didn’t want to talk to me when you are angry. I swallow my pride, it’s always me who apologized first. It doesn’t matter to me who’s wrong or right as long as we became okay again. But your pride is too high, my sorry doesn’t mean anything to you. I thought in the next morning you’re not mad anymore but you are still. I love you and the idea of loosing you breaks me so I still choose stay.

The man whom I thought was mine only learn to have an eye with another woman. Why? Am I not enough? Am I too ugly for you? What I have done wrong? I cried a lot but I don’t have the courage to loose you. I choose to stay and forget all about it hoping that you will never do it again. You even promised that you will never disappoint me and I believed in your words. But everytime it’s like you’re having an amnesia to make you forget about your promises. Why is it that you have to search for another gilr? You have me but why you always have to look for number 2?

I love you. You’re the only man that I always saw during that time. You’re the only man that I want. This cycle continue as we reach our 4th anniversary. I thought we will be forever until one day you broke-up with me. After 4 years of being together, you are now breaking up with me. I refused to give it to you but you don’t care. You said that you are not happy anymore. I beg you to stay but you keep on pushing me away. Despite of all of these, I never give-up to win you back.

For the span of less than a week, you told me to stop running after you because you now have a new girl. Like seriously? We are 4 years and for just a week here you are telling me that you have your new sweetheart. I thought that you are just making stories for me not to bother you anymore but when I checked your facebook, truth slaps me. You changed you profile picture, it was me before but now it’s your new girl. I came to my senses of enough of my stupidity. I am tired of all those heartbreaks. I asked you one last favor, to block me in your facebook because I can’t do it. Im still inlove with you after all so I don’t have the strength to block you and you agreed. I want you to block me so that I can no longer hear and see anything from you.

As always, you didn’t keep your promise, you didn’t block me. What you did is you post more sweet pictures of you with that girl. Are you happy torturing me emotionally? We don’t have internet connection in our home that time so I have to rent in a computer shop. Being stupid again, I always visit your facebook only to see both of you being so sweet and happy, only too see that girl that was supposed to be me. I am literally crying inside that computer shop with many customers around. I’m ashamed of myself whenever I remember that scenarios in my life.

Thanks to my friend Jessica that she blocked you in my facebook ‘cause my hands can’t still do it. Yes, after what you have done to me I am still crazy inlove with you. You are still texting me saying things like you still care for me and that I should eat on time because I might get sick. Why are you like that? Don’t you know how much tons of tears that I have cried because of loving you?

I changed my phone number. You were blocked on my facebook. My love for you became hatred. Hatred for leaving me because of that girl. I start moving on and I did. As I moved on, all of my hatred for you vanished not because I still love you but I learn to forgive you in my heart. The wound that you left in my soul finally healed. The bleeding in my heart finally stopped.

After 2 years without you, you came back. You said that I changed a lot. That I’m no longer skinny and very thin like I used to be. Maybe that’s one of the reason why you left me, because of how the way I look before. You also said that you are sorry and want to be friends with me. I refused it not because I still have the feelings for you or I’m still hating you. I didn’t accept the friendship that you offered ‘cause I don’t want to hurt the man whom I love now. I don’t want him to give any reason to be jealous of. He catch me when you left me fall alone.

Now I understand why the two us didn’t last. We are not really meant to be. You are not meant for me as I am not meant for you. We are not the ying and yang who are destined to each other. Thank you for breaking up with me. Thank you for hurting me. Thank you for making me cry. It made me more matured and grow further. Those tears taught me to be strong. Those sadness taught me to smile again. Those heartbreaks taught me to love and trust again.

To the man who abandoned me, I wish you all the good things in life for I am truly happy and satisfied with what I have now. I also apologized for hating you before and for being not the best girl when we were still together. I do hope that you will love your girl sincerely and don’t make her sad. No more searching for number 2 ‘cause it will surely hurt her heart. May you live happily and healthy. Godbless and goodbye.