The most peaceful moment I have ever experienced

Have you ever experienced a moment of pure peace? That you knew, despite how messy and complicated and painful life can be, everything would ultimately work out for good? A moment you can rest in. A moment that renews. A moment that sets you on a new course.

I believe seeking peace is a discipline, something we must actively work towards. I believe that peace is attainable - and not just a global vision of "world peace" or "peace and harmony between all humankind." Of course, these are noble pursuits - people spend the entirety of their lives working to bring some small measure of this for others! But I also believe in a personal peace, that even if all the world is upended in chaos you know where you stand. You are at peace with yourself.

I have moments of this kind of peace from time time, but the story I'm about to share with you was one of the most significant for me.

The back story

I won't get into the full details here, as I just spent my last three posts describing the events leading up to this moment - one of the most exciting and dangerous adventures of my life. (You'll have to go to my blog feed to read them. Do it though! The story is worth it!)

To summarize, I was on an overnight sailing trip with 5 other friends. We had left the Santa Barbara harbor and sailed out to the Channel Islands, about 30 miles off the coast.

We had anchored at Painted Cave, one of the largest sea caves in the world. We took an inflatable raft and explored the interior - and got ourselves into all kinds of trouble. Giant waves smashing against the back wall, complete and utter darkness, angry bellowing sea lions, dangerous rapids, and a capsized boat. So many things could have gone wrong, but somehow they didn't, and we all made it back to the sailboat safely.

Again, you'll have to go back to my previous posts to read the whole story.

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Evening on the water

After our brush with death that afternoon, my friends and I were in high spirits. We had eaten together on the boat and spent hours talking, laughing, and telling stories late into the night. The experience we had shared brought us together even more.

At last it was time for bed. While the rest of my friends retreated into the bunks inside the ship, I decided I was going to sleep on deck. Now, with most boats, this wouldn't be a problem. But on a sailboat, and with the way the waves were rocking, there was the risk of rolling overboard while I slept. An easy solution for this - just tie me down! I slid into my sleeping bag, and my friends pulled some rope back and forth across my body to keep me anchored in place.

Tied in snugly, I said goodnight to my friends as they made their way below deck. The deck lights were turned off, and I was left to myself.

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A grand universe

As I quietly lay in my sleeping bag, I began to notice the subtle things of the world that surrounded me. The ebb and flow of the tide gently rocked the boat back and forth. I closed my eyes and imagined myself as a small baby in its mother's arms, wrapped in her embrace, being rocked to sleep. A tussle of wind played with my hair like the light caress of a hand. Waves lapped against the side of the boat, little splashes of soothing sound, and the boat creaked in response as it tipped with each swell.

And then my eyes adjusted to the darkness of night. I looked up and was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stars in the sky. With no light pollution this far away from the mainland, there was nothing to obstruct my view of distant stars in our galaxy. The number of stars just emphasized my smallness. Here I was, one small and finite being in a grand universe that spans light years upon light years. While for some this might bring a deep existential anxiety, in that moment for me it brought peace.

In my own personal beliefs, I am a Christian, a faithful follower of Jesus. The context of this moment for me was an experience of being cared for. With so much happening in our universe, more than any mind can comprehend, here I was afloat on a tiny piece of the Pacific (literally, Peaceful!) Ocean, knowing that the God of the Universe knew me and loved me.

Even if you don't share my beliefs, it is hard to experience a moment like that and not feel connectedness. That there is something that we all share and participate in together, no matter how far apart we are from each other, we are connected. The same star-lit sky that I gaze at with awe and wonder is also seen by millions of others across the hemisphere. The same waves of water that rock me to sleep are a part of a vast network of oceans, with waters that touch every continent. The same cool air that I breathe into my lungs is shared by every living being within our atmosphere. We are connected, you and I.

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We need reminders

As I lay on the boat taking all this in, I heard a splash and a snort in the water below me. Turning my head, I watched as a sea lion played in the waves by our boat. It was diving and rolling in the waves, enjoying being alive. And with every splash, a blue glow lit up the surrounding water. This was something I had never seen before: bioluminescent plankton!

Each movement of water stirred up the tiny particles of plankton (called Noctiluca scintillans) floating on the surface, causing them to light up with a warm blue glow. Each of these individual organisms is so tiny, that thousands can be contained in a single drop of water. With each wave, each splash, I was watching billions of creatures unknowingly working together to create one of the most beautiful images I had ever seen.

I was again reminded of connectedness, the small part we play that is connected to the greater whole. We can be completely ignorant of our part, much like these plankton in the water, yet our ignorance does not diminish our impact. Moments of peace like this usher us into life in its most genuine and real qualities. When we are caught up in the busyness of our days - getting to work, taking care of our families, watching TV, etc. - we forget the part we play, and we forget our connectedness with life and with each other.

We need reminders. We need moments that bring awareness. Sometimes they just happen to us, and we find them unexpectedly. But I also believe that we can create them. Spending time in prayer, meditation, creating art, journaling, fellowshipping with friends - these things enlarge us and help shape us into who we are meant to be. These things are important. These things help us not forget.

I drifted off to sleep that night knowing that I was very, very small - but also essential.

I am a vital part of the universe.

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