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This is an allegory to illustrate what happened to me now over 40 years ago, and what will happen to me.
Imagine a fish that lived very well in a lush pond. Everything was provided and plentiful. But this fish was not happy inside. An unknown reason or yearning encased the entire being of this particular fish.
The fish, in its misery, sunk to the bottom of the pond in despondency but it was there, at the bottom, this incredibly lucky fish found a buried treasure. A treasure, seemingly, from another world.
This treasure chest also contained a very worn and ragged map. Almost impossible to follow.
But this particular fish believed in the map and worked hard to understand it.
The young fish processed what it learned and unencumbered by tradition this very particular fish began swimming, with all it's might toward the surface of the pond.
This, still young, fish started swimming from the very bottom of the pond, and because of that distance; the distance between the bottom and the surface, and because it was young and strong, it was able to develop great speed and it quickly not only broke the surface of the pond but flew high into the air above.
While in the air everything happened so fast yet at the same time it felt as if time not only stood still but found a new dimension, a whole new direction, into infinity of a new concept of direction.
While traveling in the rarefied air the fish looked around. It saw familiar things but from a whole new perspective. Not only could this fish see the water below, it saw its entire life and a clarity of others as they are. Yet in a different perspective.
The fish then hit the solid surface of the beach as it landed.
A moment in evolution. Of things to come.
But not for this particular fish at this particular time.
The fish, out of its natural habitat of water is** almost immediately filled with fear.**
I'm going out of my mind, an echo outside yet the last straw of an inner estranged narration. The last tendon of the deepest fear that this particular fish could associate.
And it did. It could not overcome it's fear. Not this time. Not this time in evolution. Not this time.
It flopped-back into the water, its natural habitat. And the oxygen it felt that had over-saturated its gills from the out-of-water experience brought the fish to the surface where it just lay there motionless upon the surface. Lay there for many minuets.
It just lay there as the new found and unexpected burst of oxygen left it's swollen gills.
Eventually it snapped-to and began swimming around just like all the other fishes.
In a strange way it wanted to forget what just happened.
Then it wanted to remember.
Then it couldn't.
Then it was too old, to weak to once again break the surface of the water.
It tried to pump the refined oxygen into its gills once more.
Stuck its mouth onto the surface of the water, over and over and over again. But the fish's gills were always immersed into the thick denser mass of surrounding water.
And the fish became damaged from the heat of the sun's rays nearer the surface of the water.
Damage that could not be undone.
It died. And sank to the bottom of the pond. Where it's body transformed into the nothingness that we all live within.
Never knowing why.
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