I have been walking the path towards authenticity for quite some time now. It's been a goal of mine to eradicate the voices that try to control me. The parts inside that police my behaviour, that filter my speech, and that keep me locked inside my own mind.
I've been out-grouping these voices, rejecting them from my psyche and It feels like there is a war going on. I am rebel alliance protecting the good from unbearable tyranny.
Recently I have been hearing a voice that shows unusual amount of sympathy to this tyrant. It's as if he is telling me that there is a love that is binding us, "by hurting him you are only serving to hurt yourself". But how can this possibly be! I am the one who is saving myself disaster. If I don't kill him who knows what will happen to me!
I find it tormenting to think of what could happen if I gave in to the tyrant king. But the thought keeps coming to me, how easy it would be to just surrender. The thought brings images of slowly sinking to the bottom of an ocean, a cool sense of peace being emanating from deep inside of me. This blissful thought draws me closer to my nemesis. Oh how blissful it would be to lay myself at his feet. It makes the inevitable punishment seem almost worth enduring.
Maybe someday soon we will put an end to our fighting.
I can see the benefit he brings to my kingdom. But, my will to be a free man is too strong to be subordinate to such foolish rules.
But perhaps, just for now, I can let his controlling games run their course. Authentic inauthenticity sounds like a good place to rest for a while.
So with that in mind. Please love me, don't ever forget what we've gone through, and always stay just a little bit stupid.