Should A Woman Earn More Than A Man In A Relationship?

Money has a way of creating partitions between people. It creates an invisible barrier and often elevates some people above others. For many, money in a great indication of if one calls the shots or not. After all, it is said “He who pays the piper dictates the tune.”

Money In Relationships

Like many other things, relationships need money. Of course, the amount of money needed varies from culture to culture, but every relationship involves some spending of money. From making phone calls, to buying gifts, to romantic dinners and what nots.. money is involved.

Money becomes pronounced when one of the partners significantly earn and/or spends more than the other. At first, it might go unnoticed but with time, it becomes pronounced as the partners will begin to make changes to adjust to the situation. For most cultures, the make partner is expected to earn and spend significantly more than the female. But what happens when the female earns and/or spends more?

Changing The Status Quo

I recently got into a conversation with a friend. Amongst other things, we talked about relationships. He mentioned that he had an issue with being in a relationship where the girlfriend spends more money on him than he did on her. That was interesting to me so I prodded further.

From the discussion, it was obvious he wanted to be in charge, he wanted to maintain the status quo. For him, in every relationship, the man had to be earn more and spend more. When asked about women who earn a lot, he replied that such women should seek out men who earn more than them.

My friend is not alone in that school of thought. There are many people (male and female) who believe that the man should earn and spend more. Why? For them, the man has to be in charge. And for him to be in charge, he has to be the one providing the funds.

An Open Ended Discussion

Personally, I see no reason why a man always has to earn more than his partner. I do not endorse laziness or mediocrity. However, there are times when the female partner can simply get lucky or has more connections or is more career driven. All of these can offset the balance and put the woman as the highest earner.

For me, there are underlying issues that need to be addressed before the question that serves as the title can be fully addressed.

#1. What Makes A Man
I remember I read a book by Steven Harvey. Titled Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady. There, he said a man does three things in a relationship, especially when he really loves and values his partner. For him, these things are essential for a man to always feel like a man:

• Provide: It is the man’s job to provide for the lady. He advises against women trying to split the bills or even trying to handle it all on her own.
• Profess: It is the man’s job to declare his love and intention before the woman reciprocates. The woman can give him signals but the man has to speak first
• Protect: It’s the man’s job to make sure the woman gets the respect and protection she deserves.

Personally, I don’t agree with all of that. i believe it kind of sets the woman lower than the man; makes her totally dependent on the man for her existence and happiness.

I believe that every relationship is unique. Some ladies are comfortable with having a man meet all of their needs while others do not. Furthermore, I believe a man’s ego should be based on his productivity and sense of accountability. As long as a man maximises his potentials and lives accountably, he can take pride in that. He doesn’t need a woman to grovel at his feet for her every need before he can call himself a man.

Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

2. Does Money Breed Respect?

Behind the argument of whether the woman should earn more than the man is the need for respect. It is believed that if the woman provides more of the funds, she would have a hard time respecting the man.

The first flaw in that line of thought is the assumption that money breeds respect. Maybe money breeds respect, but it would be a fake kind of respect. Genuine respect comes from an understanding and appreciation of who a person is. The kind of respect money brings is false and temporary.

Secondly, it is a vote of no confidence in the lady. It indirectly implies that the lady is in the relationship for the money. Of course, money plays a vital role in sustaining any relationship but it isn’t everything. There are other things that sustains a relationship: communication, mutual support, trust, sacrifice amongst others.

At this point, I realise there are divergent views on this topic

What do you think?

[Image source 1: Public Domain Pictures]

[Image source 2: Wikimedia Commons]