Honesty

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Radical Honesty

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There were many topics covered when @clayboyn and I spoke on his Coffee and Philosophy Show on MSP Waves earlier this week, but one which I wanted to delve further into, but we ran a little short on time, was Radical Honesty.

Radical Honesty is in interactive method which was developed by Dr. Brad Blanton. Radical Honesty is a technique and self-improvement program which indicates that lying is the primary source of modern human stress. The solution to this stress is to speak bluntly and directly on all subjects, including those which may be considered taboo, awkward, painful, Etc. it is suggested that this form of interaction creates increases happiness by creating an intimacy not possible while not being congruent with the self. However, utilizing the techniques of stating feelings bluntly and directly can typically be considered being rude or impolite.

When delving into Radical Honesty we find labels such as pseudoscience and pseudospirituality attached and while there are areas which weave their way between the two, there is some considerable understanding which can be gained by observing its writings, concepts, practice and application in the real world.

“Fake Façades” and “Mask Wearing” are fundamental understandings of Radical Honesty. The person we present in varying relationships within our lives can sometimes not be in line with our autonomous sleves. This can be for varying reasons such as being in a professional environment, not wanting to hurt others feelings, social norms, etc. These pressures force us to conform and wear these “personas” which can be detrimental to our concept of self and create an unhappiness within.

Wearing Masks

Radical Honesty asks us to practice the ability to differentiate between our own subjective thoughts and the objective reality and be honest and brave enough to confront the inconsistencies between the two so as to bring them closer to alignment. Through these efforts of being as honest as possible we foster better connections with people and create a relationship which is based on the closest representation of the true self as possible.

There are some good fundamental ideas which make themselves known when observing Radical Honesty, and the basis of what is being defined an awareness of the subjective self which we then attempt to apply to our objective environment to achieve a desired result. Reducing the cognitive dissonance, improving congruence, reducing stress and creating more positive intimate relationships, simple right?

This is where the concept of Radical Honesty, like many other concepts, meets its match… when we add the human condition. Radical Honesty is a tool which can be used to construct and create or can be wielded as a weapon to hurt and destroy, It really just comes down to how the person uses the tool.

The Human Condition

Lets look at an example, one of the many quotes when observing the debate of Radical Honesty. “You can tell grandma you don’t like her cookies, its just hurtful”. But is it? Well that would depend on what and how we choose to interact with the situation. We will present a dual discourse for one scenario.

Scenario:
As a kid we liked raisin cookies, they were our favorite. Every time we visit grandma she cooks them. But now we are older and we don’t like raisin cookies anymore. However, grandma still makes them for us every time we see her.

Interaction one:
“Grandma!!! I hate these cookies!!! Why do you keep making them?!?!? They are so dry and crumbly!!! They are crap, I wouldn’t even feed them to birds!!! Im just gonna throw them out when I get home anyway!!! STOP IT”

Interaction two:
“Hey Grandma, I just wanted to talk to you about the raisin cookies you make every time we see each other, I used to love them as a kid but I stopped liking them as I have grown older. I really appreciate the effort you make to bake them, but it’s just not something I eat anymore.”

Grandmas Raisin cookies

There is a clear distinction between the two examples given and this is by design to highlight that there are various means of communicating the same message, that it is up to us as to how we deliver that message. And here in lies the problem… the subjectivity of the matter.

There are many who see the concept of Radical Honesty as a license to be deliberately mean, aggressive and dominant in their interactions with other people and then fall back to the safety of the title of using the sciences of Radical Honesty as their escape vessel from the responsibility of one’s own behaviors.

The purpose of Radical Honesty is to achieve a greater sense of authenticity and congruence of the self, to great greater bonds with those we interact with via honesty, to be more autonomous and reduce stress by not having to keep up appearances or tell “white lies” (or bigger ones) to get by in our day to day lives.

In our first interaction for the example scenario we would crush grandma with our words, we are being cruel, insulting and heartless in our expression of our dislike for the cookies. This would most likely result in adverse effects from the interaction between us. In our second interaction scenario we express our thoughts explain ourselves honestly and openly, while the information may not be pleasant we have done our best to respect the other person we are speaking to. This second interaction has a higher likelihood to succeed in achieving the desired results than the first interaction.

Tools

As previously stated Radical Honesty is simply a tool, and it really depends on how we choose to use it in our lives as to how it will impact our relationships. If we choose to embrace the elements which can help us grow and bond with our environment and those around us while still having consideration for others as human beings then it can have some positive effects on our relationships. However, if we choose to wield Radical Honesty as a weapon against those around us and the environment, if we use it as a crutch or platform to be hurtful and spiteful, then we are only causing more damage to those relationships we seek to improve.

Ultimately how we apply these principals is completely up to us, to some level we choose and create what we interact with and how. To be honest there are many more principals to Radical Honesty than what is described within this text. However , this is where much of the conflict and lack of understanding of those principals and their application begins. This is merely the tip of the iceberg when researching Radical Honesty and it is highly recommended to take a complete look at the theory and how it can apply to the individual personally before attempting to apply it in ones own life. Below is a interview with Dr. Brad Blanton and Taber Shadburne as they discuss some of the concepts of Radical Honesty.

Radical Honesty