Goodbye forever and until next time

A friend of mine once said to me that I should never say goodbye to her as it implies we will not meet again. Tonight, I had to say goodbye to my sister. Again. But, remembering what my friend had said many years earlier, I said see you soon instead.

I do not actually know of course when I will see her again, nor if I will ever since no one can know the future. It is all a prediction, an assumption of likelihoods that not much will change or get in the way of expectations.

My wife cried when she hugged my sister, they have met twice now, and only spent a couple days together in total, but they get along well. For my wife, there is also the thing that my sister is a connection to understanding me too, a view of the past I cannot give her, a view of my family from a different perspective.

My wife has asked a lot of questions from her about many things and my sister has forwarded much, much more. Does this give my wife a better understanding of me or is she worried about what I or our daughter may become? We all went for a walk today and my sister looked at our little girl and said, 'Yeah, she does have mum's eyes'.

We rarely know when the last time we will see someone is going to be, life is fickle like that. Of course, no one wants to face this reality either, especially when it comes to people we love. I knew the day I left Australia it would be the last time I would see my mother, she knew too, we said goodbye.

Even when quite young I have spent time thinking about losing people I care about. Some people find this quite morbid yet for me, I have found that it makes me more aware and grateful for when I am with them. More present. I do not expect the worst to happen, but I also know that I have very little control over these things.

I think this is also noticeable in the way I interact with people, if each conversation could be the last, why would I waste my words or not pay attention to theirs? No, I do not spend every moment thinking in the negative, I do not need to as once there is an underlying value, my actions come into line with it and I am more present over all.

It is hard at times living away from family and it is brilliant that I get to see any of them at all face to face. Yes, technology has come a long way and we can chat and see each other in video but, they do not replace a hug, or sharing a glass of wine over dinner.

For my sister, there is also the connection she got to make with my daughter, the moment she flicked her hair and saw her actions copied, even though my daughter has very little hair herself. It was in that moment that she realised she had in the smallest way influenced this little girls life. It may have also been in this moment that she realised how little influence and connection she may have in the future, due to the distance between them both.

The little effects we have on each others lives can be quite profound when investigated, the tiny actions that influence and nudge each other in a whole range of mostly unseen ways. Many of us question why we do what we do, or if what we do has actual value. I see that everything we do can add or subtract from our world and all of our experiences are tied to all of the actions of others too. In many ways, regardless of distance, background or worldview, we are all in this together.

I am grateful for the opportunity to see my sister even if only for 48 hours and look forward to the next time we will meet again, whenever and wherever that may be. Goodbye forever and until next time.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]