The very last photo I took of my dog Gabrielle!

I have never shared this image before..... and even though it is just about 2 years ago when it was taken, it breaks my heart to look at it again. Gabrielle ( cross ridge-back/German shepherd ) was her name and she was a VERY loyal, kind and amazing dog to have had in my lifetime. She was part of 3 dogs I had rared at the same time over 17 years from puppy-hood.

After going downhill for weeks, She took yet another bad turn the night before and simply could not get up at all anymore and being in the care of the vet for many old dog aliments she had developed, the decision was taken between the vet and myself for her to to come to the house that morning 10am and to give her some peace from the pain and indignity of the situation she was in. This is one of the hardest decisions to make for any dog owner with a old sick dog. You want to hang onto them forever, pushing on the inevitable hoping that they might pass peacefully in their sleep and you will not have to do it.

I was in denial for weeks before this and because she was eating and drinking, I kept fooling myself she was going to be around for a lot longer.

There is absolutely nothing worse than looking into her 17 year old tired eyes and seeing her for what she was and not what she had become. She was so loyal to me over the years, I wanted her to hang on forever. She tried so hard for me BUT her body gave out and she simply could not move anymore.

I made a bed for her in the living room and sat up with her all night, talking to her, comforting her . If I moved out of the room, she would bark and bark for me to come back.. but not like her deep booming barks, these were quite almost talkative barks... I think she knew, I think she wanted to say her goodbyes too

I sat on the floor with her from 6am onwards trying to block out the 'tick-tock tick-tock' of the Clock on the wall as it counted down to 10am. I wanted to scream out loud with the hurt and pain of loosing my dear friend...but held it together because Gabrielle would have become upset that her master was crying. She would have tried to comfort me like she always did.

finally I heard the vet arriving in the driveway, I insistently put my mobile on the floor in front of the two of us and took the very last photo of us together....... I don't know why I did it, I sometimes think it was part of my grieving to capture that last moment of us together. Sometimes I feel guilty I did it and sometimes I feel glad I did it... and a whole range of emotions in-between. We do strange things in the middle of grieving. You can see she is struggling to come to me, she is trying very hard to give me one last doggie lick on the ear, which she managed to do after that.

It was all too quick

As the vet prepared her, I lay down beside her on the floor and held her once again with my arms around her chest,and as they were injecting her, I whispered in her ear, " goodbye Gabrielle, go play with Beare ( my other dog that passed about a year before ) and Lucy ( her sister that passed 8 months before ).... your out of pain now" and with one small sigh, she was gone.

Goodbye Gabrielle, I still miss you and wish we had another 17 years together.

J

(( ** I had pain meds for her and gave her extra dosage under vets orders to keep her comfortable, so she was not in pain through out her last hours)).