There's a fascinating attraction to the existential abyss. Some philosophers have exploited these territories, some have avoided them. However, it is a dangerous ground especially if you're going through rough times. As I was studying Nietzsche and Camus during my Philosophy degree, I had experienced some pretty bad downfalls. The literature didn't exactly help as it was quite gloomy. But... here we go:

She's trying to see a light through this existential dullness. Life wasn't favorable; on the contrary, it has bestowed on her death and suffering. Could it be God? But how? Has religion done nothing but lied?

Might be.

However, I got myself ridden of this idea. As Nietzsche famously put it: God is dead!

Hell! I'm sure I did.

Now what? What will I build my life on? How will I bear the burdens that Life throws at me if I don't have a solid framework on which I'll function? Am I being continuously thrown around on the basis of existential inertia?

It is absurd! I am absurd... I am The Absurd Hero... ceaselessly smiling in the face of suffering. Sisyphus is a Saint and I, his follower. I'll climb that rock regardless of how many times it'll get thrown back down. It is how I choose, it is my design.

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Reading Suggestions:
Albert Camus, The Absurd Hero: https://stanfordfreedomproject.com/multi-media-essays-on-freedom/the-absurd-hero/
Friedrich Nietzsche: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/nietzsche/