life are so miserable

I wonder why the old days of my life are so miserable. My beloved died 25 years ago. He was the only hope and blessing in my life. After his death everything changed drastically. I am 65 years old now. Without this trunk full of memories, I have nothing left. In my younger life I survived with my husband to raise my children. I have three daughters and a son. For a son we needed to take three daughters first. Like everyone, we also thought our son will be the protector in our old days. You know, daughters go to their husband’s house after getting married. My son threw me out from my home after his marriage. Now all my expectations are gone about my children that I had raised with much love and sacrifice.

I came here like a floating piece of wood in the river, that has nowhere to go. No one knows where I am now. I don’t want to be anyone’s burden. For the last 20 years I have been working here only to stay alive. Without working who will give you food? No one does. I work here the whole day after the rising of the sun till the evening when the sun goes down. My work is drying rice here. After drying 24,000 kilograms of paddy with my fellow workers in 5-6 days we each get 80 taka. Life is very harsh here as is the afternoon sun but we get used to it day after day. But it’s really far better than being humiliated by your loved one to work here for a living.

Here in this rice mill 50 families are living along with me. Everyone loves and cares about me because they all know that I am alone. In the day time, the hours pass well working and talking with everyone but when night arrives I feel lonely. It’s getting tough to sleep nowadays. The dark makes me sad. Even though I always try to look happy. Because no one wants to see a sad person; no one wants to hear sad stories. A happy person is what people want and care about. I don’t know what will happen after my death but I don’t want to return to my home again_ Moina Begum 65