Star Wars A New Hope in Verse.

STAR WARS ‘A NEW HOPE’ IN VERSE

A long time ago,

In a region of space,

A rebel cruiser tried to out-pace,

A star destroyer of mighty size,

A hopeless task, they soon realised.

All the guards waited for the attack,

By the ones ruled by the menace in black,

Stormtroopers shot lasers in lethal fury

And in came Vader, the judge and jury.

A woman crouched over a tiny robot,

She shot one ‘trooper then she was shot,

The droids escaped without being seen,

And took an escape pod to Tatooine.

Now, 3P0 fancied the way that was sandy,

But R2, he thought rock more handy,

And so they went their separate ways.

3P0 walked under twin-sun rays.

“R2 made sure I’m in it thick,

I went this way because of his trick,

If I see him again he will go to his grave.

What’s that? A transport! I am saved!”.

R2 trundled at the foot of a cliff,

And then, with a beep, he stood quite stiff,

And stepped a robed jawa,

Who shot R2 until he fell to the floor.

And so the two droids were a pair once more,

They all stood in line on the sandy floor,

And they got a job on moisture evaporators

(Though first choice had bad motivators.)

As 3P0 sank in an oily bath,

Their owner, Luke Skywalker said,

“R2 has something in here that’s jammed”,

Behold! He found a hologram.

“Help me, Obi!” The message repeated,

But the glimpse he got was merely fleeted,

At that moment the playback stopped,

3P0 banged R2 on his top,

“You can trust him, he’s our new master,

You’d better, or we’re put out to pasture”.

Alas his reasoning did no good.

Luke chewed thoughtfully through his food.

“Those droids are fine, that’s plain to see,

So I can attend the academy”.

Alas his uncle told him ‘no’,

So Luke trudged off, feeling very low.

He found 3P0 hiding behind some gear,

“R2 has gone away from here!”

And so they sped across the plains,

To try and get him back again.

When he was found, they heard some beast,

“Creatures approaching from the South-east!”,

Sand people attacked with much alarm,

3P0 fell and broke his arm.

R2 hid with courage sunk,

Along came a man who was dressed like a monk,

The Sand people saw him and they disappeared,

Down came his hood. He had a white beard.

He said to R2, “don’t be afraid”,

Skywalker spoke from where he lay,

“Are you Obi-wan? For if that is true,

These two droids belong to you”.

Back at his cave, Ben told the young lad,

How a Jedi named Vader murdered his dad,

Then he gave Luke a family heirloom,

A lightsaber that glowed blue and lit up the room.

Ben asked him to rescue the prisoner princess,

“She needs you to take her from all this distress”.

But Luke said ‘My uncle won’t take that too nicely,

But I can take you as far as Mos Isely”.

The Death Star floated through endless space,

Darth and his minions quickened their pace,

To stick things nasty in Leia’s face,

Till she told them where was the rebel’s base.

The Tatooine foursome found grim surprise,

Jawas lay slaughtered before their eyes,

“They trace the robots wherever they roam,

This trail can only lead back home!”.

Skywalker sped back home too late,

Aunt and uncle had met their fate,

So he followed Ben on his rescue course,

To become a Jedi and learn the Force.

“Down there’s Mos Isely, a dangerous port,

Full of villainy, scum, and all that sort”.

They entered the port to find a ride,

Luke had trouble once inside,

Ben stepped up and slew the foe,

Then introduced Luke to Chewie and Solo.

“We need to give the Empire the slip,

So we hope you have a good, fast ship!”.

“Fast ship”, you say? Have you never heard,

Of Millennium Falcon, the fastest bird?

It will lead Darth Vader a merry dance,

But my fee is ten thousand, all in advance”.

Ben agreed to pay seventeen,

And when they departed an alien green,

Called Greedo told Solo, “Don’t move your butt!

There’s a price on your head from Jabba the Hutt”,

But Solo shot the alien pest,

And apologised for making a mess.

The six of them flew out of the port,

“Star destroyers, you’re hotter than I thought!”

Solo dodged them with skilful flight,

Then flew away at the speed of light.

The Death Star orbited Alderaan,

Tarkin revealed his dreaded plan,

“Tell me, Princess, where is the base,

Or I’ll blow up your planet and make some space”.

So she told Tarkin where it was,

But alas it did no good because,

He proved the error of her trust,

By blowing Alderaan to dust.

Luke fought a duel with a tiny remote,

His defeat gave Han the chance to gloat,

“Hokey religions, although well applied,

Are no match for a blaster by your side”.

The computer beeped to say they were there,

Ben asked Luke how he had fared,

Then, where Alderaan should be was revealed,

In its place, an asteroid field.

“Here’s Alderaan, the computer says,

I guess it must have been blown away”.

Just then a TIE-fighter flew right past,

Solo exclaimed ‘hey, not so fast,

We’ll catch up and destroy him soon,

I think he’s heading for that small moon”.

Ben let out this exclamation,

“That’s no moon, it’s a space station”.

The death star had the rescue team,

Caught in the grip of its tractor beam,

The TIE fighter drew them into a trap,

Now they lay in the Empire’s lap.

Luke and the gang got out of the mess,

By hitting Stormtroopers and stealing their dress.

Using a computer terminal,

R2 found the location of Leia’s cell,

Ben searched for the tractor beam on his own,

“You boys can’t help, I must go alone”.

The lads walked into the prison bay,

Chewbacca pretending to be captured prey,

When they were asked where they were taking his thing,

The two boys shot up everything.

Luke rescued the princess, got caught in a trap,

And jumped down a Shute into garbage and crap.

Under the water, a monster did lurk,

It dragged Luke under with tentacled jerk,

He appeared, and the monster had gone, they supposed,

And then the walls began to close.

“3P0, 3P0, where could he be?”

“We’ll be a lot thinner!”, said Han, miserably.

The walls were stopped in time by the droids.

Ben stood on a tower that grew from the void,

The tractor beam was put out of commission,

So they could escape and continue the mission.

Darth Vader and Tarkin both stood in a room,

“Obi-Wan is with us, I will bring him his doom”.

Luke and Leia ran into a gap,

Stormtroopers shot them, they were caught in a trap,

In the fight much lasers were fired,

And they passed the gap, Tarzan-like on a wire.

The ‘Falcon was guarded, security tight,

Then Ben and Vader were seen in a fight

This caused a distraction, a means of escape,

But Ben disappeared, leaving nothing but cape.

Han gave himself a pat on the back,

But Leia told him, ‘the ship’s being tracked.

Let’s hope plans in R2 are still there, intact”.

The Death Star followed the Falcon through space,

Intent on destroying the Rebel’s base.

X-wing pilots were told of the fight,

Down a long trench they would have to take flight,

Find an exhaust port, two metres wide,

And if the weapons had been well applied,

The Death Star should hopefully detonate.

“Impossible!”, cried Skywalker’s mate.

Skywalker corrected that,

“I used to bullseye two-metre wamp rats”.

“Man your ships, you fighting crew,

The battle is nigh, may the Force be with you!”.

Han wouldn’t fight the evil dark lord,

He saw no point as he had his reward,

“Attacking the station’s no concept of pride,

Attacking that station is suicide”.

The X-wings and Y-wings went off on their mission,

X-wings set to attack position,

Their small size gave defences the slip,

TIE fighters were sent to fight ship to ship

X-wings were shot, by evil Darth Vader,

Who tried to thwart the rebel invaders,

And then at last the port was spied,

The missile was fired, “it’s away!” came the cry.

“Was that a hit? Is the empire dead?”

“It just hit the surface”, the pilot said.

Tarkin was told that a danger was nigh,

Would he like a ship standing by?

Be he would not leave in his moment of glory.

Now we return to the space battle story.

Luke sped down the trench, and Darth shot R2,

Then the voice of Kenobi, it came through,

“Luke, use the Force, you have to let go”.

Back at the base, they wanted to know,

Why his computer had been put away.

Millennium Falcon saved the day!

Vader had Skywalker lined up in his sights,

But his ship was shot and spun into the night.

The way was cleared, the missiles released,

The planet was cleared and Tarkin was pleased,

He gave the order to fire away,

The Death Star blew up, Luke saved the day!

Back at the base, R2 got repaired,

Medals awarded with pomp and fanfare,

To Skywalker, Chewie, and Solo’s attack,

They were safe…..

Until the Empire strikes back.