All Men

One day I want a husband.
Someone responsible for me.
Somebody who's determined to make a liar out of me. Someone hold me strong, to tell me all men arent bad. Someone who can fill the empty void of my long lost, absent dad. I want my daughter to feel protected, and my son to look up to, a man who'd never hurt his mom. The way her father do. One day I want a husband, a father to my child. A provider and protector, a man who makes me smile. I would love to feel wanted by the man of my life. Spoken for, and confronted, and takes a stand for what's right.
I dreamt of it for so long, I searched for it in men. God knows how hard I cried and tried to bring you back again. But I've never known that kind of love. I never found it true, because although you're alive and well, you killed what could have grew. You made me feel incompetent, you made me feel so bad, you made me feel unworthy to say that you're my Dad. The worst of this is that you know how badly that I felt. How angry that I was with God to have the hand I'm dealt. I contemplated suicide, & I felt the force of fear.
I felt unsafe around all men because you weren't here. I held myself accountable for all the things you done. And wondered if it would be different if I had been your son. That kind of hurt had engineered a heavy heart of pain, The kind to never make me trust another man the same.
Until I learned what mattered more than to have you by my side, what mattered more than abuse and shame and parts of me that died. It was never up to me or you to change the way things were.It was divinely orchestrated by My father and his son. I must admit, if I have to choose, I'd choose them over you. Because the man that is for me, will be never be like you. I prayed on this,of trust and love, and honesty and truth. I prayed for God to send a man who's praying for me too. One day I'll have a husband to love me past my pain, someone to finally prove me wrong, that all men aren't the same.