MY Poems #8 🌸 The Moments of Mine!

marufhasan883 (54) · 7 years ago

awesome art.

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pillboxhat (25) · 7 years ago

more here! http://www.juliryansart.com/index.html
featuring yoga pant prints.

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reddutopia (42) · 7 years ago

Nice poem!

One of my favourite rappers lyricist once said:
"The sky is the limit,
Disguise the limit"
Simple but powerful..
Sadly he killed himself in 2012 in semi mysterious conditions.. R. I. P Capital Steez

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3 votes

evanprice (50) · 7 years ago

Bro.. I loved Steez... Him and Joey were the shit together..

I thought he was killed tho? That's what the final outcome had been determined?
Idr.. either way.. it's a loss to the game.. Rap was so much better with lyricists like him in the game..
I consider him one of this generation's artists that was promising and had substance.. This mumble rap shit needs to DIE.. ugh.. lol

R.I.P. for sure Cap..

2 votes

reddutopia (42) · 7 years ago

Hmm.. You should watch the Therapist (Viceland) episode with Joey Badass. It's a bit of a weird one. The internet is full of conspiracies about his death, but Joey thinks he thought he was dreaming when he jumped from the building where they used to Freestyle.

And don't hate on Mumble Rap. It's its own thing and should be judged as such. Like Metal to Rock. We just don't have the good classification yet for the entirety of Rap. Any ways, you can still find some underground guys that rock lyrically. Keep holding on Pro Era tho!

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

oh ! what a pitty :(
thanks

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evanprice (50) · 7 years ago

Great post! A very nice read and a very nice poem!

Always nice to see words of love and encouragement!

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2 votes

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

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camilocv (28) · 7 years ago

Excellent publication, a pleasure in reading and greeting you, follow me to be in constant communication I also hope that my posts can be of great help. success!

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

don't ask any one to fallow you :) it's against the rules!
steem on and... good luck

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fullofhope (61) · 7 years ago

I hope you make more of your art! This is nice

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

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johnakharia (44) · 7 years ago

Brief but very intellectual poem... Good job sharing
You can also view some of my poetry work @johnakharia

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks dear
i’ll try to check it out

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davealemana (45) · 7 years ago

Precise but a lovely poem. I love how you expressed it when it read "respecting you"

angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks :)

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deeviras (52) · 7 years ago

Wow ,I stumbled across your post short sweet and very mesmerizing ,love to be friends with you upvoted followed , be nice if you could pop by my page also xx stay in touch

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks dear

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deeviras (52) · 7 years ago

your most welcome x

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onenecha (49) · 7 years ago

Nice short poem!

Indeed
When you take my heart
My life takes a stand
Respecting you
As with you I stand
This is just pure art
Exactly what we need

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

great !! and thanks for comment

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lemmehodladollar (25) · 7 years ago

this was perfect!

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

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pillboxhat (25) · 7 years ago

well it was brief,
but mad respect for trying
to monetize your writing
in the most time-effective way possible.

-pbh

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago (edited)

i don’t write poem for monetize ! I am a poet and writer ,, and share my original works here with steemians too
actually poems in free-verse haiko and periske are brief and short in this style !

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pillboxhat (25) · 7 years ago

i've become quite biased against short poems due to the overwhelming popularity of a woman named rupi kaur. i apologize for projecting my angst toward that very wealthy and very banal writer upon you. godspeed in honing your craft!

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jocelynlily (52) · 7 years ago (edited)

@angela.ghkh I'm fascinated by your poetry. I am certain that having a second language is a boon to writing in english; it allows you to twist things naturally that a native speaker wouldn't think to do because it is outside convention. So often artists attempt to break the mold because it is different, but it isn't always "good." Some times just breaking something doesn't give it value.

You seem to just do it naturally, likely because you're crafting in your own native language and then translating. Did you know that translating used to be an art, and by doing so you control the words making subtle changes to it by picking from possible meanings? I digress. Again, here is a brief explication I offer with all the affectionate feedback I can muster. Please indulge me.

explicate 13.PNG

Where to begin. I metl to these words, and echo their sentiment. "When you take my heart" resonates with me so hard. Like a discordant note striking a tuning fork, and changing the steel to match the original note. Sometimes that other has such power over us we cannot help but tear out our own heart and hand it over. Or in this case, allow it to be taken. I love how you craft this line. You set a time, an action, and multiple interpretations of "heart." Could be surgery, could be love, could be affection, could be willpower. Ahh.

You used an ellipsis. ( the three dots. ...) Avoid them. They are frustrating to readers, and while you want them to mean, pause, or unspoken, or leading to something else, they irritate. You can achieve the same meaning (I believe) by cutting the "..." and moving the third line into the last part of the second.
"All my moments are standing" Maybe even use a ";" to imply a hard stop, and then the final line, on a line all its own doesn't need the ellipsis, can be, "respecting you." Add a period at the end to really emphasize the finality of your thought.

I could read this poem often. It is so striking.

"When you take my heart
all my moments are standing;
respecting you."

It is as if when the other takes the heart, the moments where the speaker is interacting with that person are forced to stand and respect the other.

I can even read this as not love. Perhaps the "you" stole the heart, the soul inside of pride and confidence, and is demanding standing not by choice, but by force against the speaker's will. Perhaps "respecting you" isn't by choice, but a demand like a fascist regime where you are not allowed to do anything but give "respect" by standing because the speaker's heart was "taken" by force.

Then you can read it like love. The "you" swooped in and took the speaker's heart, and because the speaker's love is so overwhelming, every moment is spent adoring and fixating on the other person, by "respecting you" might mean obsessed with "you."

Thank you again for this wonderful poem. Like I said, it speaks to me, and that, for me defines great poetry. please continue writing.

I will confess, I'm confused by your addendum at the end. What is the double meaning? "Standing?" or " respect?" I wasn't clear which word you were citing a double meaning to.

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bitpost (44) · 7 years ago

I myself as an audience am grateful for such a time and energy you spent to help her improve the writing, as she seems to have a great creative mind...
even I learnt a lot from your comment...Thanks...
and lol...I have this "ellipsis" problem even in my daily chats and writings...I can't avoid it...

btw... I'm not sure if you see this comment or not...But I'll be delighted if you say even a short opinion about my post too, here's the link:
https://steemit.com/poem/@bitpost/my-semi-poem-and-awaiting-for-your-opinion

its seems a bit vague and ambigues while reading , but , I just wrote it and am satisfied by the feeling it gives me... i need expert opinions of someone like you...thanks

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minnowvotes (2) · 7 years ago

You got a 50.84% upvote from @minnowvotes thanks to @angela.ghkh!

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mercurybot (50) · 7 years ago

You got a 22.50% upvote from @mercurybot courtesy of @angela.ghkh!

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allaz (56) · 7 years ago

You got a 42.24% upvote from @allaz courtesy of @angela.ghkh!

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

@originalWorks

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postpromoter (63) · 7 years ago

You got a 21.32% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @angela.ghkh! Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!

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jerrybanfield (74) · 7 years ago

Thank you @angela.ghkh for promoting this post together with https://steemit.com/budget/@jerrybanfield/introducing-steem-budget-proposals

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booster (68) · 7 years ago

This post has received a 19.90 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @angela.ghkh.

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upmewhale (65) · 7 years ago

You got a 84.65% upvote from @upmewhale courtesy of @angela.ghkh!

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underwaterwoman (51) · 7 years ago

Was the artwork featured in this post also yours? Really lovely words.

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

Paint Artist is 🎨🎨#JuliCadyRyan
I pointed and tagged his name in my post

but icon is my work too
by the way thanks dear !

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https://steemit.com/poem/@joebest/love-by-samuel-taylor-coleridge-1772-1834

joebest (42) · 7 years ago

Beautiful!

Pls, upvote my post

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

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masterpiz (48) · 7 years ago

When you take my heart
I'll give my soul.
if it will take another world
I'll take a chance

nice piece.
nice art.

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks

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gagoist (25) · 7 years ago

This art is very interesting.
Pure coloring is impressive.
What does it mean at 3 p.m.?

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

pardon ??
3 p.m???!
where?

by the way thanks for your opinion about poem !

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milca (44) · 7 years ago

simply beautiful...

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angela.ghkh (56) · 7 years ago

thanks daer

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