missed connections

I think one could call it a
missed connection
I mean, I said hi once
mostly
I was bumping into your
flesh and bone expression
far too frequently for it to be anything other than
divine timing
or so my romantically delusional thinking
would have me believing

all of my best relationships
distantly witnessed from the comfort of my
shy shelled interior

I flush remembering
the strategic placement of
my feet
in the areas that bared
repeating
should I find you there
in such a way that
an accidental conversation
could have me
revealing

and I still feel this
quiver
a
pooling of sensation
each time I remember
noticing you
noticing me
that first time
I caught you
and I
pretending not to

the memories I have
I'm still feeling
though
I'm counting years since
sigh

I just knew there'd be this
understanding
a connection

that'd we have been
carefree and dreaming
expressing
is this reality? facetiously asking
as we
pedaled past
cheap pizza and 24 hour convenience
windswept tangles, perspiration
finding sanctuary
where sand and stone meet salt water
hm, years ago

today I'm
remembering you
your heartfelt words and inspired
emoting
ah, dude,
yeah
you are memorable
and
still
leaving me wondering

because

me,
I'm still nothing more
than
too afraid
to be anything other
than
a
missed connection