Grey

in poetry •  7 years ago 

DSCF0400.JPG

GREY

The heights
and depths
of my life
are so great that
none
including myself
are able
to
grasp

Being rich
being poor
being healthy
being sick
being in love
being torn apart
in my life
there exists
no
grey

The extremes
of emotion
is what I feel
unable to balance
the white with the black
I live through moments
of utopia
followed by moments
I wish
I could
forget

The changes
occur
in no conceivable
order
no conceivable
pattern
for no conceivable
reason

I wish for
a balanced life
but I have lived
mine
alone
those few who
have touched me
I seem to find a way
of hurting
they then force themselves
to leave
searching for a balance
that someone else
can give
I am again
left
alone

I am beginning to see
certain aspects
of my character
through the hurt
and loss
but this is
no way
to learn
for there comes a point when
the scars refuse to heal
when learning from mistakes
become habit
and when actions
can no longer
mend
the tear
of
words

I have been told
that my good
is more
than good enough
to marry
but I know
my bad covers it
like a cloud
grey
and full
of rain
eagerly awaiting
the chance to
drown me
in another sea
of self-pity
and
destruction

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© Doghaus
8 January 2018

I own all rights to the text and image in this post.

Honestly,
Doghaus

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Again, its as if you read my emotions. We do tend to self sabotage and I have not been able to figure that out. But alas, we continue to grow and learn. but the good part, is that for those that leave more come and we continue to learn.

True @mylittleblurbs the negative is always ready to pounce whereas the positive is more laid back. The battle continues no matter who comes and goes through our life. Forcing loved ones away is a specialty for the self-saboteur.

you and I both, sometimes I can catch myself and control it, but then sometimes I just fail myself.

As long as we never stop trying I guess @mylittleblurbs

Keep trying and push that little saboteur to the curb. It can be done. Self love first as well. If you don't love yourself you can't fully love someone else.

A constant work in progress @cecicastor, thank you for the encouragement and truth.