It was the night before new years'
And the weather grew mean
It was three in the morning
And I was stranded in queens
The tavern grew empty
The gas lights grew dim
The horse drawn carriages we're all but snowed in
Last call was approaching
And my fortunes looked bleak
I turned to my left
And behold a shriek
She had a pitch fuzzed beard
And weighed 16stone
She gobbled up hot wings
And swallowed the bones
I muffled a scream
And threw up in my mouth
I asked"where do you live"
She said"one block south"
I swallowed my pride and 6 shots of whiskey
And prayed to the gods that she wasn't too frisky
Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack
Need for mighty hooves, the floor board did crack
When she returned she found a fast sleeper
And thus she became, the sexless innkeeper