Ashley Madison, how I love thee
Let me count the ways
You make the news more interesting
On the no-news days
I had no idea
How many people cheat
Instead of breaking up
Admitting their defeat
Hanging on to marriage
And shagging someone else
Using whips and chains
And coming home with welts
Or whatever stuff you’re into
And not getting back at home
I guess it’s hard to tell your wife
You really love Jerome
A secret credit card
To help you hide the bill
While racking up encounters
Trying to get your fill
You didn’t count on hackers
To out you and expose
That you’re a friggin moron
Who can’t keep on his clothes
Why did you stay married?
Was it for the kids?
To protect your reputation
Or your religion that forbids
Adultery and divorce
It looks like you’ll have both
You broke your wedding vows
That you gave under oath
The hacker I’m sure was hired
By the divorce lawyer lobby
Who dreamed of all the cash
If they exposed your hobby
Their phones now won’t stop ringing
From calls from all the spouses
Who suspected all along
They were married to rotten louses
But now they’ve got the proof
You were hooking up with midgets
Or one of 37 million
Other raving idiots
Who thought that on the internet
Their secrets would be kept
You helped them make a list (you moron!)
Of everywhere you slept!