Poem: "Naked Love"

I remember loving him from far away ,
scribbling words in my notebook instead of taking notes,
Far away was three seats back and two rows over during history,
one forward, and four over in math.

I didn't dare mention his name in my journals, didn't abbreviate,
or use just his initial; someone might read my work, and know
immediately how I wanted him to hold me, to laugh at me with those
green eyes, green like the lake on a too sunny day.

I remember being naked in the shower wondering if he would love me
if he saw my nipples, if he saw my crotch; maybe if he saw my ass he would
wrap his arms around my shoulders like it was his varsity jacket.
He'd talk over my hair to his friends, and I'd laugh at whoever we were making fun of.

I remember squirming on the too hard desk chair while I struggled not to stare at his neck.
On average, every 30 seconds he massaged a muscle, usually his neck, sometimes his shoulder.
I don't remember when I realized for the first time that I wouldn't dump my boyfriend if he just asked,
or when I forgot what his phone number was, or if he was playing that night.

first edit