Natural and Human Storms

johnjgeddes (75) in poetry • 7 years ago (edited)

The wind-stepped water
In squalls by the pond—

All day long
One storm, then another

And I take your hands
Like gentle flowers...

That blossom
Into awareness

Photo

poetry writing life poem love

7 years ago by johnjgeddes (75)

$26.24

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!

Sort Order:

Trending

[-]

introvertfl (40) · 7 years ago

Hi, John.

I'm really glad I stumbled upon this poem. This is an excellent example of free verse and concise writing that I think quite a few could learn from.

Wind stepped is an excellent descriptor. This is truly what concrete imagery looks like. The off rhyme between long and pond is interesting. At first, it made me stumble, but the more I read it, the more than I like it.

The one thing I'm not sure of is the use of the storm as a point of action. The contrast between the storm, gentle flower, and blossoming is a bit too much for me. If the poem were to have to contrasting characters, I think it would be more effective.

Well written, well executed.

$0.65

2 votes

[-]

johnjgeddes (75) · 7 years ago

thank you, @introvertfl for a very astute and insightful response. I use a lot of near rhyme to avoid the sing song effect of whole word rhyme

I also agree with your suggestion about contrasting characters - as it was, the poem came out whole and I left it raw - some will find it short - brief as men's love?...but honestly, a thing can be love;ly whatever its dimensions.

Thank you for the solid feedback

$0.00

[-]

introvertfl (40) · 7 years ago

That's a wonderful way to put it. Perhaps you should write a poem on the subject of love's brevity.

$0.00

[-]

katrinalewis (52) · 7 years ago

Nice post! I am not too good at poetry interpretation, so please excuse me if I reading this wrong. It sounds like you're talking about life's ups and downs and then I'm a little thrown by the ending. In the last stanza about awareness, are you talking about how children lose their innocence once they see how evil the world can be? Or is it more of trying to protect children from the evil in the world?

$0.21

2 votes

[-]

johnjgeddes (75) · 7 years ago

what you take from a poem is subjective and personal regardless of what the author intended. But a clue to understanding a poem is to analyze the title - there are two kinds of storms in life - the physical storms outside us and the human storms of emotions. As the two lovers cling to each other sheltering from the thunderstorms, the touch of a hand ignites a storm of passion as the lovers become aware of their intimacy. That's what I intended but what you take from it is personal to you :)

$0.02

1 vote

[-]

katrinalewis (52) · 7 years ago

Thanks for the kind words! I think sometimes I'm just a little too analytical, so I'm always trying to find the answer. But it makes sense that they would have multiple interpretations. I like how you used the imagery of the word in more than one way.