If I don’t come to school today, don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.
I’m in a better place now, where I can just be me. I can look at myself, and say: “Hey, look, I’m free”.
Free of being a burden to my family and to my friends.
Free of not getting bullied by the kids that call me names.
Names that mean nothing at all, but they’re mean words all the same.
If I don’t come to school today, don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.
This is a better place for me, where I can just be free.
No one’s ever cared for me; not my family or my friends.
I’m out of their way now. It’s probably best for all of us.
I’m in a better place; so, if I don’t come to school today, don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.
Who am I kidding? If I don’t come to school today, don’t worry, we’ll see, in a few years no one will remember me.
I wont come back. I couldn’t if I wanted to, even if I cried. I couldn’t come back, no matter how hard I’ve tried.
I’m laying here now, thinking about it all. And suddenly soon, I died.
Background: I wrote this suicide note, er poem, back in 2011 so I was only about 14 at that time. I was also going through the grueling process of moving house, not just across the country in the US, but halfway around the world to Europe (Austria to be exact, and I'm still here)...
This poem speaks to me the most out of all I've writen (so far). I will always be the shy, quiet, wallflower that I am, or seem to be... I hope this poem will help those who are in need or feel like they're invisible to the rest of the world. Please feel free to comment and leave some (positive?) feedback.
Oh dear, this poem is exact my feelings right now.
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I hope this poem helps you in some way. It also helps to write down such feelings, and to look back on them and see whast life is like now. Life will get better, just remember: (this is for everyone reading) It just isn't your turn yet, wait a while and it will come!
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I loved your poem & I sensed that it was real. When you finally have the nerve to open up your beautiful wall flower I hope you become the most glorious bloom that has ever been seen. xx
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Thank you so much for your sweet words, I'm glad you liked my poem.
I've been slowly opening since then, and I enjoy rereading my poems to give me the sense of what I've been through and who I was and compare it to how I am now. Thanks for reading!
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I like the pic you added to your post, it fits very well. I'm glad you're still here, sharing your thoughts and feelings, and I know it will help others who read this!
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Thank you! I figured my posts would get more traffic with a little cartoon image. It didn't take me too long, either(:
Thanks for being supportive, soon I'll upload the beginning to one of my stories on here, if you're interested..
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It is a beautiful poem. An expression of your soul back then. I identify with your feelings. I was also bullied when I was in High School because I was a Latino and not able to speak English at all. Kids would make fun of my language and treated me very badly. Worst of all, it was my own kind treating me like this. I was new in this country, no friends, not being able to speak. It was horrible. Until I decided to stand -up for myself and got into a fight with a kid twice my height. . I was suspended for two weeks but the break was good for me. When I came back to school I decided to hang out with the black kids. I was not hanging out with the Latinos anymore. And I felt accepted by the black kids because I was not a threat to them. At some point of your life you have to stand-up for yourself and face your fears. You see human beings can be the best and the worst in this beautiful world. You just have to learn to face your problems with strength and courage. Your dignity and respect is above everything else. You are a beautiful creature of this Universe who deserves to be treated with dignity and love.
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It takes a lot of courage to stand up for one's self, thank you for sharing your story, you might have given others the strength to do the same!
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Really glad you got through it. Depression (or rather the causes, merely perceived and otherwise) has been a companion of mine for a while, and is generally unrecognised in a conscientious way by the population as a whole. Sad, because I wonder about how many sensitive people don't break through and see past it to find loving, joyful and fulfilling lives. I hope all is good for you now, and getting even better!!
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I do hope you manage to find your shining light! Keep in mind, people do care, they just might not know how to show it. If you continue to live your life, through all of its ups and downs, you will realise that life sort of straightens itself up in its own way, you just have to let it happen and keep positive.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words, thankfully this was quite a few years back, so those thoughts are not at the front of my brain any longer, though I must admit I do get depressed even now every once in a while. Once you have depression, it is very difficult to get rid of, or at least bury, those terrible self hatred thoughts. One does get better every day though!
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Haven't been on here for a while, but it was great to return to such a positive message. Thank you 🙏 Glad things have got better for you too. I'm slowly but surely on the up myself.
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Oh, dear one. I've felt the same way more times than I could count. Your writing is raw and lovely, and I am so glad you chose to stay. <3 Keep writing and sharing your heart with the world. You are precious and loved.
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Thank you. I have many more such works of writing, that is if you care to read them.
All I can say is one's worst enemy is thyself, because you never really know what you, or your brain, will throw at you. Thankfully, those deep days of depression have dwindled, but they do come back up every once in a while.
Thanks for reading!
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