I Have

I Have

I have seen your pained bleating ire,
your horrid angst for the coming fire,
I've felt your pains as you stand aghast,
refusing to face the dreams of your past,
I've known the regret you wear as your mask,
to cover the anger at failing your task,
I've heard the whispers meant for your soul,
SCREAMING desire to, just once, be whole

I've used your methods for disguising pain,
which you might equate to unending rain,
I've shared in the lies which ne'er seem to end,
that tear down the walls we oft try to mend,
I've fought the battles that breach our defense,
and always exist in the present tense,
I've stared down the barrels of countless guns,
while the passage of time constantly runs

I've worn the vestments of life lived alone,
covering my heart with a shell made of bone,
I've hated with passion and unending zeal,
never giving my soul even one chance to heal,
I've wasted the mintues and hours and days,
with a zest that has never ceased to amaze,
I've carried the pain of a thousand mistakes,
and all the decisions my heart never makes

I've horded the debt of a life lived in greed,
leaving me starving like a beast with no feed,
I've lived in the heartless and loveless void,
bearing the fruits of all I've destroyed,
I've begged for forgiveness at the feet of my king,
only to be denied that one sole thing,
I've been singed by my hope on its funeral pyre,
as it burns my future with unquenchable fire

I've sworn on my life that I'll do what I can,
but oath was made useless before I began,
I've done all the maths and it doesn't add up,
there is no elixir to fill my damned cup,
I've often been told not to reach past my goals,
but as I can see it, they reach to the poles,
I've asked my questions which remain unanswered,
by even the lowliest no-account bastard

I've reached the conclusion that suffering grows,
for any poor wretch who assumes that he knows
I've swam in the sea that we MUST call despair,
grasping at lifeboats that aren't really there,
I've groped and reached and hemmed and hawed,
and fallen from grace in the eyes of my god,
I've come to a path that few would begrudge,
and a point in my life that won't let me budge,

I've believed in a truth that I now see is false,
making me SCREEEEAM as my hearts beating halts,
I've pictured the birth of a world gone astray,
and felt life ending while my loves went away,
I've gained all the knowledge my poor heart can stand,
gored by acquiescence with not one demand,
I've probed the hole that laid in my soul,
that formed when my lifesblood found no goal

I've washed the muddy waters that my tears left behind,
and discovered in me courage of a whole new kind,
I've picked myself up from the barren lands,
with each and both of my weathered hands,
I've chosen a path that few men will go,
and the end of that path I hope will still grow,
I've seen the path to my own independence,
and it's trailing off into the distance,
I've spurned regret and all of it's woes,
and the taste of bile, that always grows

I've surrendered my life to what lies ahead,
and found there wasn't quite so much to dread,
I've removed the predator named stress from my life,
and found that it sank a whole boatload of strife,
I've travelled this land too set to still learn,
continuing on while the wheels still turn,
I've tottered on the brink of the final abyss,
still in much shock that it was so hit or miss,
I've buried my dead and a few hatchets too,

it's my turn...

I'll see you...

When the world turns anew.