Internal Ocean - Original Poetry

raj808 (71) in poetry • 7 years ago (edited)

View this post on Hive: Internal Ocean - Original Poetry

7 years ago by raj808 (71)

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!

Sort Order:

Trending

[-]

carmalain7 (53) · 7 years ago

My favorite part of this poem has only been tightened by your edits and your more focused approach, the line breaks and the stanza breaks and the way you almost shield your cards and only put them down right when the reader needs to no about them, and no sooner.

Just some clever stuff that, I think, gives the scene of the windstrapped ship a touch more frantic-ness.

Fun read, @raj808, thank you for sharing.

$0.00

[-]

raj808 (71) · 7 years ago

Thanks carmalain7. Yes, I think it needed restructuring. Especially the run on line between verses gave me pause, and inspired the final edit and a full verse restructuring. The run-on didn't work at all. Thanks for the feedback m8, I appreciate it :-)

$0.00

[-]

hami (38) · 7 years ago

Very strong ending. Those words will stick with me

$0.00

[-]

raj808 (71) · 7 years ago

Thanks @hami. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Really glad that the final lines had the impact that I wanted. It's kind of a sad poem but comes from somewhere deep in my subconscious and from the past, which I have left behind. Ha ha, maybe I'll try writing something happy next poem I write. Thanks for checking it out mate :-)

$0.00