ALL Lives Matter

The worst feeling in the world is to believe that no one wants you, no one needs you, and no one loves you.
So many people don't understand how someone can sink so low that they feel the need to take their own life.
Could it be that they're selfish? Could it be that they want attention?
Could it be that they've lost touch with reality?
Perhaps you should ask yourself a better question...what could have been done differently to save their life?
I don't give a shit about what anyone says, until you have walked in the shoes of another person
you will never fully be able to understand their life choices, lifestyle, feelings, etc.
I have suffered from depression almost my whole life and was diagnosed with anxiety almost 3 years ago.
I am always exhausted, a sensitive person who cries often and takes everything to heart, I write and pour
my blood, sweat, and tears into everything that finds the page, I have feelings, I have heart,
I am an old soul, and would die for those I love. I, too, have considered suicide; I too have had a knife to my wrist and have come so close. Am I a coward? I don't know, but my fear of death, thoughts of family, and love for God keep me here.
I write all this to say that my life matters--even though tomorrow
I may tell you different--and ALL other lives matter, too.
I don't give a fuck if you are black, white, Hispanic, Asian, gay, straight, bi, or transgendered.
YOU matter! And any piece of shit that tells you otherwise is just that!
Every day is a struggle and some days I even struggle to function in general.
I laugh too loud and at odd times or places, I cry easily, I pick at the skin around my
nails till I bleed and I bite my nails, I do this weird blink nose twitch thing, there are days
my social anxiety comes back to bite me in the ass hard even, I eat my feelings at times, I long for
things I'll never have, I'm always over thinking, always afraid, always different, but DAMMIT
I am me just as you are you. People don't stop to think of how what they do and say can affect a person.
I have been told by more than one person to kill myself in my lifetime and they meant it, too.
They have even told me how to do the deed. These aren't just words, they are little scars that
eventually become an open wound over time. People need to be cautious especially now as we are
being run by a bully and bullying is at its peek. I feel so misunderstood.
Not many get what I am going through and the ones that do have no time for me.
I hate myself a lot and am really trying, but it's hard.
In closing, please be mindful and think of how others feel. Strive to help others or
at least to be the best you that you can be and know that we are all in this together.
Love and God Bless....

1/11/17