Words can't explain the pain
Instantaneous as a phone ring
What an ugly stain
In my memories lies mixed feelings
Forgiveness isn't easy nor permanent
Lingering heartstrings
Unwanted connection
No way to avoid the reaction
Just breathe and bare
Why do I care
Why are you still there
False hope for a better future between us
The past muddles up my trust
Whoever you are now is tainted by cries
By yells, by lies
By violent memories I wish to forget
By violent thoughts I haven't regretted yet
Let go of me, I've let go of you
There's no point in this game of trying to find a clue
The damage is done, the sky no longer blue
Your child is purple now, she's through
Who I am is someone you never knew
Oooh, the darkness in the poetry! I can almost feel the darkness....
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Wow that was crazy 💜 .. i found myself totally relating to it at one point in my life as well.. great writing 😍
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I wasn't able to get the context behind it , but yeah felt goosebumps.
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The context behind this poem... The backstory is I have a father who tries to keep in touch with me and a memory of who he use to be that prevents us from having the kind of father daughter relationship he seeks.
It isn't about the pain he inflicted on just me but my whole family and family he left behind before us. So many layers of pain that I haven't made peace with yet. When I made this poem, he had just tried to call me. I haven't been able to pick up the phone like I use to. I forgave him over and over again and then remember something he's done and I'm back to wishing he'd leave me alone...
He's a pathological liar, sociopathic, abusive, rapist and psycho who uses money and words to buy affection which is someone I don't want to resonate with. I didn't know half of the things he did until my mom sent me a letter letting me know everything... He's been trying to help so not wanting to speak to him makes me feel a bit of guilt. I know he's not who he use to be but the scars are still there...
Having PTSD is like having something open up old wounds randomly at the drop of a dime. That phone call triggered thoughts and memories I'd rather leave behind.
So there's the context behind it. I was thinking of making a post and talking about my family history of trauma. Just let it all out. But I don't want to put my family on blast. They could read it and who knows... I don't want to dig up theur old wounds.
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Thats really sad , and I am sorry . It was very brave of you putting out your family issues and your feelings so apt. A lot of people don't share it out in open , but I believe its good you put out so that you can inspire other people who are going through the same.
You indeed grew up to be a beautiful and a great person even after having issues with one of your parent , thats commendable and inspirational to a lot of people who think , its just the upbringing which defines a person
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Yeah true, I wouldn't know the light without darkness. 🤗✨
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I feel your pain @staceyjean. Following. Please write more!
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