I mourn thee

Ade,
I want to say I'm sorry,
But a guilty conscience has no words,-
It stutters, it stops.
I should have checked up on you,
Gifted you my time
As little of it as I can afford to give.
My I shoulds have no value now.
They are but air exhaled
From tortured lungs.

Ade,
These tears were not meant for you.
There were mine,
My very own solace in my nightmares,
The children of my pain, my sorrows
But now they fall from me for you.
I cannot speak the words
For you will never hear them.
I cannot speak the words
For you will never read them.

Ade,
I'm sorry for being so lost
Within my own pain
That I forgot that we all cry.
I forgot that...
I cannot speak the words.
I can wipe my eyes and go back
And reawaken and not miss you,
And not remember you
Believing that you are fine.

Ade,
I know someone is lying,
Playing a joke,
Pulling a fast one on me.
It is hard to believe.
I cannot touch the pain.
It is swollen and red, it throbs
And a little press it could burst.
I want someone to curse me,
Scream at me and shame me.

Ade,
Sleep like a cocoon,
Dream like a pupa,
Wake up as a butterfly
With iridescent wings.
Live on and be beautiful.
I'll miss you, God knows.
Goodbye.

---

There's nothing inside this life. It is just empty. The steadfastness of the lord never ceaseth, his mercies never come to an end. There are new every morning, new every morning, great is your faithfulness oh Lord, great is your faithfulness.