Poem / Stupid Me

xxsenpaixsamaxx (69) in poetry • 7 years ago (edited)

Stupid me

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I think I've messed up
We got so close and then December started
The few embers I was able light between us
Were blown out in November's dusk

The common ground we both had was split in two
When I left for a vacation not being able to stay in contact with you
The only time we'd speak was when I was feeling weak
I told you about all my problems wich lead to you trying to solve 'em

Another girl walked into my life
And walked out baring a blood stained knife
I wish I hadn't let her in
It just complicated things between us

There was never anything to start
But you held a special place in my heart
I want to rekindle the flames
And light up your hearth again
Stupid little me
Just wishes you'd be wrapped up under my Christmas tree

By Ethan
2017/12/08

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! If you did and want to hear more you can follow me here (^~^) <(^~^<)

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7 years ago by xxsenpaixsamaxx (69)

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littlerph (51) · 7 years ago

This poem is cute. <3 I especially like the last stanza hahaha. I feel like seeing an anime couple inside my head under the christmas tree, then poof, it was just what he imagined it to be, ouch huhu. </3 Nice poem! ^^

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1 vote

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xxsenpaixsamaxx (69) · 7 years ago

Thank you, I am glad to see you back at it again :)

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littlerph (51) · 7 years ago

You're welcomeee ^^ and thank you, Ethan! It feels so good to be back hehe 😊😊

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beginningtoend (69) · 7 years ago

Ha ha, sounds like a desperate plea, the reader wonders, fact or fiction?

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1 vote

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xxsenpaixsamaxx (69) · 7 years ago (edited)

Fact, heart breaking fact ;_;

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1 vote

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arthur.grafo (69) · 7 years ago

It was good, but...I see you live in South Africa, which means you should be able to write better English.

If English is not your mother tongue, then I suggest you write in your own language and provide a translation - then people will be more forgiving/understanding. I also suggest you make a note asking that if anyone sees an error, they let you know - having a rep higher than most of us, not many will find the courage to do so without you expressly asking.

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3 votes

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xxsenpaixsamaxx (69) · 7 years ago

I do apologize for any inconvenience and will do so in future, I am a humble highschool student and English is not my first language but I prefer to express myself in it.

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arthur.grafo (69) · 7 years ago

You are so VERY wrong!
I did not write my comment so as to tell you off - I was telling you that you DO have talent, but that talent by itself is not enough.

There are great poets in the history of literature who wrote poems, re-wrote them, read and re-read them and wrote them again, polishing what their gift has given them, trying to perfect the poem.

You wrote your poem and, I suspect, because it used to happen to me, you fell in love with it and posted it without even reading it once to check for mistakes. So, instead of impressing us and creating a tiny dot of beauty or sadness or love within us, you left us concentrating on the fact that you cannot spell the word December (obviously you can spell the word, you just reversed the two letters -if I posted my comments without my checking for that kind of errors, mine also would be full of such mistakes).

What I am trying to tell you is, be your OWN critic; strive to produce the best poems you can and only once you have re-read and corrected them the next day, publish them for anyone else to read them.

When you feel you have achieved perfection, that is when you cross your fingers and HOPE that someone with more expertise and talent is wlling to be a teacher and help you grow even further.

If you truly love what you are doing - and if you love yourself, then being a poet will always leave you feeling a bit unsatisfied, because you will keep on looking back at your past work and you'll tell yourself, oh crap, I could have done better.

You will be wrong if you do so. I am not just throwing words at you, today I will be posting a long poem I wrote about 40 years ago. I can see, now, how I should have written it, but I respect the person I was at that time, so I will be posting it as I wrote it then. I had re-written and tried my best at that time, so I am happy with it, despite the faults time has taught me to avoid now.

I'll be checking on you, so as to enjoy your new poems, hoping to see you improve month by month - and if you want me to try and help, say so from now, or else I will only read and upvote if I feel you deserve it (even one unique line, one gift of an image from your mind to mine, will earn the upvote), but I will not speak about what was less than you could achieve. So, what do you want?

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2 votes

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xxsenpaixsamaxx (69) · 7 years ago

I would really appreciate the criticism, I like to have a second opinion from an unbiased source, it gives me a better look at my work and helps me improve.

I will also be following you and looking at your writings as learning experience and trying to adjust where I can.

My spelling is also bad at the moment because I use a cellular device to produce my content, my fingers type too fast and mix things up and when I proof read I miss little details. I will definitely fine comb my work from now on :)

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arthur.grafo (69) · 7 years ago

It will be a pleasure to do what I can - I presume you know how to edit your post. Try to let me know when you post (sometimes I don't look for a day or more because I'm busy writing and miss posts I want to read). I'll let you know what needs correcting, even if not spelling, and once you have decided what you want to correct and the poem is edited, I'll delete my suggestion. It is the only way I can keep it between the two of us.