(IJCH) Abandoning a Major "Man Rule" because of my new Pressure Cooker!
IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (Meaning: My Warped, Personal Opinions and Musings)
From the Author:
Salutations.
I am JaiChai.
And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.
I invite you to interact with everyone, learn, and have as much fun as possible!
For my returning online friends, "It's always great to see you again!"
A little about "Man Rules"
Some of the hallowed "Man Rules" of life include:
- "Never ask for directions when lost."
- "Know when (and when not) to scratch your itchy balls."
- "Piss off as many femi-Nazis whenever and wherever possible (unless they're hot and you think you got a chance, of course.)"
- "Always lie about your net worth AND your level of sexual prowess."
- Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
Near the top of this sacred list is this "Man Rule":
"Never waste your time reading Consumer/User Operating Manuals."
If you live in Asia, you know exactly the manuals I'm talking about.
They are basically two-inch pamphlets that contain microscopic text - sometimes in your native language, but usually in Chinese.
But now I'm turning over a new leaf.
I've decided to abandon this "Man Rule" forever.
Why?
Because of a scary, potentially lethal event that happened a few days ago in my kitchen.
What, pray tell, happened?
Here's a hint: my new pressure cooker.
My First Pressure Cooker
I finally broke down and bought a pressure cooker to aid in my mushroom cultivation; specifically, the sterilization phase.
For the last five months, cheap ole' me had been sterilizing my grain spawn jars and substrate bags by steaming them in the biggest cauldron I have, topped with a ridiculous-looking tin foil tent.
Because this method is highly inefficient, resulting in many air, pressure and steam leaks, the process takes over four hours.
It consumes a butt load of stove energy in the form of propane or sometimes, electricity (my portable electric burner).
To make matters worse, maintaining the required temperature is a hit or miss - making the materials' sterility sketchy at best.
That's why I chose to finally spring for a pressure cooker, my first ever.
I knew that at 15 Psi, the pressure would produce an audible slow, steady "hiss".
(These days, I tell any visitors not to worry about the hissing sound. "It's just my pet cobras in the kitchen".)
Anyway, I figured that with a pressure cooker, the sterilization process would be cut in half; meaning: much less heating energy required and the sterility of the items is almost guaranteed.
Easy Peasy? Not!
There I was, staring at my new pressure cooker - the same model I had seen my mother use when I was a little boy, ready to fire it up and start sterilizing my mushroom bags - but quickly and properly this time!
I methodically washed and dried the unit, filled it with three grow bags of mushroom substrate and lots of water (ass-uming the more water, the better).
Putting on the cover and checking the little, pyramid shaped pressure weight, I turned on my stove.
I waited for the water to boil, the pressure to accumulate, and to hear that beautiful "hiss" that signaled an internal pressure of 15 Psi.
But alas, "Easy-Peasy" was not to be.
After letting the water boil for over 30-40 minutes, it was no joy - no "hiss". Apparently, there was not enough internal Psi.
I removed and re-seated the pressure cooker's cover and waited for another 30-40 minutes.
Still nothing.
It wasn't until I repeated this procedure four times that I finally heard that beautiful "hiss" - the signal that 15 Psi had been achieved.
But...
Help! Explosive Decompression!
Two hours into the sterilization process, I experienced something very similar to this:
Luckily, I was in my bedroom and clear of the blast zone when it happened.
Also fortuitous was the fact that the only casualties of the explosion were the three mushroom bags. The explosive decompression splattered their smelly contents all over the rear kitchen wall.
(Warning: Tangent to follow.)
Funny thing.
The "substrate shrapnel" on the kitchen wall looked like a huge, but oddly engaging, Jackson Pollard painting.
Weird, no?
(OK, back on topic: The Pressure Cooker Explosion)
Perplexed about the event, I embarrassingly searched through my trash bin and dug out the User Manual.
Thankfully, there was an English version on the reverse of each tiny page.
Yes, I broke the "Man Rule"; but hey, desperate situations require...
Besides, no one was around to see me.
The User Manual clearly revealed what I had done to cause the explosive decompression:
- I did not coat the synthetic gasket around the inside of the cover with vegetable oil.
- I did not loosen the secondary relief valves on top of the cover.
- I did not keep the beginning water level below the "Warning: Do Not Over-Fill" line; basically ensuring that the over-filled pressure cooker would explode.
- I did not ensure that the pyramid weight was free of dust and debris.
- I did not decrease the stove flame after the "hiss" was robust.
- I did not monitor the pressure cooker for excessive shaking caused by uneven packing of its contents.
- And a few other, moderate to minor "Do's and Don'ts" that, when taken as an aggregate, blatantly proved that I was another, common variety, "We Don't Need No Stinkin' User Manual, Male Idiot!
Nowadays, because of what I learned from the User Manual, no more Pressure Cooker explosions have occurred.
Consequently, I have since abandoned the "Ignore any Consumer Directions or User Manuals" rule forever.
Imagine that?
Submitted for your free moments to ponder.
May you and yours be well and love life today. - JaiChai
About the Author
Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.
In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.
After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.
Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).
He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.
"Power House Creatives - Superlative Member Support and the Supreme Welcome Party for all new Steemians!" - JaiChai
I am so sorry to be laughing as hard as I am, but I just can't help it. I too had an explosion like that when I first received my pressure cooker. I ended up with homemade spaghetti sauce EVERYWHERE! It even ended up in my shoes, which were in the other room!
Welcome to the Girl's Club!
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Those things scare me! I've never used one, and doubt I ever will, so you are braver than I am! Loved your humorous take on this story! 🙌
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Thanks so much for your kind words.
May you and yours be well and love life today.
Namaste, JaiChai
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Really enjoyed reading your accounting of battle with the pressure cooker. You have a unique way with words plus the humor, so it was a fun read. So glad that no one got hurt!
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Thanks so much for visiting and commenting.
Namaste, JaiChai
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I've got a feeling I break a lot of man rules. I've never read the book! Maybe I should. Then I'd know I'd which rules are okay to break, and when. But I'd probably end up breaking that rule too. :-)
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Hahaha. Jaichai long time, buddy. You make a potentially serious situation so hilarious. Of course, I call it potential because nothing happened to you guys.
Enjoyed reading. And yes, follow the manual the next time. BUT don't ask for directions. 😊 😊 😊
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Dear @jaichai,
Thank you for your story. I have to tell you this though: I am a girl and I dislike reading manuals so, I wing it sometimes. I did not have a pressure incident and hopefully, I won't after this because, I am going to READ every damn manual I get when I buy anything with manual in them. hahahahahahaha
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YIKES! That is crazy! I remember mom always used one. I have not bought one yet myself. Glad you were not hurt!
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Thanks.
Also, kind of you for visiting and commenting.
May you and yours be well and love life today.
Namaste, JaiChai
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Haha yah! What a story!!
The man rules are damn funny and make for some good situations.
We win or we learn so these rules make for some pretty good lessons as long as we learn from their mistakes.
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Word! LOL!
Namaste, JaiChai
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I have a pressure cooker. I laughed at the lady when she said you should read the instructions. I said they will go in the recycling.
I will gladly ignore your advice. I'm more interested in the mushrooms. Sorry to hear about your loss.
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Very glad you weren't hurt. I did have a good laugh though. I had a similar incident.
I had gotten a pressure cooker for the microwave as a gift. I do a brief glance at the directions. I think I made a pot roast. It was smelling awesome about 10 mins in and you could see steam and hear a small whistle. Which the directions had said would happen. About 5 mins later, the door of my microwave blew open along with a huge pop sound. the seal had blown and I had veggies all over the inside of my microwave.
I removed that weight that was the release valve, oddly it did not blow off. I took off the weight and was a bit mesmerised that half the lid had blown out the threading on the side.
What did I do wrong? I was supposed to have a 1 in clearance above the pressure valve. I didn't, I had about 1/8th of an inch. Rather than the pressure blowing the weight valve off since it didn't have room, the remaining pressure had to escape some how.
Pressure Cooker 1 Microwave 0
Pressure Cooker 1 My ego 0
Pressure 1 Cooker 0
The culprit
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And a reciprocal "Glad you weren't hurt" to you too!
Thanks for visiting and the great comment(s).
To be honest, reading your experience kinda made me feel better...
Namaste, JaiChai
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good post @jaichai
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Man rules, oh goodness. Haha, that'll teach you. In all seriousness I'm glad no one got hurt with the exploding pressure cooker! I have one and it still makes me a little nervous even after reading all of the instructions. It is a great tool, though, so I'm glad you have had better luck using it since then. ;)
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We are SO proud to have you as a member of our
FANTABULOUS Power House Creatives family!
uvoted and/or resteemed!
❤ MWAH!!! ❤
#powerhousecreatives
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So good that nobody saw you - best to keep it quiet :)
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