Diary of a Depressed Mom

missmetal (33) in proud • 7 years ago

January 4, 2018
Too toot my own horn would be wrong, but I'm going to do it anyways... I went running today after accomplishing everything that was on my list of things to do! I downloaded that couch to 5k app and it actually isnt terribly unreasonable, I only have to run 3x a week and I dont think thats to much to overwhelm me. My problem isn't the wanting to be healthier or look better, its the OCD that ruins it for me.
With my OCD I find it very very difficult to follow through because if I miss even just one day i feel like an absolute failure. I then cant start anything til at least the next monday and by that time its so far into the month that I cant start until the beginning of the next month, and so on and so on.... its silly I know and even sillier when i say it outloud....but my brain doesn't understand. Why dont you just do it...seems easy right? But believe it or not it can cause such bad anxiety that I can go from running 3 days a week to hiding under the covers in my magical comfort zone called my bed.
So you see......this accomplishment is really something to write about and when I kick my first 5k's ass then I'll really have something to TOOT about :)

proud motherhood mentalawareness accomplished

7 years ago by missmetal (33)

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thecleangame (58) · 7 years ago

Cannabidiol (CBD) Helps Massively with OCD

Seriously, if you've never used a high CBD, moderate THC cannabis before you're truly missing out.

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while helping you stay calm and un-depressed. Totally amazing how your mood control increases significantly. The running you do helps so much as well, good on you for excercising. :)

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and choose the highest percentage ones you can find. Staying away from indicas, the sleepy/stupid/lazy strains, also helps significantly. Especially when you have kids. LOL :)

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Go BE Awesome! :D

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karenps (38) · 7 years ago

Good for you! A brand new start! You can do it!!!

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missmetal (33) · 7 years ago

New year new me right :)

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thedreamsteem (50) · 7 years ago

Way to go on starting c25k. I waited until after the winter thawed to start the program last year myself, so good on you for hitting the new year hard.

There will always be a "next Monday", but do you want to be in the same position when it comes around again? Of course not. But in some areas, like running, you may be (c25k does repeat time/distance ran vs walked to not build up difficulty too quick) but you are certainly not in the same place in other areas. Even if you are not able to run on a day, what about a shower? Making a healthy treat for yourself?

I guess my point is even when you are feeling like one item on your plan seems impassable, look back and consider the small things that you haven't given yourself credit for. I would think I had had a "zero day" where I had done nothing, but brushing my teeth and moving from my bed to the couch and dropping food into the dog's bowl was my victory for that day and while I was aware that I had not achieved all of my goals for the day, I still put in some work for myself down the road and it helped keep my gaze in front instead of at or behind my feet. Don't let anyone else define your victories though.

Thrash on, metal mama!

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missmetal (33) · 7 years ago

i could have waited but i feel like had i then i never would have starrted LOL. I have a small list of things that i need to get done throughout the day and thats what I base my good days on, i then slowly add to the list so i dont get to overwhelmed ;) i know im really hard on myself but its something im starting to get better at!

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thedreamsteem (50) · 7 years ago

I argue that that is the most important thing on my daily to-do list--be kind to myself. This is most often achieved on days I'm successful with keeping my gaze a little down the line to my next bite-size short term goals to chisel away at my longer term ones. You know your path best, keep on!