This the second part of the chronological section of my time in Tennessee, September and October 2018. I talk about College and Fall Break.
In general, names have been changed or removed. Information may have been removed or added. Length is around 10 pages. Comments afterwards are an additional 12 pages.
August 2018
[Before starting college I saw two advertisements, one not long after the other, both for shows about inappropriate videos being taken without permission and shared with the community of the victims. I took this to be an implied threat to release the footage of me in the shower to the college. I did not react. To my knowledge that never happened. -3/15/21]
Aug 19th, I was attempting to back up my photos into a MicroSD card in my phone. When I did so, the pictures were removed off of my phone, and the card was corrupted. I looked up how to recover data on an sd card and set my laptop up for it. The program had a good track record. I was staying in my room for a long time studying so I let the program run, as I recall for days. It ultimately did not complete the recovery.
When I went to …………., another example of a pastor using the pulpit as a tool for FBI harassment, the pastor gave an anecdote about how he had lost data on a card, and how enraged he was. The sermon was on anger. [This is the same church with the pastor who introduced himself twice. -3/10/21]
Aug 25th, I attempted to resume my efforts to recover the data. The program was supposed to be able to do that, but couldn't resume the photorec session.
Fall 2018 AC/DC Class
There were some strange things about Rasputin that showed similarities to a stage hypnotist. On the first day, he went around the room and shook every one's hand. Later, near the end of the class, he did this again, but when he came to me, he mispronounced my name, and as I took the time to explain to him what my name was, he was holding my wrist with his other hand. This could be getting a baseline heartbeat, and then checking me later on to see if I had changed.
First thing in the class he brought out a motor and asked me to read what the label said. He frequently drew me out with many questions. The tone he set in the class was loose and jovial. Many students who had apparently taken his class before traded barbs.
He briefly brushed aside the syllabus, saying that the basis on which we were graded would be different anyway. During the class, he would throw out new rules, like if anyone messes up their sheet on the power equations, then no one is allowed to use them during the test, and if everyone will buy a book he recommended, then everyone could use it for the test. I found these things very odd. He was using intense peer pressure to get me to do things, and he had a lot of arbitrary power over our grades. After the first class, I was unsure of what to make of this strange power dynamic, and didn't know what he might ask me to do and what I should say if I didn't feel comfortable. The whole air of the class was so light and playful that it was hard to say no to things.
Another thing that happened during the first class is he would ask my permission for things. He asked me if he could close the projector. I said, "if you wish." He told me that I was supposed to say, "yes, you may." I did so, and at the end of the class he asked my permission again, and I said "if you wish." His brow furrowed like that is not the response he wanted. I didn't know why that would bother him, but I remember hearing one time that to make people more suggestible, you get them to say yes to you. Mr. Rory was the student who sat next to me. He and "Ras" as we were supposed to call him, had a much closer relationship. Mr. Rasputin asked Mr. Rory to confirm that he was quite a notorious teacher here, and he said, "I learned that in the second week." I wondered what happened the second week. He finished the class very early.
In the second class, he commented that he liked the trick I had for remembering my name. He seemed excited. As we began, I volunteered answers and was asked many questions. He toyed with me, asking me to pick a student who would have to answer the next question. I wasn't sure I wanted to at first. I looked around. He said that if I felt uncomfortable, all I would have to do is make eye contact with him as he passed that student, and he began to walk down the aisle gleefully. I looked at the students, and found one who I thought seemed pretty knowledgeable and open. "You're braver than I thought." He gave me some positive reinforcement for my obedience. I looked at Jace, who I had picked. He looked sick. Mr. Rasputin began to prepare his question, and he kept preparing it. Jace offered a "uhu" in a cracked voice, unusually nervous I thought for how outspoken he was before. But Mr. Rasputin never did ask him a question. He just kept preparing for one and stopped like he had made some statement. He then offered Jace the chance to pick the next person. He picked a guy in the front row who hadn't spoken. Mr. Rasputin looked worried, and joked that that man showed no fear, and he didn't want to toy with people like that.
A boy appeared in the door. He was acknowledged by Mr. Rasputin as a former student, who had after graduating from his class gone on to successfully get a job. The impression I was given from that event is that Mr. Rasputin is a very great teacher and I must depend on him and what he says to succeed. I remembered Mr. Rory saying he learned how infamous Mr. Rasputin was in the second week, and here I had as well. Something felt off to me about that, and I couldn't put my finger on it.
Ras asked a student in the front who seemed to have some knowledge about electronics if he saw anything that he was doing wrong. At one point the student, Wade? tried to point something out, but he was wrong. Ras said that was okay, if someone is listening to something they are already familiar with they aren't going to pay full attention. Even he wouldn't. At the end of the class, he asked him to really tell him how he was doing as a teacher, like he needed his insight. Mr. Rasputin is supposed to be a very experienced teacher.
Mr. Rasputin was showing us some rule on the board, and asked if we accepted it, "even though it was only Mr. Rasputin saying it." "It's Ohm's law." A student added. And so Mr. Rasputin agreed that it was something we could accept. Later on, he told us a galvanometer worked just like some other tool, and asked if we accepted this. Then he directed his question to the whole back row, and just started going down the line, nodding his head as each successive person complied with a "yes." When he came to me, I said "I don't know." I really didn't. I didn't understand what it was that he had said. He laughed. He told me that I had a very good quality that his wife also has, except that she understands. He continued to teach, and asked us to clear our minds and imagine taking a break, smoking a cigarette, and drinking coffee. Then he asked me another question, which I got completely wrong. I was feeling alarmed, and wasn't paying full attention. He looked up shocked at me and exclaimed I was incorrect. Ras seemed unsettled. He kept asking Mr. Rory’s permission to end the class, which he did not too long later, very early again. As I left he told me "Be safe."
It was many things, but I decided to drop that class.
September 2018
Sept 16th, I searched hypnotism. I remember after doing so, the next time I went to college, in front of the entrance to the …………. building was a police car and uniformed police officer, presumably to intimidate me from retaliating against Rasputin.
October 2018
Oct 4th, I viewed the staff directory of …………. College. As I recall after this, I was tailed by their police car as I came in. In some of these cases where the police feel I am looking into them a little too much, or after they feel one of their undercover officers has been made, I get a pronounced police presence showing up to various places I go or following me. For example, after I visibly seemed suspicious of Memphis from my CAD class, or after I picked out a guy sitting across from me in a library. Sometimes they would drive by as I came out of my house, show up and stand around in the balcony where I was singing during worship in full uniform; have one tail me on the road, only to be replaced by park ranger #…………., etc. Typical to be punished for their mistakes. Also typical to meet every problem with more intimidation.
Fall Break
While I was visiting my family during Fall Break my father got a request for an interview every day I was there, and got a job on the last day that I was there. He was unemployed for over a year despite being an experienced software engineer in a booming job market, …………., and has had barely any call backs. They say it was maybe six interviews in a year he had gotten before my visit.
10/10/18
Wednesday, I arrive around 1:20 am. Mom, Dad, and …………., stayed up for me. Mom asks if I'm hungry. I look around. There are rules on fridge door for Jade. [They listed punishments, but not spanking. My three siblings and I were spanked growing up. We considered it condoned in the Bible. However, Brian Andrews appeared to be against corporal punishment. To be fair, as I recall I discouraged my mother from punishing my niece that way after Porcfest. However on this day when I spoke with her, she seemed to grudgingly say they couldn't spank her. I have influence with my family, but that seemed like a bit more control than that. It seemed to me in this case and at other times my stalker was playing with my family to suit himself, a great deal farther than would be useful for the "government's interests." I remember when I read my Porcfest entry to my family while they visited [Tennessee in the Spring], I showed them his picture, and my father exclaimed that he could be as old as he was. My mother gave a knee jerk defense that "he could be 45." I had just explained he was an atheist who tried to kiss me twice after I was physically stopping him. It is pretty uncharacteristic for my mother to defend his viability as my romantic partner. This and many other cases suggest Andrews is using the threat of his position for his personal needs. -2/27/20]
Thursday: I show dad my college notes. He says I have learned a lot in a few months, and his were stolen when he left his briefcase behind while interviewing. [Possibly a threat.] I was quiet and awkward around mom. She asked me questions, and wasn't sure what not to ask about. She asked me if I could smell cream to see if it is still good. [She made some comment like I know about things like that, right? It had probably never been clarified in Andrews's mind whether I knew if it was risky to eat the food that had gone bad when Ace had upset me. I imagine my mother would have taken some blame for failing to educate me. -2/27/20] She asked me about exercise. Snickers, my cat, is not well. Mom wanted me to have her put to sleep while I was there. She and dad insist I take her to the vet. She says she doesn't want to go through the hell of taking care of an animal with worms like Blackie. I explain what I want [though I got a little emotional, which would mean Snickers' death would go on the list of vulnerabilities.] I told mom and dad about food going bad in Maryland, me getting sick, and how there were news stories about worms around the same time. [Including an add with a graphic. -3/11/21] Mom asked if maybe something was wrong with their fridge. I said the family had food in it and was fine. She smirked and looked down. I told them about …………., my land lady's hair on my desk after I thoroughly cleaned. I talked to dad about Narcissists and manipulators, mom asks us to keep talking down stairs. Dad tells me about smear campaigns. [He explained a technique where you are an anonymous source to speak against someone, and then reference that source as your corroboration. He also said that it works well for them if they can be paid for a living to do these terrible things they are naturally inclined to do. -2/27/20] We talked about God as the only hope. I said you cannot just tell them to go to hell. Mom says “Exactly!” But I said you can't leave hell out for a moment. If you knew the goodness of God, you would know hell is just. God is redemptive, and dies for enemies. They destroy their friends. I talked with Daniel and mom about various things. I read descriptions of persecutions, Paul's, and in Hebrews chapter 11. I referenced the verse that said what does it profit a man if he gains the world and loses his soul. [I was making an argument that as Christians, we are forbidden to be Satan to people, terrorizing and destroying people and getting them to do evil, no matter what is done to us.] I worked on school with Jade, helping with a division problem, 17 divided by 3. I wanted to help her conceptualize the difference between 17/3 and 3/17, so I used 3 people, as something that isn't normally divided. [This appeared, when I went to a Bible study on the 12th, to lead them to interpret me as imminently plotting to kill police officers. This is something I have seen in another narcissist--a sincere belief that others are a serious physical threat. Paranoia in the hands of someone who is able to respond with destructive force is a recipe itself for a danger to public safety. -2/27/20] I went to see Jade play volleyball. A woman asked if I was with Jade, and gave me a bag of clothes to take home with me for her. [It seemed my family was benefiting, during their time of financial strain, from the kindness of others. That could potentially be a way to make someone dependent. I remember mom and Jade coming home from a restaurant with a wrap and smoothie, all while struggling to pay bills. -2/27/20] Daniel invited me to go with him to …………. for a Bible study. I went to Avery's, and they talked about freewill vs predestination. One boy there brought up the comment about a guy who shot at police, disparaging him, and [Avery as I recall talked about respecting authority, and quoted a verse he used to quote very frequently, which was we are to be "wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." The boy's comment seemed placed, and Avery seemed discouraged by me, I presume because he was told absurd things about me [like that I was plotting to kill police officers]. It would be unfortunate if the perspective of a narcissist, who is seeing the world in a very skewed way due to his condition, could be taken as expert opinion, fed to the victim's connections, and kept a secret, so it will not be challenged. -2/27/20] During bedtime, I asked the family if they would like to read the Bible with me. Mom suggested Jade's school passage, Hebrews 4. I read. Mom asked if Jesus is God, and God is not tempted, how was Jesus tempted as we are? She says he didn't lust, and started picking out which temptations he had. I say he was tempted, but didn't sin. James 1 describes that there is a difference between temptation and sin. Whatever it meant, it meant he could sympathise with her. Friendship with the world is enmity with God. We are in the world, but it doesn't drive us. ... I say “Perfect love casts out fear” used to not make sense to me. If I love something, I will fear harm to it. Fear is evidence of love. But I had come to know it was God's love for us that casts out fear. Mom says [harshly] the world will hate you. I agreed, if it hated Jesus, it will hate us, but we can have spiritual peace. Mom [left] and called Jade to come. Jade asked what a heathen is. I say unredeemed. Everything they do tends towards destruction. … We talk about the fear of the Lord: seek truth, hate evil. Dad says I'm not acting normal not answering Mom's questions, and it seemed strained. He says he hopes we will come to an understanding, and I am hurting her feelings. I say I don't need to be normal and I have my reasons, and want what's best for them. But I would think about it. [I considered it best to not come forward and tell everyone I believed I was being "investigated," at the same time the reality of an investigation would change my behavior. Largely in the beginning that meant I kept my distance from people. But I was not explaining why. This is one of the problems people in my situation face. -2/27/20]
Friday, Mom said Pawson [a preacher we both liked] said how do you tell the difference between a backslider and an apostate? See if God takes you back. [This may have been one attempt to begin to make me think God had permanently rejected me. It is not at all in her character to do that. For the sane among us, we can take a moment to reflect on the significance of this act. This is a direct psychological attack on a person's religion, perpetrated by a government against a political dissident, namely, through a mother against her child. [She does offer a possible good motive for her question posted below.] -2/27/20] Mom was sad. I gave her the book Hiding Place back. We watched Sherlock Holmes together. She said chloroform works, but slowly. [It seemed a bit unusual for my mother to know that sort of thing. -2/27/20] Sherlock wasn't that good. Mom said she could see I wanted my own life and she is willing to let me go. I took a long nap. For supper we had bulgogi (meat). I didn't eat it. [I was still dealing with people trying to drug me. -2/27/20] Mom asked dad how long she slept, saying it was a few hours. [Mom and I had been eating candy corn out of the same bowl. I might have assumed it was safe if an informant did it too. However, her comment could make me think my nap was due to drugs, and she had also been affected, perhaps intentionally. -2/27/20] I had to do my midterm. Mom gives me a laptop to use. At first I think not, but dad convinces me. [Dad rushed to get me to use it. I had suspected my mother more than my father at that point, but here he is clearly supporting her in that. This was totally uncharacteristic of him. Usually he is very calm. -2/27/20]
Saturday: I watched more Voltron with Jade in the afternoon. Snickers was getting bad. Her injury was not draining. I called vets and got quotes and information. Mom said they will decide what to do with Snickers before I go. I talked with Daniel for several hours, reading Jeremiah 7, 9, and 17. Daniel told me people can lose salvation, and never be accepted again. He referenced the "three strikes" in Amos. I wondered what the application was. It is hopeless so curse God and die? [One again, perhaps an attempt to make me think God had permanently rejected me. This is totally out of character for my brother, and made no sense to bring it up in the conversation. [His response is below.] -2/27/20] I read in Judges, where God said He will not take back Israel after their many times disobeying, but has compassion when they repent and does. I referenced the unjust judge, where the persistent widow was heard, and how God will be more gracious; and Jeremiah 18, which explains God's "return policy." Daniel asked about what Paul was striving to lay hold of. I said our maturation is very important to God. Daniel asked what having one mind means. [Not the Borg, where people can coerce others into agreement.] I said one God, one faith. If everyone is following the truth, we should arrive at the same place. Not Paul and the apostles. Daniel asks about lend and do not expect in return. [The passage says to give to those who ask, so it might be convenient for people with no empathy to exploit.] I point out those taking advantage of this... We must understand the reason for forbearance. Don't help people destroy themselves by taking advantage of you. Daniel asked if I know about the verse that says we must help family, or we are worse than the unbeliever. [Basically this appeared to be a series of attempts to use scripture as a weapon against my faith, finances, and more to come.] We talked about the homeless. I told him about harassment at Walmart and College cops. I said there are lots of reasons people are homeless, and we don't know what battles people fight. Some have kids, and are afraid CPS will take them if they seek help because they have no utilities. Some are on drugs, and are afraid to come forward. One was a pedophile. It can also be because it is the best life for them. Daniel tells me about [a church taking measures to prevent child abuse], and there being a girl who was not severely abused but still had symptoms. They gave out anonymous cards for people's stories. I note they had handwriting.
///WARNING: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
[A trauma of sexual abuse was one of the first things Andrews asked me about in his email. When I mentioned dreams in my journal a long time later, the first [artificial dream I was given out of a long period of artificial dreams] was being gang raped. It seems to be one of the highest priorities to get sexual assaults listed as a vulnerability of mine. Malignant narcissists have out of control libidos and are exploitative and are sadistic, so it should be no surprise that they are sexual predators, using an also demented government program to feed their sadism. After saying in my journal at [Maryland] that people who are less acclimated to sex are more sensitive to it, I was sexually harassed the next morning. After a recent dream in [Quebec] about child porn, unknown people kept going into my bathroom that I share with one other. Here a brother is presenting a possible trigger which may permit a gang of sexual maniacs to get his sister to relive sexual abuse. The level of depravity that is involved in this program is one of the highest. -2/27/20]
///END EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT
… I told Daniel it is a sin to cause someone to sin, and read Proverbs 6, "the Lord hates... one who sows discord among brothers." I talked about pride. I agree it is important to listen, to hear their side. I told Daniel about sadism making others vulnerable so you feel less so, and the Monkey Game story. [This is something I heard on YouTube. A hacker finds a website and breaks in. He sees a countdown and curtains. When the countdown ends, he enters into a chat room, and sees everyone is watching someone tied to a table. Someone is granted the opportunity to decide what to do to him next, and that person brings a saw closer to him. The hacker is horrified, but is afraid if he expresses his feelings, he may end up being the next target of this group. Then he sees someone say they have almost locked on his location, and he shuts the computer down and doesn't touch another for 4 years. I could see recognition in Daniel’s eyes, which would be a parallel to the informant’s situation. It seems to me this is the fear of the informants. They act with cruelty, knowing that the action they are taking could very well be against them. In effect, they are maintaining the threat to themselves. It must be a torturous thing to be an informant. -2/27/20] Daniel said some environments do not encourage individual thought. He said we must obey authority. [What?! What environment was he defending? -10/20/20] I say no. Daniel, Shadrack, Mishack, and Abednego disobeyed the king of Babylon. Peter, when told not to preach, said if the government tells you to sin, you must obey God. [Daniel said, “Oh,” like he had just come to a realization when I said that. -10/20/20] Daniel said jokingly there was being a slave to sin. “If only God had thought of that: a way to not be a slave to sin anymore.” I responded sarcastically. That is exactly the point of salvation. “Judgement day is the ultimate Nuremberg trials.” I added. That is to say, "just doing my job" is no defense. Mom was also in the room. We had Bulgogi for supper. I didn't eat. [I had written this again in my original notes. Notes were written around the same time, but not necessarily the same day on this trip. We may have had the same thing twice. I remember being tested at one point to see if I was abstaining from meat. -2/27/20]
Sunday – I sleep in, everyone leaves. I check on Snickers. Her abscess opened. I take care of her for several hours. Daniel comes home, tells me he woke up several times, and had to pray to resolve it. I didn't say much. The family came back. Becky asked me if I'm not eating meat. I don't want to say. Jade yells “She's just curious!” [This is an example of me being automatically defensive, given attacks are couched in normal conversation. I erred on the side of not talking. This appeared to frustrate Jade. At the time it seemed Becky had chosen to stay out of being an informant. -2/27/20] Beef stroganoff that night. I was quiet, on the computer. Daddy had barely gotten any interviews all year, but had been contacted every day since I came. Mom asked me if I opened Snickers' abscess or not. I say no. [Possible entrapment question. It would probably be illegal to attempt a crude surgery on a pet. -2/27/20] Dad got an offer and thanked God, saying it was all those prayers on Facebook. Mom notes that was a little before I came but not much. Then she gets excited and must clean Snickers' spot, wash the wall [where Snickers had made a mess], and asked me eagerly if I would like a pillow to sit on. [The realization seemed to come to my mother that the whole year of my family suffering was actually about me. They didn't seem to realize that this was primarily about Andrews breaking me, and seemed to be inducted into these acts of deception and cruelty without knowing why. Her behaviour was totally uncharacteristic of her. My mother does not suck up to people. She wouldn't have recognized the expectation to. The idea that she could act desperately servile to me, and that I would take that as payment and no longer harm them is totally ridiculous. That is of course par for the course in the world of narcissists. She must have taken on the change in character from them. -2/27/20] During supper, people made puns about milk. I drank milk then, and then others joined in. I signed … [Signing is a way we had semi private or overlapping conversations in my house. -2/27/20] Becky heard a camera. [She said that quickly and alarmed, like she saw that as a bad thing. -10/20/20] Dad says it has been going for a few minutes. [It seemed it was their responsibility to not let me communicate to anyone without the prying eyes and ears of government agents. This also indicates the primary level of surveillance at that time and place was audio. -2/27/20] Cards afterwards. My choice—solitaire. Daniel won the first hand, then me. I give dad back the brainwashing papers, and tell him some things I've learned about hypnosis. [I was educating the family about some of the things I had learned about the FBI. -2/27/20] He tells me about counterfeit revival. .......... comes in, and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, but they don't know which one. I don't want to. .......... looks upset, then leaves.
Monday – dad played a video of a guy joking how dangerous preppers are. I questioned that. I said it was not dangerous to think about important things, but rather, dangerous not to. Dad says Alex Jones is rude, abrasive. “We must keep things in proportion, and focus on God.” Is what he said. Was I not? I noted the ad hominem logical fallacy. [Regardless of what emotions Alex Jones displays, he could still be correct in his claims.] [This may be a sort of gaslighting put down. If I uncovered a tactic, I may be characterized as paranoid, dangerous, or rude. -2/27/20] We talked about Trump. I was uninformed. Dad said I was not getting the right picture. He noted deals, the economy, and deregulation. Downstairs, .......... said ......... is angry and doesn't know why. Mom told ........... to go run. She asked me if that isn't what I do to de-stress. I say one thing, but it doesn’t address root problems. [It seemed to me this was put on for me. I acted slightly annoyed with dad. I don't know in what way I would have been perceived as needing to de-stress, -2/27/20][The program is a psychological and emotional conditioning program. Stress can be punished. -3/11/21] I asked mom what she means by “reset your mind.” She said to form a new perspective, not be overwhelmed, and take it as a challenge. I pack. I leave mom a note while she is teaching Jade. “I have a comment about the 'reset your mind' to 'take things on as a challenge.' This could mean to take stupid risks because doing hard things is cool, or to reframe evil. “Temptation must come into the world, but woe to him by which it comes.” “Do not do evil that good may come.” Evil is objective and is never acceptable. Rather, the mindset should be to admit God’s goodness and justice, serve Him regardless, and accept the outcome He gives.” Then I quote Isaiah 30:15. [I had been given the impression Andrews saw his treatment of me as training me, or making me stronger. It is as if someone kicks you and then claims they were teaching you karate. It is a way he reframed his actions... so he can be as much of a villain as he likes and still be approved. It may also be standard conditioning for government slaves. -2/27/20] Mom comes up to the office where I am with Snickers. “You misunderstood me. This isn’t what I meant at all.” A pause, then she asks me annoyedly if I have anything else to do before I leave. I say it might be good to see if Snickers has another opening. Mom says she will do it, so I tell everyone goodbye and leave.
It was a Saturday after I returned from Fall Break. I went to the …………. club. In the room was Gage and Quinn. Quinn spent a long time, maybe twenty minutes, talking about a Christian cartoon with a donkey as the main character, mocking it, and laughing at it. Gage stood behind him and laughed along. After that they mocked making puns. [Obviously, the extended conversations about Christianity and the slew of puns were what they were intending to mock. I suppose I was to feel alone and despised for my faith. It was, however, a shock to my system to give eloquent and sincere arguments, and receive childish taunts in return. I did not take the people I was dealing with to be very rational afterwards. -2/27/20]
………….Human Trafficking Conference
[There were two days to this conference. On the first day, there was a panel of high-ranking law enforcement officers, including DHS, FBI, and two from the TBI (Tennessee Bureau of Investigation). I got my name tag from a woman with …………., who gave me a warm and pointed smile. A woman sat in the back with me. She was holding a recording device, and seemed full of energy to the point of ADHD. Some interesting things the FBI agent said (………….), he said people think that when you leave the country the FBI can't come after you. He said that wasn't true. It would be more difficult, but they could. He also said, referring to men who solicit prostitutes but who otherwise have no criminal record, that they will "get them on something." This is a description of as I understand it normal procedure, which is to effectively create an enemies list, and find ways to use the powers of law enforcement to target them. He also seemed to want us to understand how in his work you always had to adapt to the target, as they kept changing how they did things to compensate for what the FBI was doing. A man from the TBI spoke. He had an office in ………….. The woman [who gave me a name tag -3/12/21]………. was sitting next to me by now. I wrote down the address he gave, and she asked for my pen. She wrote down the man's name, ………….. She seemed to take great pride in gaining my assistance in trapping me. The thing she "caught" me doing, based on the following reaction of being trailed by uniformed officers, was presumably that I was intending violence against the agent. Another man at the conference asked a question about the homeless, and watched me afterwards, with frustrated curiosity, I suppose because I didn't take the bait and approach him. The panel was warmly thanked. However, the reality of human trafficking, which sometimes involves bating people, making them dependent, cutting them off from their support, asserting control, giving threats or false promises, ect, is not dissimilar to what agents themselves do to bring some informants under their control.
On day two, the woman who sat next to me became even more jittery, and seemed to need to ask questions and make comments to express suspicion and outrage in every direction. She at some points became a little incoherent. I think she was behaving like a schizophrenic. It has happened on numerous occasions when I went to a church, someone else came with me and acted crazy. -2/27/20]
After the Human Trafficking conference while at the library, I hear two men conversing about what sounds like it could be a human trafficking case. I ask about it. I am told a woman is being stalked, harassed, and threatened. However, five weeks ago, she put cars in the driveway so he couldn't get to her. It is driving him crazy. [One of the men was looking at me with this devious grin. I had some time before then put up a tarp over my bed, so I had a small amount of privacy from the cameras. At a later time I see the same man in the library on the computer. He has a video paused, and is stroking the elbow of a woman with black hair with his finger or mouse cruiser. He had a strange delighted smile. -2/27/20]
Oct 31st, This morning I received two text messages from Raelynn dating 11th and 15th asking me where I had gone, if I had left town. I had not seen this notification before today.
Comments
[My comment on Facebook]
... The section that talks about family begins at ++. Expected publication date is October 28th.
[My mother's comment]
Still presuming motives.
The narrative is fragmented (not complete sentences which leads to confusion). I'm not reading the whole thing. Your picture of our family is unrecognizable, but I'm letting go.
[My comment]
I'm not sure in what way it is fragmented. I left a lot of the story in so it is pretty fleshed out. I do sometimes have fragments, though. I write that way because it is natural and more conversational, but if I can find something that is confusing I can correct it.
I don't know why the picture would be unrecognizable. I wrote the account while I was there, so it is basically just what happened. I'm not lying, and I'm not generally mistaken, so unless I was completely hallucinating during these days while being able to interact with people without them realizing I was completely hallucinating, it seems that what I wrote is correct.
My perceptions are useful for people to understand. I try to be clear about the distinction between what I physically saw and heard, and what I think these things mean.
If you do not want to read or comment you are free to do so. You have the option either way. However, my motive is out of love for you and for others who are suffering and need deliverance from this tyranny.
[My father's comment]
This is not an exhaustive response but here are some comments on part 10:
“[He explained a technique where you are an anonymous source to speak against someone, and then reference that source as your corroboration]"
I think I was telling you about Nancy Pelosi explaining the wrap-up smear: "Nancy Pelosi explains 'wrap-up smear' tactic (June 22, 201 [youtubetube com
/watch?v=9LlHU53G2Z0]
"Mom said Pawson [a preacher we both liked] said how do you tell the difference between a backslider and an apostate? See if God takes you back. [This was one attempt to begin to make me think God had [permanently] rejected me."
Did Dr. David Pawson say that? What is the "see if" and "accepts you" stuff? This sounds feeling-based.
I asked your mother about this, and she says she does not agree with everything that Dr. Pawson says. She says that you need to base your faith on what Jesus says and His faithfulness and not on your feelings.
You assert in your 02/27/2020 re-interpretation of the past, that you know what your mother's intentions were. And you say that because of your reflection, you now know it was the government directly attacking your religion through your mother. (You know that this is preposterous.) If there was an attack on your faith, why come up with nonsensical government-is-attacking-you-everywhere explanations when Scripture tells us plainly that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ep 6:12)?
"Mom gives me laptop to use. At first I think not, but dad convinces me. [Dad rushed to get me to use it. I had suspected my mother more than my father at that point, but here he is clearly supporting her in that. This was totally uncharacteristic of him. Usually he is very calm. -2/27/20]"
What??? Helping you out with a laptop is now an offense?
If you continue to call good evil and turn all people into imaginary governmental adversaries, you are doing way more evil to yourself than the few actual enemies could ever do. It may have been that a couple narcissistic gas-lighters wanted to mess with your mind. So you became suspicious of them. Then you suspected others. Then you set up your own tests to see if others were informants - such as facial expressions, presuming intentions, etc, which you decided proved your suspicions true. Now you are suspecting pretty much everyone. It seems you have eagerly volunteered to use your mind to prove everyone is an informant in order to protect yourself from all possible informants. Thus you have unwittingly joined your enemies in their effort to torment you. You are being your own worst enemy (not to mention grieving those who care about you). You must stop the wrong thinking and take up the full armor of God. God has given us all we need for life and Godliness. We are not to be overcome by evil, but are to overcome evil with good.
"Daniel told me people can lose salvation, and never be accepted again. He referenced the "three strikes" in Amos. I wondered what is the application. It is hopeless so curse God and die? [One again, an attempt to make me think God had [permanently] rejected me. This is totally out of character for my brother, and made no sense to bring it up in the conversation. -2/27/20]"
I haven't heard of any 3-strikes rule. The Scripture says
'Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.' Romans 10:11,
'I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life.' 1 Jn 5:13, and
'Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, ...' Jude 24.
"and asked me eagerly if I would like a pillow to sit on." ... "Her behaviour was totally uncharacteristic of her."
You say that often. Why would you say that offering you a pillow to sit on was "totally uncharacteristic"? Your mother has always been considerate of you. You are treating your mother's care and kindness with contempt.
Nancy Pelosi explains 'wrap-up smear' tactic (June 22, 2017)
YOUTUBE.COM
Nancy Pelosi explains 'wrap-up smear' tactic (June 22, 2017)
Nancy Pelosi explains 'wrap-up smear' tactic (June 22, 2017)
[My comment]
To your first point, I don't recall you bringing up Nancy Pelosi in that conversation if you were referring to her. Regardless I think it is useful to inform the reader about this sort of technique. When you said in reference to people harassing others, that it works for them especially if they get paid for a living to do that, who were you referring to?
As for your second point, mom made that statement out of the blue. The question is why. She wasn't disputing it, but stating it like she thought it had merit. As you just pointed out, it is not consistent with our beliefs.
When I read Eph 6:12, "not against flesh and blood" ultimately means this is a spiritual fight. The "principalities" suggests governments to me, and the "darkness" could mean secrecy. We know that "the whole world lies in the power of the evil one" (1 John 5:19), and the unsaved are slaves to Satan (Ephesians 2:2-3). So it is clear that Satan uses humans to do his evil will, which includes persecuting God's people. It is therefore a viable biblical interpretation that the government is committing harassment campaigns, and that this would include attempts to make people doubt their faith.
Third point, the way you acted was not to help me with it, but rather when I withdrew and acted unsure of using the laptop, you rushed forward as though to strongly suggest I use it. You seemed almost desperate. This was not like you at all. Perhaps you were deeply concerned I would hurt mom's feelings by declining to use it. Otherwise you/the family being threatened to spy on me also makes sense.
You're right, it does not serve me to overstate my case or assume the threat is greater than it is. However, as an investigator into these atrocities, I have to look at a broad range of facts and possible interpretations. I make an effort to be objective, and do see reason to suspect or believe many people are informants. That isn't an impossible reality. This happens to societies like East Germany with the Stasi.
Cont...
[My comment]
What Daniel was arguing is that the three strikes rule was where people lost their salvation and could not get it back. Why would he bring that up? He did not have a response when I asked him what the application was. Why would be believe that God would reject and refuse to take back one of His lost sheep? I would be shocked if Daniel believed that. And he brought it up as though to convince me of it. It is most consistent with a psychological warfare attack on my source of morale.
When mom offered me the pillow, we were sitting in the office, relaxing and talking about how you got the job and the offers started around the time I started my visit. Mom then becomes alert and gets up quickly and rushes to the bathroom to scrub the dirty spot on the wall where Snickers made a mess, as though that had suddenly become important. She offered me the pillow in a rushed stressed way. Her behavior was not that of someone who felt like cleaning, or thought I looked uncomfortable. She was grovelling, like the narcissists who suck up to those above them. She had realized the family was being made to suffer because of me. It was an awful situation. I am not holding her in contempt for that. It is not beneath the maniacs to threaten and harm a person's family to get what they want, which in my case is sex and adoration. You can see I am making more bold perceptions in my comments made later. This is because of the greater clarity and evidence that rains down on me every day.
It is neither right nor wise to appease terrorists when they threaten third parties like my family, or make any threat at all. It is not right because I am responsible to God for my actions, not theirs. It is not wise because they are by nature bottomless pits of evil, and negotiating with or appeasing terrorists only results in giving more ground to people who will use it for harm, and teaches them that particular threat is effective. They will then have more means and motive to do worse. There is a just and peaceful way to respond, and that starts with exposing the crime.
[My mother's comment]
I've not been threatened.
Also, stating what someone else said - out of the blue - may have been me looking for your response to that errant belief. I have been known to criticize teachers that I usually agree with when they say something wrong, but don't think I need to tell you how wrong it is when you know better...
I'm surprised you assume I mentioned what he said meant agreement with him.
[My mother's comment]
If a statement surprises you as "not like me" or "not like Daniel," why not ask about it at the time? It's always best to clarify during the discussion when it is fresh in memory.
[My comment]
That would be a good habit to get into I think.
[Daniel's comment]
Just an FYI, I have had a very busy schedule of late and have not been reading the latest.
This statement is inaccurate: "Daniel tells me about [the church] looking for pedophiles". That is not what happened; they worked as a pilot for a program to educate people of the church about looking for and preventing child abuse. They've also implemented recommendations of multiple adults per area to increase accountability. A very wise move.
When it comes to scripture I like to challenge people with ideas by the Word of God itself and see where they stand as we are all called to be able to give a defense for the hope that is within us and we are to study to show ourselves approved. You have stated many assertions I've allegedly made and I disagree with the words you have put in my mouth. For example "Daniel told me people can lose salvation, and never be accepted again." this is not a view that has ever fit with my understanding of salvation at any time… the word "lose" especially paints a false picture on what Salvation even is. When I inquire about implications any particular scripture may seem to indicate I'm often leading to a discussion hoping for more scripture in return… it is not a right assessment to say I have a particular belief if I ask a leading question. The Bible does speak about us with the call to "iron sharpens iron" in Proverbs 27:17 and how else can we do this unless we challenge ideas and search the scripture for the answers.
I have not read much else in your post here. But what I did see I have written about just now. I can surmise that there is probably a lot of similar issues with the rest of your writing concerning me. But I have seen no sign of you showing any heed to the words I say in any way that would effect you sharing your opinions of old. I have no quarrel with you, I would prefer to speak only "what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers" as the scripture calls us to. And by this same scripture, Eph 4:29, I ask if your goal in all this fulfills the call to do this very thing?
I have always thought you were and are blessed, and rightly so, but as of the start of you sharing all this I feel as though you have been unable to see all the good that God has done for you and His sovereignty over your life. The passage 2 Kings 6:17 comes to mind now when I think of you "And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”" and when I think of this I pray that the Lord would open your eyes so you'd see the Good Shepherd who watches over His sheep. And "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." From what I've read it seams as though you see only darkness and no light and according to Matt 6:22 and Luke 11:34 where the "lamp of the eye" affects the "light of the body". We are called to be a "light to the world". In these passages the eye being either good or bad can also have bad translated as either evil or unhealthy… I would say unhealthy, or a "bad eye" (meaning that one that does not work as it should) would seems to fit when a person perceives darkness in everything and does not bare testimony to the things of the light. I understand that the verses of the "lamp of the eye" are often used to refer towards seeking evil with your eyes or seeking good. But the verses as they are written aren't necessarily restricted to that view as the original words do equally translate to the health of the eye and is valid in meaning in much the same way.
Love you, God bless, I wish the best for you as always.
[My comment]
You claim that I was false in my first statement about the church looking for pedophiles, but then seem to clarify what you meant as including the same thing, so it does not seem I misunderstood or mischaracterized that. But it is not really relevant to my main point.
You have provided another possibile explanation for why you brought up that verse about three strikes, so my stated interpretation is therefore admittedly not a given.
As far as me giving no heed to what you say, perhaps you are unable to see my responses, because I have been very thorough in responding. Unless, by giving heed, you meant automatically agreeing, which I do not necessarily do.
As far as Eph 4:29, yes, that is my intention. Many things I say are negative and offensive, but they are intended to encourage people to be who God intends. I remember Pawson explaining the word encourage once describing a solder pointing his sword at his soldiers, prodding them into battle. The word means to give courage. People are afraid to tell the truth. How different things would be, and how quickly, if we had the courage to do so.
You have said some very good things in this last paragraph. I do bring in more scripture later on, but you are exactly right. The battle is the Lord's. We should be looking at these apparently hopeless situations from His perspective. I very much like the verse on Elijah you quoted, and I hope people take that to heart.
[My comment]
I am reading through your comments again, and when you talk about giving heed, it seems you are basically saying there is no way to convince me not to publish my suspicions of you. Someone else asked me what I would do if I found out my accusations were false and had already published them, what would I do? I thought it was important to allow you the opportunity to clarify and negate my interpretations and evidence in your own defense. This way your side of the story is published alongside what I think. Also anything clearly false, dangerous, or unnecessary to publish can be removed before publishing. You don't have to review and provide a defense for yourself, but I am giving you the option.
[Daniel's comment]
Just to clarify my statement about your statement about what I said about a church I consider "bearing false witness against your brother" as you use the word "pedophile" which is a word I avoid using so you translating what I said of potential abuse into pedophilia puts a terrible slander on what is perceived but what is allegedly said. Child abuse can be simple things like locking a child away in a dark closet for prolonged periods of time. Also the statement that a church was looking for a pedophile is something I never said nor have I heard any such thing, nor am I aware of that being the case. It insinuates that there is a pedophile in the church in the first place and that those there are trying to discover the criminal. This is nothing like what I said... I said the church is a pilot for a new training program teaching how to be accountable, to be aware of potential issues of certain sins, and preventive measures.
You user phrases like "convince me not to publish my suspicions of you" in your response, I could care less about "suspicions"; but where I take great issue is where you report me as saying one thing, when that's merely how you interpretatively remembered it by the lens through which you see and understand things. You did not write those journal entries the moment I said something... rather later in the day you recalled what you believed to have been said and wrote it down. This is not accurate testimony. From what I have seen this is the common scenario for quoted situations. You're welcome to write any suspicions you have, but according to God you are accountable before His law in which He states in the ten commandments not to bare false witness against your neighbor.
Painting pictures of other people based on suspicions is also akin to slandering some ones good name. Whatever may be the case, would you willingly tear down the reputation of one who ministers the gospel to others and preaches Christ? Would you do the same towards a sinner who might receive Christ if they were to know Christ's love through the way you spoke about them... hopefully without suspicion.
You're walking a dangerous road in my mind with the words you write.
Also I've found many of the words you write to be too grievous and graphic to even even bear and grit reading through. When you write about private parts, dreams of phonographic assault nature... these are not the kind of things I would ever pick up a book to read about and I detest such writings and want to avoid them like the plague. So with no disrespect for you whom I care greatly about, you are not your writing, and I do not wish to knowingly subject myself to this indecently graphic writing. You feel you are doing right by letting us review things you write about us, but you are asking us to subject ourselves to some vial writings and I do not want any part of it.
[My comment]
I've modified the part where I use the word pedophile so it is more in line with what you have just clarified. As far as the reliability of a record that was written within the day or days of the event, I don't expect it to be word for word, but that is still pretty good as far as testimonies go. Even if I got your words precisely, I still wouldn't understand your schema completely. Communication is by its nature imperfect, but it is still useful and vital.
As far as defaming you, other Christians, or unbelievers, it is important to value the reputations of others, but that is not more important than protecting the innocent from harm. When there is evidence that someone, whether they preach the gospel or not, is harming another person, it does not reflect God's love for me to be nice to the offender and stay silent. It does not demonstrate the gospel to try to get sinners to like me by not exposing their ongoing crimes. That person is going to burn in hell because God LOVES their VICTIMS. That person is going to remember what I did and did not do to communicate God's love/justice to them and to the world. If I did not tell them clearly how it is, how they deserve to go to hell and will, then each of the millions of years that person in hell will be cursing me for not warning him.
As far as the sexually explicit content, it is such a constant part of my life being forced to be around perverts that I did not realize how overt I was communicating this. It is evidence, and so I am not going to obscure it. But I do want to add a warning so that people can skip over that material if they wish.
However, your sister is the victim of sexual assault. That isn't in question. I literally have surveillance footage of one event. You are offended at the appearance of sexually explicit content. May I suggest you should be more offended at the crimes. If I were being attacked right next to you, would you say you don't want to look at that because it is indecent, or would you do something about the perpetrators? What did the Samaritan do about the man robbed and left naked and bleeding on the side of the rode? Shield his eyes and be offended that the victim dare have been attacked? I am not asking for your charity. Nor am I asking you to examine each piece of evidence you are uncomfortable with. I am asking you to examine your heart.
One reason Elizabeth Smart, when she was kidnapped, did not try to be rescued was because her Christian purity culture made her think that once she had been polluted no good man would want her. She saw herself as dirty, and so she stayed away from good men who could protect her, and stayed with the filthy one. I did not ask for, and I did not consent to all the filth that has been handed to me. But I am not the one that needs to hide in shame. The shame needs to be placed on the shoulders of those who committed the acts. As the victim, it is my right to at least assert that.
And my heart breaks for the many who are enduring this quietly. They need people like me to expose the crimes. If I am holding evidence that could help them, how could I fear God and not use it?
[My mother's comment]
[@me] It is just as important not to defame someone's good name.
"A good name is of more value than great riches." Prov. 22:1
If you cannot expose the crime of one without slandering another... you are not ready to speak. Only speak what is true and verifiable. You may not have to answer in a courtroom, but you will have to answer before God.
[My mother's comment]
You have misrepresented our entire family.
[My comment]
It is not just as important to not defame than it is to stop ongoing rapes/thefts/hacking/drugging/blackmail/threats/sabotage/involuntary hypnosis etc etc etc.
It is not just subjecting the family to disrepute, but it is also protecting the family against said attacks, as well as others.
To voice a suspicion and to describe it as a suspicion when there is ground for suspicion is verified.
I am providing you, who I am naming, with the opportunity to refute anything I say, so that false evidence will not stand. I am doing this to protect you and the family from false accusations.
I would also answer to God for my silence.
[My mother's comment]
I have already told you your representation of our family is distorted, and inaccurate. It is so, on the whole.
The looks, motives, intentions presumed by you are from your own imagination. They are not based on fact.
Conversations, as you admitted, cannot be remembered perfectly, some time later. And with time, things take on nuances of your own thoughts - that may not have a basis in the event itself.
I am being kind to you, by allowing for only good motives on your part. But I do not give permission for you to speak of me as an informant or say that I had any intent of doing you harm for the sake of protecting myself. I have never been threatened by a government agency. I am only threatened by you - though I do not accuse you of malice in doing so. You are mistaken. Speaking of us in the manner you have is doing damage and it will last, as the Internet is forever. There is no undoing it once done.
Consider this a blanket refutation.
[My mother's comment]
As for the other matters - I only will speak to one. You mention rape, but have no evidence except pain and noises. If you had gone to the police or a doctor, you would have a basis in fact.
As it is, even this is suspect. Pain is not evidence of violation.
In this, you leave yourself and your story open to doubt and ridicule. It will not help those whom you wish to serve. Those who are really oppressed by the state.
I acknowledge that such a thing exists. The state (deep state) can oppress people.
[My my comment]
I can understand your personal offense at me accusing you, but why do you want to try so hard to defend my accused sexual assailant? Why is this the one issue you want to dispute regardless of the evidence I have offered, when I haven't even named my attacker here?
[My mother's comment]
[@me] If you can name an attacker, then you saw him attack you. Having an open window, hearing a noise, and waking up in pain is not evidence. If you were attacked, you should have called the police immediately. Why did you not do this? Even if you couldn't see a doctor, you could have filled out a report. Your description sounds more like a vivid dream than reality.
[My mother's comment]
DNA evidence needs to be collected early, in such cases.
[My mother's comment]
It is very unlike you.
[My comment]
Many victims of sexual assault do not report it. Many do not tell anyone.
I went to the police when I had video evidence of an assault along with texts I made right after and a written account. As is consistent with my assertion that this was done by a government entity, the police first told me I didn't have to fill out the complaint form and could not receive the surveillance from me, and then left the case to sit long enough until it could no longer be prosecuted.
You have not answered the question why you want to dispute this one issue. Why do you want to defend a potential sexual assailant of your daughter?
[My mother's comment]
[@me] From your own story, I don't believe it happened as you think. I believe it was either a vivid dream or a demonic assault (not physical). If it were physical, there would be more than pain. There would be blood and other fluids as evidence that you could collect as proof.
[My mother's comment]
Regarding your attempt to contact police about the man who touched you without your permission - if one institution will not hear you, keep asking, seeking, knocking until you are heard. And I'm sure you have learned from dealing with the police, always fill out the paperwork, even if they say you don't have to. It would have been good to have legal counsel...
The infringement on your person that you got video of, is harassment, not sexual assault. Perhaps in Canada, this is not taken seriously enough to bother with (in their view). However a paper trail is helpful, should there be further offense. Then, you could likely get a restraining order.
[My mother's comment]
Until recently in the US, such behavior would only warrant a slap in the face of the offender, by the victim. It some locations and in certain cultures, getting "fresh" is merely showing interest. Places like Mexico... I don't know enough about Canada to speak intelligently about their standards.
[My comment]
It sounds like [dad] and [Daniel] have not reviewed the whole thing and I can give you more time. How about Nov 2nd?