Children and lies: why my child lies?

Around 4 or 5 years, the child begins to develop his imagination and creates a universe sometimes very different from the reality that lives. He invents stories and can give the impression of lying. But if he distorts reality, he does not become a liar.

Why does the child lie? :

In the process of evolution, the preschool child discovers his imagination, his creativity and loves to play inventing stories. But in the face of these little lies, parents can ask themselves questions and fear that this type of behavior will not be reflected in his life as a teenager and then as an adult. Yet it is not! This is a quite normal stage in the development of the child and this will gradually disappear on its own.

If they like to "lie" to play by creating stories and wacky characters, they can also do it to hide stupidity or avoid punishment. So it's their way of fleeing from an unpleasant situation. But it is also an attitude that they adopt to please or to value themselves vis-à-vis their parents or friends.

It may also happen that they lie because they envy a classmate, they dream of achieving prowess in sports or in the artistic milieu or simply to hide bad self-confidence.

In any case, growing up, they will eventually limit this kind of attitude, since gradually they will become aware of reality and will share things between good and evil.

         In the face of the child's lies, how should we react? :

It is clear that this learning of the truth does not happen, of course, in a day. It will take time for the child to integrate this notion and stop inventing stories and lies. To encourage it in this way, here are some tips:

Teach him the difference between reality and the imaginary. Explain to him that the stories of books are not all based on reality, and suggest that you invent them with you. Just explain to her how important it is to always tell the truth and give her examples that touch her and that she will understand easily;

Take the time to listen and play with him to encourage his creativity. Do not punish him or scold him when he evokes imaginary facts, let him express himself freely. On the other hand, you can use humor in small lies, but do not make fun of the child, at the risk of pointing him out and envenoming the situation;
Tell him that you understand him when he uses lies to evoke his desires and wishes, and turn his invention into reality so that he becomes aware of his actions or emotions. For example, tell him "do you want to take judo classes and then become a champion, as in your story?" ";
If he uses the lie to cover a stupidity, do not dramatize and focus on finding solutions. Involve him so that he becomes aware, on the one hand, that he is responsible for the stupidity, and on the other hand, that there is no point in lying but on the contrary, to tell the truth allows To move things forward;
Praise him when he has the courage to tell the truth, even if it is a matter of confessing to stupidity. Encouraging his good behavior will give him confidence, and will allow him to integrate that truth is always the right solution;
Finally, on your side, do not lie to him. Give him a good example, and do not take refuge behind a ready-made formula like "adults do what they want," you would create a great confusion in his mind;
Also challenge yourself. Sometimes it is only for the sake of a parent that the child does not lie. Indeed, around 7 or 8 years old, he feels the emotions of others and really discovers empathy. He is then ready to do anything so as not to hurt his loved ones. Thus, he might come up with such behaviors to preserve you, such as, for example, a painful divorce or family worries. Do not make the child feel guilty is to somehow not give him the opportunity to lie.
Learning how to tell the truth and having the courage to confess ones wrong is not easy for the child. It will take time, patience and much sweetness to help her integrate this value of honesty so important to her future adult life and her integration into society.